VENT

Today I busted my ass cleaning a house. I literally worked to the point of being sore tonight. I strive to always please my clients, not only for the reason of their satisfaction, but for myself to feel that I did a wonderful job and am a good cleaning lady. I know that I am good at what I do and I enjoy it and I love to make people feel good about their home and brighten their day with no dirt in the corners, etc. It makes pretty much anyone feel great to come home to a clean shiny house. If someone asks me to do something, I do more than what they ask me to do. For example if someone asks me to dust their blinds, I will dust them and wipe the dirt off with a wet cloth. I enjoy serving people. I like to be a flexible housekeeper who can adjust to each individual for what they personally want for their money. Now for the lady I cleaned for today. First of all her husband has a problem with how much I charge. Before me they had a hispanic woman who stayed for 6 hours every Saturday to do whatever Boss Lady told her to (for less than I charge). I explained during our initial meeting that I charge a certain amount for four hours of work and I will get their house cleaned in that amount of time and am willing to do whatever else she might need once I finish the main cleaning, IF there is extra time. I am very prompt and am known to stay 10 minutes extra, even. If I say I will be there at 9 a.m. I will be. I also agreed to do this womans house every other Saturday which I am not really fond of working the weekend, but I agreed, since she works out of her home. So the second time I cleaned for her she came in (while I am scrubbing her toilet, I might add) 1 1/2 hours before I was to leave upset that I might not finish cleaning the whole house. She said her husband was worried they were paying me this large amount of money and I would not be finishing their house like I promised, and that I had spent TOO MUCH time cleaning their kitchen. I pushed down my hurt feelings and told her nicely that I would definately finish cleaning her house within the allotted time frame and resisted the urge to remind her both sides of her sink had been overflowing with crusty dishes. So okay then today I was there over my four hours, their vacuum quit working, so I had to sweep all their floors with a broom that was basically a worn down nub. I mop the floors then dry them with towels to prevent water spots. I offered to bring my vacuum over tomorrow for free, if they couldn't get theirs working. So I get a message on my answering machine tonight (in a sweet as sugar voice) that they would really appreciate if I could bring my vacuum over tomorrow, oh and also they need to "go over a few things with me" because I didn't finish all they wanted done today and she guesses she just "needs to make me a list" because I must not be used to their house yet.

Okay I am just irritated. I don't like being talked down to and I just want to tell this woman to go get her cheap maid back again if that is what she wants. I am not a slave and if she and her husband don't like what I charge for CLEANING than they can find someone else! I have a few other people offering me work right now and everyone I clean for compliments my work and no one has EVER treated me like a lower life form or something like that. I do this job because I want to and I enjoy cleaning and making things beautiful. I do not HAVE to do this. I am not some brainless person waiting to be talked down to.

So I am thinking about quitting her house. I am going to load up my vacuum and my baby and vacuum her house tomorrow for free. I will listen to her side of things and what she sees. I will decide whether this business relationship is worth it or not. Maybe I am being too touchy, sensitive or defensive? If you have read this far, tell me what you think.

finally!

I swear Mahna has been against me blogging this week. Every time I have sat down to answer these interview questions she has needed something! Well here is my attempt, one week later...

1. What 5 CD's would I have if that is all I could have?

Sarah McLachlan Fumbling Toward Ecstacy (high school)
Chemical Bros. Exit Planet Dust (kendra)
Venus Hum (or) Apoctygma Berserk (sp?)I can't choose !!!!!!
Tori Amos To Venus and Back
City of Angels soundtrack (this is a must b/c it is what I listened to in the hospital over and over when Gold was born)

2. What's the thing u like best about your parents?


They are very generous and don't expect anything in return. They are innocent and cute in a lot of ways. My mom is one of my best friends. Most of all I think I like that they love me no matter what and forgive me for my numerous and repeated mistakes, and don't remind me of them or rub them in!

3. Based on your experience in Highschool what advice would you give to current high schoolers?

My initaial answer is NOTHING because most teenagers don't want to hear any advice because they can figure it all out for themself. Haha! I don't mean that to be mean, it is just true.

But if they would listen, I would say

DON"T HAVE SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think that if more kids could/would abstain they could find themselves easier and figure out what they really wanted after highschool better. Also, to take advantage of "extracirricular activities" such as drama, sports, clubs, volunteering etc etc etc to just broaden their horizons and experience MORE and not just pigeon hole their life into a social experience that won't even matter in a few years.
(I may continue this answer later)

4. What has being married taught you thus far about yourself?

That I am freakin lucky to have not ended up with an abusive freaky loser!!!!!!!!!!! haha

It has taught me that I am strong and determined! It has made me realize that I really am able to be a "happy person".

5. What book influenced you the most at this point in your life?

Hm....... The book I think about the most is either certain bible verses, or books I have read about babies. I also really enjoyed Anne Lammott "Travelling Mercies" which sort of gave me a new view of being able to have strong faith and spirituality without expecting myself to be someone else or be 'sinless'.

Thanks for the questions, Brent. Sorry it took so long to get around to answering!

go ahead & ask

i have been seeing interviews among blogz lately and i want to be interviewed! so ask away and if u want to ask something offensive anonymously i am game for that, too!

Just Say No (to cokes)

I think this essay is very informative and convincing: Just say no to drinking sodas and feeding them to yer kids! EEK


WHY I DON'T DRINK SOFT DRINKS (AND WISH YOU DIDN'T)

by William Frazier, M.P.H., N.C.

There has never been motivation until now for me to assemble in one place

all the information I have accumulated through the years on the harmful

effects of soft drinks, especially colas and those containing phosphoric

acid. Here is a partial list. (My prayer is that multitudes will be able to

personally profit from reading this compendium of facts.)



DISEASE FLOURISHES IN AN ACID ph - COLA-TYPE DRINKS ARE ACID

"All kinds of soft drinks are very acidic, especially colas. In order to

neutralize a glass of cola, it takes 32 glasses of high ph alkaline water."

It is well known by the medical profession that disease loves acid. In

fact, a physician from Loma Linda University said in a speech that if we

could get our cells to maintain a normal ph (slightly alkaline), cancer

could not grow in our bodies."



CERTAIN SOFT DRINKS AND CANCER MAY BE RELATED

Francisco Contraries, M.D., of the Contraries Cancer Clinic in Kiajuana,

Mexico said, "Cancer is like a plant cell; it can't live in an oxygen-rich

environment. cola drinks make our bodies poor in oxygen. cancer is the

second cause of death in America. The average American is consuming 800 Or

more soft drinks annually. Be more responsible for your own life; doctors

have no responsibility for another's health."



SOFT DRINKS OFFEND THE KIDNEYS

A three year study of over 1,000 men with a history of kidney stones

showed: "There was a clear-cut difference in the group's experiences, with

much less renal colic in the men who had avoided soft drinks. Of those who

continued to use soft drinks, there was also a big difference in outcome

depending upon the nature of the soft drink consumed. Soft drinks acidified

with phosphoric acid were the worst offenders. Colas of all kinds, of

course, are well known for their high phosphoric acid content."



COLA DRINKS PROVIDE ZERO NUTRIENTS

As pointed out by Beatrice Hunter in her book, CONSUMER BEWARE (published

in 1971), "Nutritionally, soft drinks are low in value. Their food energy

comes solely from refined sugar. Every element of nutritional importance,

except calories, is zero. Soft drinks have much in common with hard liquor,

claimed the co-discoverer of insulin, Dr. Charles Best. Cirrhosis of the

liver has been found among teenagers who drink large quantities of soft

drinks, as well as among chronic alcoholics." Can we live without a

functioning liver? No. And do doctors have a cure for cirrhosis of the

liver? Not really!



CAFFEINE IS ADDICTIVE; COLAS PROVIDE IT

Soft drinks, including the cola and pepper-type drinks that have caffeine

in them, are the number one beverage of Americans today, with coffee

second. Caffeine is a drug and it acts as a stimulant to the central

nervous system. "In the amounts presently being consumed, it can cause

insomnia, nervousness, irritability, anxiety and disturbances in the heart

rate and rhythm. Cola and pepper-type drinks account for 80-90 percent of

the caffeine added to foods today. Its long term effects on people are not

clearly known."



BIRTH DEFECTS AREA POSSIBILITY

Here is advice on caffeine from the FDA. "In making the public announcement

in September of caffeine's possible dangers to unborn children, FDA

commissioner Dr. Jere E. Goyan urged prudence by pregnant women in the use

of caffeine products. Goyan's words to mothers-to-be: "So while further

evidence is being gathered on the possible relationship between caffeine

and birth defects, a prudent and protective mother-to-be will want to put

caffeine on her list of unnecessary substances which she should avoid." The

old saying that a pregnant woman is "eating for two" has a special meaning

in regard to caffeine.



The Commissioner also noted that studies to date support the wisdom passed

down from generation to generation that caffeine is not for pregnant women

or children. "We hope some day to have better scientific assessments,"

Goyan said, "but for now adhering to the guidance of our parents seems to

be the most prudent course."



ANOTHER PROBLEM: CARAMEL COLORING

"Cola drinks contain caramel coloring which, according to some researchers,

has genetic effects and is a cancer-causing suspect. Polyethylene glycol is

used as an ingredient sometimes. Glycol is used in anti-freeze in

automobiles and as an oil solvent." Perhaps you have noticed that pouring

cola drinks on your windshield in a snow or ice storm will keep the

windshield from freezing over with ice.



BUBBLES AND FIZZ - NOT INNOCENT

"The bubbles and fizz in soft drinks can potently burn human insides; this

is caused by the phosphoric acid and carbon dioxide. The phosphorus in the

acid upsets the body's calcium-phosphorus ratio and dissolves calcium out

of the bones. This can eventually result in osteoporosis, a weakening of

the skeletal structure, which can make one susceptible to broken bones.

Also, the phosphorus fights with the hydrochloric acid in human stomachs

and renders it ineffective. This promotes indigestion, bloating and

gassiness in many individuals. Carbon dioxide is a waste product exhaled by

humans, but they ingest it when they drink cola drinks."



SUGAR - SUGAR - SUGAR: A WHITE DECEIVER

Soft drinks use predominately three types of sweeteners - saccharin or

aspartame in the diet type and sugar, cane syrup or corn syrup in the

regular drinks. "These substances enhance taste appeal and come touted as

"refreshing" and "high energy". The truth is that saccharin has been shown

to cause cancer in laboratory animals and Nutra-sweet and Equal are linked

to convulsions, depression, insomnia, irritability, weakness, dizziness,

migraine headaches, mood changes and mental retardation. (Which of these, I

ask, is something you really want in your life?)



ALLERGIES: WITH OR WITHOUT HIVES

Dr. George M. Halpem, Division of Allergy at the University of California

Davis School of Medicine says that diet soft drinks may cause allergies.

"The potential problem may be due to toxicity because of the increase in

consumption of diet drinks. Acute or chronic hives may be symptoms caused

by this low-calorie, artificial sweetener."



MALFORMED FETUSES IN MICE A REALITY

Another study that caught my attention was done in Japan, by Dr. Yoshihide

Hagiwara and published under the title, The Effects of Foods on the Bones

of Mice. The experiments involved sustaining mice with feed containing

calcium and phosphoric acid in varying ratios. When the amount of

phosphoric acid was increased beyond a certain limit, bone malformation

occurred in the mice. Further increase of phosphoric acid in the food of

pregnant mice yielded 40 malformed fetuses out of 100. the meaning of these

results are self-evident. Too much phosphoric acid can cause birth

defects." Does it happen in humans? Why take a chance!



HOW TO DISSOLVE YOUR TEETH

"Nor am I alone in this conclusion," Haglwara said. "A government warning

was once issued to the manufacturer of a certain world-famous refreshing

soft drink for its suspected effect on the bones of children because of the

large amount of phosphoric acid contained in it. Pour cola over an

extracted baby tooth or a 10-penny nail and see it totally dissolve in a

few days!"



Dr. Clive McCay, working at the Naval Research Institute, placed extracted

human teeth in cola drinks. Within two days, the teeth became very soft,

and the enamel surface lost much of its calcium. Rats, well fed but given

nothing to drink except cola beverages, after six months had their molar

teeth dissolved down to the gum line. When Dr. McCay reported years ago the

rat experiments before the Delaney hearing on chemical in foods, a lawmaker

reminded him that the soft drink industry represented huge economic

investments. He suggested that these alarming findings be soft-pedaled to

avoid disrupting the industry and the economy as a whole. Dr. McCay

countered by stating that the health of the nation's children might be as

important as the welfare of the soft-drink industry." How do you feel about

your children's teeth being damaged?



SOFT BONES OR NO BONES!

My file is full of examples of Americans with soft bones (dissolved, I

believe, by their phosphoric acid consumption) any my heart-felt concern

for fetuses is now a reality - many are being born without face bones, with

missing ribs, with fewer than normal carpal bones, and so forth. Do we

really care? Do we care enough to change our lifestyle? I sincerely hope

so.

If changes are not made by millions soon, Dr. James Beasley's prediction

can be upon us. He said, "If Americans do not change their eating and

drinking habits, within twenty years we will have nutritional

obliteration." I see that as a very viable possibility.



KIDNEY VS COLA: A REAL PROBLEM FOR MANY

Dr. Earl Mantel in his book, "Unsafe At Any Meal" says, "For anyone over

forty, soft drinks can be especially hazardous because the kidneys are less

able to excrete excess phosphorous, causing depletion of vital calcium."

Can a person live without kidneys? No. Is it easy and/or cheap to get a

kidney transplant? No!



METABOLISM CAN BE ALTERED: THAT SPELLS TROUBLE

Heavy soft drink consumption can interfere with your body's metabolization

of iron and diminish nerve-impulse transmission. Sodas may contain - but

are not required to disclose - such ingredients as ethyl alcohol, sodium

alginate (possibly hazardous for pregnant women), brominated vegetable oil

(found harmful to vital organs of animals and considered a health risk to

heavy consumers of beverages containing it) and caffeine.



MORE "REAL" SYMPTOMS

Cola drinks can interact adversely with antacids, possible causing

constipation, calcium loss, hypertension, nausea, vomiting, headaches and

kidney damage. Soft drinks can decrease the antibacterial action of

penicillin and ampicillin.



MORE "SUGAR BLUES"

"The average 12 ounce cola has about 150 calories and over an ounce (9

teaspoons) of refined sugar, a 12 ounce up-cola has 71/2 teaspoons of

sugar." Dr. A. Thrash, M.D., found that 24 teaspoons of sugar in on day

destroys 92% of the body's ability to destroy bacteria.



BLOOD PRESSURE ALTERATION: ON THE HIGH SIDE

Diet sodas that are low in calories are high in sodium. Six ounces of

regular Pepsi cola has 5 mg of sodium; Diet Pepsi has 31 mg (But who only

drinks 6 oz at a time now? - classic Coke Cola has 19 mg sodium. High blood

pressure is very common ailment in our society, I wonder why!

And who shouldn't have high sodium in their diets? My personal answer to

that question, is that the condition which causes a person to have high

blood pressure should be considered a condition where limiting sodium

intake would be helpful. Here are a few of those; certain tumors, kidney

disease, adrenal or thyroid or pituitary gland malfunction, even diabetes

and arteriosclerosis or hardening of the arteries. Soft drinks should be

off limits to persons with these conditions.



A DECEITFUL ADDICTION: CAFFEINE

Caffeine is a member of the same alkaloid group of chemicals as morphine,

nicotine, cocaine, purine and strychnine. These alkaloids all have one

thing in common: they are addictive. Colas are responsible for giving

millions of Americans addicts their daily "fixes". (Forgive my poignant

language - but think about it).

howdy

Well it is March. To me this means that there is about one month left until Jarrod's brother gets out of jail. This means we are getting to the end of living on Poydras street. Soon we will be househunting. I am so anxious to get a place of our own that we actually OWN. I am not anxious for all the paperwork, talking to loan officers or whatever it takes to get a house. As you can see I really have no clue and therefor am afraid of the unknown. Since Jarrod is a courier whose income is sort of strange because taxes are not taken out but mileage is deducted at the end of the year on our tax form, on one piece of paper it looks like he makes money. On another piece it looks like he doesn't. It is more complicated than the average American qualifying for a loan. We want to stay in the area but not the ghetto, so who knows. I just pray that it all works out and doesn't cause too much tension.

Mahna is six months old now! I can't believe a half year has gone by. I want to cry, but I am having too much fun with her. Her new fave game is throwing things on the floor. My mom informed me I won't think this is so "CUTE" for very much longer. It is all part of her figuring things out though! Gotta go, she is beckoning me. ADIOS!

finally!

I finally figured out how to "outsmart" my computer so I can blog again! I wonder if any one even reads it anymore, haha.

So far this has been one of the best weekends I have had in a long time, and it is only Saturday evening!

Thursday Jana called to say she was coming in town. I have not seen her in so long and she has a 6 wk old baby who I hadn't seen and she hadn't seen Mahna, who is almost 6 months old already! So the plan was for Jarrod and I to go stay at their hotel room Fri night. Then Jarrod gets a call to WORK Sat. morning from 3:30 a.m. til noon for a chunk of change. Dilemma! Do we cancel on our friends or do we lose out on a chance to make $$$? See, I usually go with him on these long drive odd jobs. So we are trying to figure out what to do and Jarrod says well how about if you go see Jana and I will do the route myself. I saw this as very unselfish of him. I must say I had such a great time. I cant even remember the last time I got to hang out with a girl-friend and talk all night. We stayed up til 4:30 am watching movies and talktalktalking. It was a good time. I felt so comfortable with her, her huz and their kiddos and of course Mahna was with me and she was very entertained by my 3 yr old goddaughter Bri. Then they brought me home about the same time Jarrod got home from his route and Jarrod told me to go get whatever I wanted to eat, so I got Wingstop which is super yummy and then Mahna and I come home and take a nap with Jarrod and the kitties... I will say one thing about motherhood. WHen you get a chance to get out and about and have some fun, it is just that much more fun because it is not a regular even to be taken for granted. Today I am thankful for each happy moment I do not deserve.

AND IN CONTINUATION:::::
Q 6 is "if you were a historical figure who would it be?"
I would be Ester......... whew what a job!

Q 7 "if you were a book what would you be?"
hmmmmmm that one I will think about

adios and thanks for reading... comment???

technology is such a hassle

Haha, have you seen those commercials w/ the funny looking guy in the green suit that is doing annoying things and the ad says ' why does technology have to be such a hassle'? Too funny! well my computer at home can not get to the "create new post" on blogger these days! I don't know what the dealio is and I have not made the time to figure it out either! So I am at my parents house posting now. My mommy is in the hospital. She had surgery which was planned and is doing better now. Her blood pressure had dropped low and she had to have three blood transfusions already! She was supposed to get out tomorrow but now I don't think they are going to let her. It is scary to see her laid up in a hospital bed, even though I am very thankful she is doing good and her problem was not life threatening. It is just strange to see HER laying there and needing HER mom to feed her etc. just like she did for me when I was in the hospital. I felt very useless and she was sleeping most of the time cuz of all the meds they gave her. Mahna has been pretty good today and is napping now but I won't let her sleep too long> I started reading a new "get your baby to sleep thru the night" book. This one is so opposite of anything else I have read. It suggests allowing your kids to sleep in bed w/ you until they wean themself into their own bed. And it suggests allowing breastfeeding to continue until the child weans themself whether that is at 6 mo. or 3 yrs. Eek. Sounds scary but I am open to openminded suggestions. Jarrod and I are going to Virginia a week from today. I am excited to visit his brother and sister in law (Freddy and Kristina) and our nephews who we have seen so rarely. I am not looking forward to the plane ride w/ Mahna and all her baby shtuff, but hopefully my prayers for quietness and patience will be answered. At the hospital everyone oohed and aaaahed over her and it is so cute cuz she is now interactive and really puts on a show for those who google over her and sometimes even people who pretend to not see her! haha. Please keep my mom in your prayers as she will be recovering for about 6 weeks from this painful surgery.............. xoxo
p.s The next question on the list is "WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL WOULD YOU BE?" Hmmmm I guess I would want to be a........................ Hippo! Then everyone would say look how huge that hippo is, but it's ok cuz I am supposed to be huge. I am a hippo!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) How about you? Got any more intriguing and creative answers than me?

well whatdoya know

I would have thought "what makes you angry" would have gotten a lot of comments on that last post! Maybe no one is reading??? Oh well. I will type for myself and for anyone who may come upon a rainy day and decide to read all my back issues. Haha.

Todays question is "What is the best time for me?"

There are so many Best times for me.... I would say one is the time that I get to spend with my mom and grandma. I am so lucky to have good mentors like them. Too lucky to really put into words.

I like the time when I get to stay up all night with Jarrod talking or watching movies. That is what we did at the very beginning of our relationship and it is fun when we rarely get to do it now, because it reminds me we are still the same although so much has changed...

I really enjoy the times when I get myself up early in the morning. Like 6 or 7 a.m. and get a good workout, get the dishes done and take a shower, then am ready for the day when Mahna wakes up. That is a good day, especially the exercise part because it is such a good waker upper and antidepressant for me.

YOUR TURN>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> COMMENT PLEASE

I want the BEST of both worlds.....

That song is in my head. ANywaYz here is question 3. I realize some questions are boring but I want to try to do all of them cuz what the heck! :)

I get angry when........

I see a father hitting his child on tv. (or in person, but that is super rare) When I see a mother angrily jerking her child around. When I see someone verbally abusing a chubby kid. The hurt on all these kids faces makes me see red. I want to jump through the television when I see disciplining out of anger or straight up physical abuse. That is what ANGERS me.

So what is yours?

question two

If I were a color I would be......

Blue. Then I could be whatever my mood lead me to be. Sad.....beautiful.....mysterious......cold....snuggly. I could be navy blue and serious. Pastel blue and needing to be protected. Blueish black makes you take a second look. No matter what when it's blue you can't ignore it.

If you were a color what would you be?

100 journal/essay/story topics

I found a thing from 1981 The ILLINOIS WRITING PROJECT. Here is question ONE and I will answer it and then hope for your answer (or email).

If I were a famous person I would be...

Angelina Jolie because she is super beautiful and naturally skinny (I am shallow) and she is also doing something good with her money and fame for another country. I think she is a great real life mom role model for other women in Hollywood.

So who would you be if you were a famous person?

yipppppppppeeeeeeee

Jana had her baby today! A lil gurl named BROOKLYN who weighed 6 lb 12 oz and was 19 in. long. I realllllly want to go out there this weekend (she lives in San antonio) and see them. I am so excited she got to have another baby. Jana congratulations!!!!!!!!

as for Mahna she had a fun day with her gramma dar and her g.g. (great grandma) while I cleaned a house. Yes, that's right, I cleaned a house. It was fun, too. The house was very dirty and I enjoyed cleaning the hell out of it. Haha. It was nice to accomplish something without interruptions from my babycakes. I tried to relax and enjoy the peaceful thinking time away from her and not just purely miss her adorable little chubby face.

Then I got to go get a suprise manicure. It was cool even though the nail chick was sort of cranky. My nails look super pretty now so that just added happiness to my day.

Mostly I am thankful my friend had a successful C-Section today and that her baby is here and healthy.

NIGHT!

mahna mahna mahna

Well my poor little poopkins had to have her four month shots yesterday! It was worse than the two month ones. It was a heartbreaking look that crossed her face when they poked her with four different needles. I couldn't help but think of people who do horrible things to babies. I kept telling her this is for her own good etc etc parent like things to say, but the ultimate look on her face was how could you do this to me? Anyway she is otherwise doing fine and dandy. The DR said "I can't find a thing wrong with her!" so that makes me happy. She now weighs 12 lb. 12 oz. and is 23 1/2 inches long for those of you who enjoy such tidbits. My friend is having a baby VERRRRRRRRRY soon and I can't wait and I am so happy to have a friend having a kiddo around the same time as I did. It is fun to have someone to talk to about the same silly mommy things I am into right now, because everyone knows that people who don't have kids or whose kids are much older just do not care about diapers and spit up and these such things! :) In case Kendra is reading, I must say that I do wish you would/could have a baby right now, too. That would just be too fuN! WEll she is waking up now so I better go. Shots make babies CRANKY!

rain

It sure is a raiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny day. It looks like early evening but it is 9:30 a.m. Why am I awake already? Haha. It is coming down hard again. I have my front window open. One of my favorite things about this cute lil house we live in is this big window in the living room. It is not a great view or anything but I sit at my coffee table with this laptop and can watch the rain while I type. No clutter of my desk around me. I really gotta tackle that desk. Maybe during one of Mahna's fifteen minute naps. I say that almost sarcastically as she really does only take a couple 15 min naps and then maybe one for an hour but usually will sleep longer if I lay next to her. This means I am not keeping up with my dishes and housecleaning etc etc as much as I would like to be. I am reading Marla Cilley "Sink Reflections" which is about babysteps to a clean and perpetually organized house. It also has a moving guide which I am going to adjust to my own needs to clean out the "game room" in the next few months, maybe just a few minutes a day. Casey gets out of jail in April, and if he got out today he would have nothing but a couch to live on. So I have to get all our clutter out of that game room and I am quite a pack rat. I have a horribly hard time throwing anything away. So There is boxes of junk that we don't use but once I start going through them I think of one reason or another to keep stuff. When Jarrod and I got married I almost filled a one bedroom apt. with MY stuff, while he moved in his two litte totes. We are also planning to buy a house next year maybe around August, so I am trying to psyche myself up for getting new things for the house by getting rid of old shtuff. Of course one of my dillemas is What if someone I know could have USED this and I am just donating it to CCA???? And even off that note I don't know if I will donate to CCA or to a smaller thrift store, so that CCA doesn't become even more of a walmart in the thrift store world.
Mahna rolled over the 30th of Dec. That was one day before she turned 4 months. Now I have only seen her do it maybe two more times in the last 4 days, but she definately figured it out. SHe is figuring lots of things out, like one certain kind of screeeeeeeeeeeeeech sound that makes me come get her from her swing or bed when she gets bored. She is making that sound now, so I will just be happy with what I managed to type up today. ADIOS! (happy new year!)

new record?

Okay 16 days since the last blog. Dangggggg. I do check my mail once or twice a day, but it is usually in a five minute increment when I can set Mahna down and I think, what could I possibly write in my blog in just a minute? Or I am holding her on my lap which means I can read mail or blogs but not exactly type or if I do, one handed typing takes forever! Anyway, I am becoming some what of a night owl these days. My free time begins when she goes to sleep around 10:30 or 11:30 at night and i just want to stay up and hang out and maybe have a beer or read or do whatever. Unfortunately everyone else has to go to bed cuz they have jobs which require them to get up at a certain hour. I am lucky in that, even if Mahna wakes me up every two hours, I can stay in bed until 11 a.m. if I want to. This verrrry rarely happens, but it is nice to know I have the freedom if I want to take advantage of it. It makes it not a big deal for me to stay up until the wee hours of the morn, for I know I will get sleep one way or another.
Mahna is just a delight and I feel so lucky to have a baby. I just enjoy having her with me. If I go to the store, if I walk into the laundry room of my house, if I go to my mom's or my grandma's house..... She is my little buddy. I am her protector and I love her so much. Corny? Yea, well it is amazing these things I feel. What did I do before this? Yea, that probably sounds corny too.
I sure do love this time of year. I get to be with my family, including Kendra, for several days in a row. I am okay with not really ever hanging out with any friends. I just really see Jarrod at night for a few hours and see my family a lot. My friends are on email or phone and that is all good. I know three people who are having baby girls in the next few months. One of them is due next month and I can't wait to see her new one, as she is a really special person to me, so of course her kids will be too. And not to mention that now that I have REALLY been exposed to the beauty and amazement of "baby", I am truly addicted and will be awed and in love with almost any baby i see from now on.
I have a new favorite show. Law and Order:SVU. It is mostly about rapes and other heinous sex crimes and them being brought to justice. Sounds out there and sick and that is what I thought when I first heard of it but it is intriguing. Anyway it doesn't matter what I like on TV but there have been two statements on this show tonight that made a lot of sense. The first was that devastating things happen all the time, each day that goes by we are NEVER the same again, and sometimes things are more devastating than other days.
The second was this woman didn't understand why she had been raped, because she thought that since her mother had died a very slow painful death and she had gone through it with her that was the only hard thing she would have to endure in life. It seemed unfair to her that she had then been raped and gone through something even harder... This got me thinking of my own situations in life. I thought placing Gold for adoption was the hardest thing I would ever have to do. I had suicidal moments after that period in my life of being pregnant with him and leaving Kansas City after his birth, because I thought "my mission in life is done". I was put on this earth to have a baby for my aunt and uncle. I got to have wild fun as a teenager and that was the end result which benefited them. I assumed to know what God had planned for me and my life. Then as time went by I realized my place in Jarrod's life and his ultimate placement in my heart and being a beam in my back. I realized my family and how amazing they are and how much I totally love them and that there are hard things but you move on past them and everyone grows and adjusts in their own way. I am not the ONLY one in my family to have difficult things. Every single person on EARTH has hard things. I am not "special" in that way. And now I see that there is more in life. Quitting drugs several years ago helped me see the world as a larger place and that there is an abundance of possibility. I have had some really difficult times since Gold was born, in other aspects of life. Hard, hard things have been thrown my way which seemed unfair but fighting through them seems worth it in the end. I wonder if someday I will feel freely to talk about those things as I can talk freely about Gold now? Why is it so hard to talk about what is REALLY hard right now in my life? I don't know. Recently well after I had Mahna I had some really bad days of depression which I associate with post partum blues. But could I just get on my blog and pour my heart out to whomever might read and say I am so depressed that I want to run into a pole with my car? I feel useless and invisible and have nothing but self hatred in my heart and mind. I could NOT say that. I felt weak and was afraid to be judged or that someone would say I am an ungrateful person or try to lock me up as a looney suicidal when I just really needed to TALK and make sense of the things in my mind which did make me feel abnormal. It was confusing to feel so sad yet so so so elated by my beautiful miracle of a daughter who is nothing but joy and wonder. I am so thankful for her and I am thankful now that my mind is going back to "normal" and that I don't have sad angry thoughts closing in on my every thought. I truly empathise with those who have consistant depression on a daily basis and their fight against the waves crashing in. THAT is a strong person who can handle that for years.
Well I suppose that is enough of a rant for now. I am sure I have taken up too much of your time already and I do need to go to sleep now that Jarrod has been in bed a couple hours and Mahna is asleep and I am done wrapping all but ONE present and I am tired=======
So goodnight and thanks for reading. Leave me a happy face comment or something so I know you are a true loyal God send of a person in my life to have read my rant and still checked back on my blog after so much time.
Adios..... more soon, I promise! :)

hold me now......... warm my heart...... stay with me...

I am over the initial shock of giving up work life and money. Well maybe not totally over the money but I have had a marvelous weekend with Mahna. Her pediatrician advised me to quit drinking milk, eating cheese and eggs to see if that might help her not be so cranky. So i have given up my favorite food CHEESE! But I can tell a difference in her after just two days. She is breathing better and her face is not so flaky anymore. Last night I held her while she slept for about 2 hours and again tonight for about an hour before putting her in her bed. I also held her during her nap today and I am probably spoiling her but I just enjoy it so much and so does she. I considered going to church today and it seemed like too much trouble. I hate to say that because I really enjoy hearing what the preacher has to say and getting my thoughts going. But I am not ready to leave Mahna in the hands of strangers or taking her to church with me makes it hard to concentrate. Blah blah blah. I talked to my sistah on the phone today which was cool since we so rarely do talk on the phone. She is such a cool person I really admire her. I also like it that she always asks me if I am "writing" but doesn't get frustrated when I always seem to answer "no". :) I know how important it is to write and my main excuse for not doing it is that someone might read the insanity and confusion I would put onto paper and know what I am really like inside.

jitter

I quit my housecleaning business today. Mahna is so cranky and irregular with her naptimes these days I can't take her with me anymore. A four hour cleaning can take up to six... I just get too frustrated and feel like I am not doing as well of a job as I am getting paid for. The alternative to quitting was to ask my mom to babysit three times a week. Jarrod and I talked about it and really didn't want her to be more of a babysitter than a grandma. I also don't want the time to fly by while Mahna is a baby. If I have the chance to be with her all the time, I should sieze the opportunity. I feel nervous and anxious about quitting. I feel like I lost control of something but I think it is just temporary. I am just nervous about life and changes. I want to be a good mother, wife and all around person. I dunno. I feel depressed cuz I feel out of control. It will pass... That is my update. Mahna is an angel. Fun and adorable. Pure joy in my world. She smiles, laughs and likes to play. It is cool and each new cool thing she does I think wow I can't believe things will keep getting cooler than this!!

howdy

yea its been 4 ever i know......& i am typing onehanded right now for this reason.......i have the privalege of a child who wants mucho time & attention. she is a cutie... she has started batting at toys w/ her hands and making lots of talky noises. she is getting bigger and you can see the features of her face more. i take her to clean 2 of the 3 houses I clean with me. my mom watches her on weds when I clean for evelyn. Tomorrow is evelyns 84th bday and i am cleaning early for her this week cuz of thanksgiving. This week on weds Lynne Kelly and GOLD are coming to visit! I can't believe it and i am so nervous and totally excited. I can't wait to see all of them, as it has been 16 months since I have seen them! Our neighbor gave us their old chimenea last week and it was cracked and we accidently broke it but now it is a cool fire pit so we have fires on our porch every night. people come and go here and there and I usually can't enjoy it much but sometimes when its not too chilly mahna goes out w/ me. well she is needing to go to bed so i better go! thanks for reading after so long of not posting!

SARAH!!!!!!!

Sarah if u read this tell me your blog addy cuz I do not know it! ALso what is your email cuz I want to send u pics of Mahna!

Okay am I being horrid about this bloggaroonie or what! Jeez its been way over a week. Well lets see so I told you Franky got out of jail> I told you my cuzin Adam came to visit. hmmm Oh I stayed the night at my parents 2 saturdays ago. It was wierd but fun cuz me and Anna stayed up til 3 or 4 in the morning watching "saved" and "white oleander". Both cool movies. Then last week I started thinking I might quit cleaning Evelyn's house. I am sort of tired of driving all the way out there and because of gas prices and having to leave Mahna w/ my mom it is starting to not be worth the money. who knows what I will do tho. Halloween was fun. I dressed Mahna as a punkin and I was the punkin fairy. I loked like a butterfly really but oh well. We trik or treated down my parents house and got some candy. Anna and i went and saw "SAW" that day too and that movie is pretty freaky. I was thinking today about good things to say to a new mommy. These are compliments people have given me that meant something to me.

"your swelling has really gone down, you look thinner everytime I see you"

"you can really tell that you spend a lot of time with your baby, she is so happy"

"a calm mommy makes for a calm baby"

"what a lucky baby to be getting the good stuff (breastmilk)!"

Man there was more but I totally forgot cuz I didn't write them down. Oh well. Have a good day!!!!

no phone no phone

I have been getting calls that I have not returned. I don;t mean to be like that I just stay so bizy. Sorry if u have called me and I haven't got back to u yet. My cuzin is in town and we went shopping w/ his wife and two kiddos today. It was fun. It is hard to take Mahna shopping. I had to feed her in the bathroom a couple times. She needed attention pretty much the whole time we were there so I didn't get to look at much. It was still fun tho. Franky got out of jail today. I dont know why but my parents were on their way to pick him up tonight. We thought he wouldn't get out until his court date over a week away. My mom is sick. I hope she doesn't have the flu but I think she does... I cleaned Evelyn's yesterday. It was good to see her. My mom babysat Mahna and I got the cleaning done super fast. I was very hesitant to leave her but then it was sort of okay to be away for a couple hours. I don't want to turn into a complete psycho about not ever being separated from her. Well sorry so boring lately not much interesting to say I guess.

well

I guess no one cared about my drama. I didn't even get an anonymous judgemental comment. Hee hee.

Well visiting Franky was fun but short. Having Kendra here was really cool and made me wish we could all just move back in my parents house so we could hang out all the time. I am sure my parents would love that. haha.

Mahna is a cutie pie. I just love her to death. She seems to bring joy to everyone's face when she is around.

Jarrod is getting extra work at night and saturdays so we can save up for a house. Only about 6 months or less til Casey gets out of jail. We will probably stay with him a little while after he gets out though.

TACO TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well

I guess no one cared about my drama. I didn't even get an anonymous judgemental comment. Hee hee.

Well visiting Franky was fun but short. Having Kendra here was really cool and made me wish we could all just move back in my parents house so we could hang out all the time. I am sure my parents would love that. haha.

Mahna is a cutie pie. I just love her to death. She seems to bring joy to everyone's face when she is around.

Jarrod is getting extra work at night and saturdays so we can save up for a house. Only about 6 months or less til Casey gets out of jail. We will probably stay with him a little while after he gets out though.

TACO TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well

I guess no one cared about my drama. I didn't even get an anonymous judgemental comment. Hee hee.

Well visiting Franky was fun but short. Having Kendra here was really cool and made me wish we could all just move back in my parents house so we could hang out all the time. I am sure my parents would love that. haha.

Mahna is a cutie pie. I just love her to death. She seems to bring joy to everyone's face when she is around.

Jarrod is getting extra work at night and saturdays so we can save up for a house. Only about 6 months or less til Casey gets out of jail. We will probably stay with him a little while after he gets out though.

TACO TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rat a tat tat

I started cleaning houses again this week. The first was Thursday and went pretty well. It took 5 hours instead of 4 because of feeding Mahna, but overall she was pretty good. There is a big flight of stairs at this house which wore me out after a while, but it felt good to be doing some form of exercise. At night tho my c section incision started hurting and I could feel something poking out under the skin so I started freaking out thinking I had hurt myself by going back to cleaning too soon. Well Friday I had a house that was only supposed to take 3 hr but it took four because of feeding Mahna and she was a little crankier. This one really wore me out cuz there are so many floors to mop in it. I was really sore by the time I left there. I called the DR to see if I should be worried and the nurse said that the pokey thing I felt under my skin was the sutures holding my insides together and not to worry it would dissolve ina couple weeks. She also said that if my incision hurts I should slow down, I am doing too much. So okay, I will slow down Saturday thru Weds. when I have another house to clean. No problem. I really like having Mahna with my while I clean a house. I can't really stand to be away from her, it makes me miss her so much. I do have moments though where I am annoyed because I am all into cleaning and I have to stop and go sit and feed her or just hold her for a minute. I try to keep my annoyance in check because I know she will only be a baby such a short while and I will miss her smallness and dependence on me....... Ugh it makes me sad to think of her growing up already!

Well Franky is doing fine in jail. He has a private ]cell so I am glad he can't get beat up. He has court Nov 1st so that is not too too long and he will probably get a year probation. I have only known one person who went on probation and passed it without going back to jail. That is my husband. Everyone else I know has screwed it up. I hope Franky will do good tho.

I kicked one of Jarrod's friends out of our house last night. He is such an idiot. He is literally the stupidest most pitiful person I have ever met. I know that sounds totally cruel and all I can say is you have to meet the guy. He hits his wife occassionally.... that usually makes people not like him right off. The thing is he comes over and he can be decent and tolerable but once in a while he wants to drink a whole bottle of whiskey and that is retarted in itself. I don't know why but he is just a person who can't have a casual beer and play cards or watch sports or just hang out. It is either get fall down literally brain dead drunk or nothing. Jarrod can't stand it either but he likes the sober part of his friend, so he lets him keep coming back. Plus they have been friends since 5th grade. I just think he is selfish and arrogant. Well last night he went to the bathroom and grabbed the towel rack to hold himself up and feel down and broke it and peed on the floor. This is so freaking pitiful am I not right? Maybe a few years ago I would think it was funny but not now. Then Jarrod was in the process of taking him out to his car (so his wife could drive him home) and he knocks over my shelf on the wall with my willow tree figurine with a mom, dad and baby off the wall. It didn't break but an ornament did. I was just too fed up and pissed off so I got off the couch and screamed some profanities at him and told him to get out. Nice huh> here is the real caroline cussing and freaking out. Well I didn't care I just wanted him to leave and he did. Enough drama for ya?

Today Kendra is here so I am gonna get a shower and go over to my parents for the day. I think we are going to do crafty stuff like scrapbooking, cardmaking, journaling and quilting. I am looking forward to it but I will miss being with Jarrod like I am used to on Saturdays. I am glad Kendra is here tho. I have been looking forward to it all week. Tonight we are probably goign to go visit Franky in jail and then go to my grandma's for dinner. She lives right around the corner from the jail.

I am feeling better by the way. I am short on sleep but that is nothing new. Sinuses are getting better and I still sound like pee wee herman but I don't feel so crappy anymore. Yippee! Thanks for asking, sarah! By the way email me the link to your blog cuz I don't know it anymore!!!!!! Love ya all! Caroline

physically sick and heart sick

I am physically sick because of someone being careless while they were sick. It just makes me even more aware of washing my hands and trying not to spread germs. I am praying for this sickness to leave quickly because on top of having no sleep, having to take sinus medicine is insanity. I want sleep and I want to be able to breathe.

I am heart sick because my brother turned himself in Saturday and is in Denton County jail now. You can see his mugshot thru the "look up your fave criminal" on my side menu. I am just heartbroken seeing his face as a mugshot. He is my little brother, my little sweetie whose face I kissed a million times. Who was our playmate...... Ugh. I am so sad. Sad for his hurt and loneliness and regrets and anger. Sad for not being able to rescue not just him but everyone I love and wish to make everything good for.

debate debate debateq

We just got done watching the debate. It seemed like a lot of the same stuff from the first debate. I enjoy watching it and actually do not get "bored" during the debates but sometimes do sort of zone out during the answers. I did not get to see the second debate but from the first one to this one I found it sort of amusing how they weren't so friendly to eachother as they were at the first one. It was actually more of a "debate" to me, this time.

Today I experienced truly what some stay at home moms must get so frustrated about. First I took Mahna to the DR at 10 a.m. only to wait for an hour to see the DR for 5 minutes. I drove through town with Mahna crying loudly in the back seat, where I could not reach her or calm her. Then I waited at the pharmacy for almost another hour and then left with no medicine because of a mistake with the insurance. Then I spent 90 minutes straight on the phone trying to straighten the situation out, besides changing diapers and feeding and fighting off a wasp in the baby room and cleaning up cat barf. Meanwhile I am dead tired from getting a total of 5 hours of sleep and therefor very cranky. I also have a big stack of dishes and a lot of laundry which I hoped to get done but by the time Jarrod got home I felt like I had not only accomplished nothing today, butwasn't even able to get the medicine for Mahna. It was not DIRE to get it, but still. Just a little frustrating.

On a different note, I had a great birthday. I got so many cool gifts. I was surrounded by my family all day and that was really great. We went to the Hibachi grill and Anna and I ate lots o' sushi, even raw quail eggs. haha. It was coolio. Good day that I didn't want to end. Oh and the coolest part was in the morning when I was laying in bed with Mahna and for a couple hours we just dozed in and out and made faces at eachother. She made my birthday special. My mommy also went to great legnths to make my birthday special by getting me an ice cream cake, balloons and taking me to do stuff all day.

Sorry so scattered, I am sleeeeeeeeeeeepy.
Tomorrow is margarita party day for the OU vs TX game! WOo hoo

Too Early For Water

I don't know about you but I can't drink water too early in the morning, after I awaken. For some reason the one thing that has no real taste or ingredients just tastes gross in the morning. Even after I have brushed my teeth haha. Today I am worried about Jarrod driving in the rain. His tires are bald and I know he will be sliding around on the highway as long as the roads are wet. I wish this rain would let up. I don't want to be losin' my baby daddy. This weekend we went to the FAIR and it was FUN. We ate yummy fair food and saw lots of hoochie mama african americans. It just happened to be the day there were two african american colleges playing at the cotton bowl, so we were the minority. It also took us 1 hr 45 min just to get INTO the fair b/c of traffic. honest, it really was fun tho. Stormy, Lonnie and Cory went with us, my parents watched Mahna, and she did just fine taking a bottle and being a little shweetie. Lucky them, cuz she was cranky head all morning for me. Well next week I am reassuming my role as a professional housekeeper. It has been a lovely break, but I do have the earthly desire for money and the security of it flowing in, not to mention the self worth of helping pay the bills. I do so enjoy being with my babycakes 24 hours a day, though, so I hope to work that with my work. Today I will attempt cleaning my own house to physically prepare myself for returning to my real world. I really wish this rain would quit though. GRRRRRRRRRRR. Tuesday is my burfday. I will be 25~! If I hadn't just had a kiddo and been quite distracted I would plan myself a party to have adult beverages with all the people I enjoy being around. Unfortunately my bday is tomorrow and I haven't planned anything. Haha. Oh well. I will be just as happy having a glass of champagne with my huz. My mommy bought me a new pair of tennis shoes for my bday. I can't wait to get them. They are Ryka, which were on the Oprah show so u know they gotta be sumthin! Seriously they feel really good and I am looking forward to starting exercise again very soon so it is cool to have a brand new pair of shoes. My feet GREW while I was pregnant. I know this is a normal pregnancy thing, but it still trips me out haha. Allrighty well Mahna is sleeping so I better take a little cat nap myself. XOXO Happy Monday.

Olan Mills

Today I was planning to take Mahna to get her picture taken at Olan Mills. Through all the millions of coupons I got from the hospital, there was a package of free pictures from Olan Mills. I figured since it was her one month bday today what a good thing to do. :) Well I lookd up Olan Mills.com and would you believe the closest one is 136 miles away in some town in Oklahoma!!!!!! crazy. Well I guess that gas money would not be worth the free pictures haha.

I can't believe it has been a month already. Now I am scared that time is going by too fast. I am such a spaz about that. I do spend lots of time holding her and playing with her, and since I am not working or goign to skewl right now it is all fun and games except for sleep deprivation, which isn't actually an everyday occurance, thank God.

I am looking forward to this weekend. It is sort of my "pre birthday" weekend. We are going to the state fair on Saturday. I love the Texas state fair. It is so fun to walk around checking out all the people, try to win prizes, and eat lots of yummy food. I probably won't do any RIDES this year, but that doesn't really bother me. I think for my actual birthday, next Tuesday, we are going to go to dinner at Jin Beh w/ my parents. That is a very cool and not too expensive hibachi grill. My mommy gets the privalege of babysitting Mahna this Saturday for the state fair and Jarrod's parents can watch her for my bday dinner.

Okay well she is awake and hungry so I better go! Thanks for reading!

6 days later

Okay, i have to get back in the blog saddle again! At least I made it less than a week. :) So did anyone see the news flash last night about the "danger of blogs and teens"? It was a good point they made. The news station was not knocking journals, just letting parents/ kids know that things written on the web can be permanent and u never know when someone might look up your blog 20 years down the road and hold your opinions and thoughts against you. I think the point they were trying to make was that if you became famous or a political or religious leader, you may not hold the same opinions as an adult as you did as a teen, so dont make them permanent on the internet.

Of course I have to give a little Mahna update. She has been sorda fussy lately so when she had her newborn well check today I asked the DR what to do to help her be happier and more comfortable. Apparently babies need a good balance of quiet alone time, and stimulation. So too much holding, passing around, TV, music, noises........ all day long lead to a tired grumpy nighttime baby. So right now I am letting her sit still in her room to get happy for her daddy who won't be home til 8 tonight, cuz he is out makin extra $$$. The DR also said that she is totally healthy and is growing wonderfully! That makes me very happy. I knew she looked chubbier but it is good to hear a DR say she is proud of me for how well I am doing with breastfeeding. Some people may not know how challenging breastfeeding can be at first. I am just glad to be past the first two weeks. I sure love our alone time together. It is a cool thing to know I am making food for her! So wierd!

Okay well that is all for today. Have a good one!

is it really FRIDAY already?

Man time does fly. I feel like I have lost track of days since Mahna has been born. In a way it's like oh she is only two weeks old, but in another way it seems like OH MY GOSH SHE IS ALREADY two weeks old. So anyway........ Yes I am obsessed w/ my babycakes and I don't think of much else besides her and Jarrod. I have been having off and on bouts of "postpartum depression". It is very confusing to feel very sad and have depressing thoughts going through my mind to the point of crying sometimes when I am the happiest woman on earth. It makes no sense at all and I hope it goes away very soon. It not only confuses me but people around me and especially Jarrod, so I am really wanting it to be GONE. It isn't constant, just occassional but DAILY and that sucks. Okay enough whining. As for Mahna Grace she is beautiful and getting more alert by the day, staying awake longer between meals. I think her eyes are getting more focused on things now as she has seemed to notice some of her toys and when she looks at me it seems like she is really looking at me. When we are home alone I enjoy holding her as much as possible. I know that when we go out places I will not hold her at all because everyone wants a piece of this lil bundle. Last night was my gma's bday and she had a housefull of kids, grandkids, great grandkids... she had so much fun. People brought TONS of food and it was yummmmmmmmmmmEEEEEEEEE. Anna didn't get to go cuz she has strep and couldn't be around babies or the other kids for that matter until this morning when her meds took full effect. I felt bad for her but she stayed at our house w/ Jarrod all night and ended up having a lot of fun, so it all worked out. Today is Tom's memorial service at 2:00. Kendra should be here at any time, so I am looking forward to going over to my parents house to hang out w/ my cuz, gma, auntie and sister until Jarrod picks Mahna and I up for the service. Well have a good day and take care! Happy weekend to everyone. CAROLINE

apples and oranges

I am eating an apple and orange for breakfast. I would have opted for the easier version of CEREAL but there's no milk in da fridge. A week from today I should be able to DRIVE again, yippee.

Yesterday my grandpa Tom passed away, on "grandparent's day". :( I am so sad that I can't talk to him anymore, but it has been a while since I could really talk to him anyway. He got to see Mahna, so that is cool. Cancer is so confusing. It is like once a person goes on Hospice, you know they will die, but then it is like well maybe any day now he will wake up and have another chance and I can talk to him again... I feel really sad for my grandma. That was probably her last "companion".....

I also met Franky's room mate, Kace, yesterday. He is the one who wrecked my video camera and doesn't have the $ to fix it. Grr. I am sort of over that, though. It was good to meet him cuz Franky has known him and semi lived w/ him for a little while. Franky insisted that he had to come outside and meet Mahna. Franky loves her so much, it is so cute.

I am looking forward to the few family members who are coming in from Kansas City this weekend. It will be cool to see my aunt and my cuzins and of course KENDRA. :)

Have a good Monday. Mahna and I will be going to the hospital for a PKU whatever that is, today. It is just 'routine' for a two wk old kiddo. I can't believe she will be 2 wks already. Time is flying too fast!

XOXO

Saturday

Well we made our first official family trip to Walmart today. And of course, Mahna screamed most of the time, so that was appropriate. It would have been a perfect walmart trip if we were also beating her going thru the store. haha. Sorry inside joke. Okay well anyway today was groovacious. Mahna let me sleep twice last night for four hours each time and that was great. Then an hour after I got up my parents came over and my dad showed us how to record off his video camera. Mahna was sweet and enjoyable as always. Then Jarrod and I went to Cero's Heroes in Grapevine and got a super tasty sub. We drove to the lake an dhad a little picnic then ended up walking around Walmart. That is where I grocery shop, so I go there often, but Jarrod never comes and today he did so that was cool. Then Jarrod's mom watched Mahna while we went to our friends bday party. It was fun to go out and to be able to drink a beer. BUTTTTTTTTTTTTT mostly I just missed mahna the whole time and I didn' t know what to do with myself. It was a wierd feeling. I am so attached to my baby cakes. I am glad that Jarrod's mom got to spend some time w/ her tho. My mom was kind of bummed she didn' tget to bbsit but hopefully she won't hold it against me. :) Well then we came home and Jarrod was in a cleaning mood so we did some cleaning and that was coolio. So anyway I am dead tired now so more later. ADIOS

"when you're down, look at a clown"

Anyone know what movie that quote is from??? Popquiz!!!!!!

well I was thinking of writing a pity party blog because I have the blues going on today. But once long ago someone gave me the treasured advice to make a list of things I am thankful for if I start feeling sorry for myself. (I have also been given the advice to pray for other people when I feel bummed).

So here is my list:

I am thankful for me and Jarrod's baby. I am so thankful that I get to be a mommy, for I know not everyone gets to. I am thankful that my brother wanted to come hang out w/ me today and wants to spend the weekend w/ my family. I am thankful that we live in a house w/ cheap rent and that we might be able to get a house of our own in the next year or so. I am thankful that I had a successful and healthy pregnancy. I am VERY thankful that the pain of my C Section is finally starting to subside. I am thankful that Mahna is healthy and happy and oh so cute. I am thankful my cats have not given us a hard time or got in Mahna's face or anything freaky. I am thankful that both of my sisters fell in love w/ my daughter. I am thankful that things smoothed out w/ us and Jarrod's parents and I am actually sort of thankful that Jarrod did not get that job he was trying for. (is it ok to be sort of thankful?) I am thankful that my grandma made the effort to come spend the day w/ me yesterday despite her circumstances. I am thankful for my husband and his strong sense of family.

Okay well thanks for listening. I must say I feel better now! Glad I didn't mope it out on the blogger. XOXO
Caroline

And I Fear........

One of the bestest Sarah Mclachlan songs ever is "FEAR". Just thought I would say that. I am thinking of my fears today. I am here tonight, momentarily, to journal my fears.

I am afraid for a mosquito to bite my baby. I am afraid to fall asleep feeding her and drop her. I am scared to go back to cleaning houses and still be breastfeeding. I am scared my husband might get cancer someday and die slowly like my Grampa Tom is now. I am scared for time to go by too quickly and Mahna to be grown up too fast. I am scared for my brother to go to jail. I am scared for someone I won't mention by name and their blind addiction. I am afraid for my friend who seems to always be unhappy. I fear for changes in relationships and things that are unknown. I am scared I may never want to finish college now that I have my beautiful Mahna.

The end... or all I could think of for now.

No complaints YET

I guess I am still in La La land. I know, it has only been a week, but it seems like a long time. I am anxious to get HEALED from the surgery and get back on my feet. I love being strapped to my house though, cuz i could just sit and hold her all day long until Jarrod gets home and I will share her a little bit. :) I am just so happy and I am waiting for the bubble to burst. Any day now I just know she is going to turn into a screamer. So far so good, though. Jarrod has been super cool, complimenting me on doing a good job. He is so in love w/ Mahna and I totally enjoy watching him love her. Moosh moosh moosh. :)

Sad things too...... my papa is in the hospital in Amarillo and may have to have a leg amputated. It is so sad, but he is a strong old man and will be okay, I just hate to think of him being lonely out there and contemplating losing a leg.

My other grandpa Tom is bed bound and dying of cancer. He is just skin and bones and when I took Mahna to see him yesterday he didn't recognize us. It is so sad to watch and I know that my grandma's heart must be so broken by losing another man that she loves. I am glad they had 5 years together though. She is a strong woman, too.

Off the wall but there is a stupid commercial that just irritates me so much! It is for sw airlines I think and this little boy is talking to his grandpa and he says "grampy I won the game!" his grandpa says i wish I could have been there and the little boy says, "me too cuz that is what you said at christmas and my birthday and when my baby sister was born and at halloweeen........." Oh my gosh I have heard that dumb commercial so many times and it is so STUPID> UGH quit calling him GRAMPY!!!!!!!! hahahahhahhaha

Have a happy random day! XOXO

all day everyday

My life is like revolved around Mahna all day every day. I hardly remember what day it is or care what time it is except for if it has been the amount of hours it is supposed to be to feed her again. i love this so much. I know it has only been a few days, but it is cool to have a reason and purpose that is just so amazing. I am not tired of staring at her or feeding her or listening to her sounds. I love it that people want to come over all the time to see her and hold her. So many people love her already. I love to see Jarrod staring at her or kissing her. It is enjoyable to change her diapers and hear her noises and put pajamas on her. I want to freeze time and keep her just like she is right now. TOnight Kendra got to come over w/ my mom and Anna and she held her for soo long, it was very cool to see Kendra happy about her too. Each and every person in both our families and our friends who hold her, stare at her and love on her puts a different special feeling in my heart. That is it, I am obsessed. I have become what I once didn't really understand and thought was annoying.

home

It is nice to be home. My mom told me on the drive from the hospital back home that I wouldn't miss the hospital once I was back at home and she is right. I really liked the nurses and enjoyed my stay at the Medical Center of Lewisville, but I am happy to be at home with my kitties and especially Jarrod. He stayed the night every night at the hospital, but it was such a small amount of time compared to how much I was awake there. I just couldn't relax all the way and take my eyes off Mahna. The drive home was a little nerve wracking. I was so scared that someone was going to hit my mom's van. Thank God I only live five minutes from the hospital. My mom has been so awesome, taking care of everything for me constantly. She was at the hospital almost all day everyday with me. I feel like crying when I think about how happy she is and how much time she sacrificed lately. Thank you to everyone who came to visit me at the hospital. It can be a lonely place, and you all made it a good memory. Well I am pretty tired and loopy now so ask me questions if there is stuff u want to know and don't know. Love ya! Caroline

eeeeeeeeeek

I am nervous about tomorrow. I can't believe it is here already. I am excited though, too and I can';t wait to see me and Jarrod's lil baby and to see him hold her. I will be at Lewisville Hospital until Friday afternoon, so if you want to come visit and meet Mahna, come on! :)

shout out

I would just like to give a shout out to Jana and Brent. Thanks for always reading my blog!! It makes me feel very good to know that you care what I have to say! :)

Today has been a pretty cool day over all. Here i am blogging at 1:45 in the morning and I am not tired yet. I enjoy staying up all hours of the night when I have the freedom to do so. I am sure I won't like it so much when it is a have to situation. Who knows though. I have no clue what it will be like bringing Mahna home. Jarrod put the bassinet together tonight and it is in our room now. It is so hard to imagine there will actually be a little tiny person in there in another week. I only have Sunday, Monday and part of Tuesday and this pregnancy is over, man. That is such a freaky thing. I knew eventually this day would come, but holy cow, is it really only a couple days now??? Jarrod and I rearranged our room today so the bassinet would fit next to my side of the bed. We had to rearrange every single piece of furniture drastically to get this to work, but it was fun. Jarrod is super good at decorating. He is very mathematical and precise about things being centered, etc. Then we super cleaned the whole house for almost two hours. I am so glad to have a clean house. It sure did hurt though. I actually sat down and cried, but then again I am a big baby so that is no suprise. Then we went to dinner w/ Jarrod's parents, grandparents, Tivany, Warren, Freddy, Kristina and kiddos. Freddy and Kristina came out for the baby's birth. I am so glad they are here, I totally enjoy Kristina's company and it had been almost a year since we had seen our nephews. So it's nothin' but fun times for the next few days. Except for the part of getting my gut cut open. That I am a little nervous about but well I will save that for another day.

Happy Sunday!!!!

Oh happy day!

Today turned out to be a really good day. My mom forced me out of the house to get a manicure and pedicure. That is soo relaxing. I really did not want to go, but I made myself anyway. The lady who does it is so sweet and cute and funny and it was just cool as always to spend time with my mom. I think being pregnant has made me so much more attached to her. She is so giving, but I do worry sometimes she is giving so much of herself and she needs to keep a little for her. Then we shared a zesty turkey panido from Jack in the Crack. That was soooo yummy. I highly suggest everyone trying one! MMMMMMMM and we went to the Saturn dealership cuz Jarrod wanted to know the price of the Saturn version of an SUV (he is determined for me to be an SUV driver.....) which is called "VUE" and are about $20,000 new. WOA lots o money even tho most SUV's are more than that. Then we went to Denton to visit my Grandma who is such a delightful person to be around although she is caring for my dying grandpa 24 hours a day. It is so sad watching him slowly suffer and forget everyone and not be in reality anymore. It is so depressing. I am really amazed how well my grandma is doing. She is so sweet, I am so lucky to have such a sweet granny poo. Anyway MOOSH MOOSH. Then Jarrod and I had dinner w/ our friends Cindy and Tom at Abuelo's *YUUUUUM*. It was such a nice dinner. Great conversation and they are just really cool people to be around. She made me feel good saying she was anxious for me to clean her house again. Their first reaction when we walked in.... "you are humungous!"..... and I am! haha. Tonight after we got home I got to talk to my semi long distance friend, Jana, and my very long distance friend Kimmy. It was cool to talk to both of them, so that was a good ending of a day that turned out so much better than it started out. Night night for now.........

someone call the waaaahmbulance

Seen the movie the KID? I love that chubby little boy he is so adorable! He reminds me sorda of my brother when he was little. It is so sad that other kids are so mean to chubby kids cuz they don't get it that chubby kids are the cutest ones!!! Anyway I am feeling very waaaaaaaaah today. I am hot. I am dizzy, I am nauseous. I am so nervous about being a mom. I am so guilty for being a jerk to Jarrod. I feel like I weigh 500 pounds. I am so tired and grumpy and just want to go back to sleep but I have plans today and it is supposed to be fun so I need to suck it up. I want to know how do people make it through pregnancy when they have a kid already??? Seems impossible. Well Have a good day....... I wish I had more interesting stuff to say. XOXO

effects of pregnancy

For those of you who want to have a baby or are about to, let me tell you about the ninth month of this beautiful experience. The baby is so large that even if you are a chubby girl like me u can see the baby moving around in your stomach. The movements are so large it is really neat and makes you so curious about seeing the baby for the first time soon. Now for the bad stuff. Have you ever had heartburn? It is horrid feeling. The belly gets to be bigger than a basketball, I would say and it is also hard like a basketball, so it is not just like being fat and squishy, you can't move around it. It is hard to shave your legs after a certain point. Painting your own toenails is pretty much out. Sleeping is not comfort anymore. I sleep with five pillows and I still barely get a few hours some nights, because no matter what my back has piercing pains. My hips hurt, my arms fall asleep easily. When I turn from side to side my stomach contracts, as in the whole thing gets rock hard and hurts to the point you can just lay there and wait for a few seconds til it goes away. As of today I have 9 days until my scheduled C Section. I am not too scared yet. I am anxious to get a normal type body back, and I am anxious to take care of a baby. I am scared of how things will change in me and Jarrod's relationship, but I am praying for the best. I am looking forward to exercising again in a few weeks. The more I have read about what can happen after vaginal birth, the more that I am glad I am having a surgical birth. I am not upset at all about not "experiencing childbirth". I think I will be a good mom anyway, no matter how my child comes into the world. So here I go on the countdown..........

ugh

I am depresed. Jarrod did not get "the job". They are supposedly using someone within the company to fill the position now. That is after two weeks of stringing us along and interviewing him four times! I am sort of mad at a lot of people. Why not list them out? Jarrod's uncle and boss would not give him a half day off to try the job out like they wanted him to. So it is his fault partly in my opinion. Or it is probably just not meant to be but I am bummed out about it nonetheless. Then I am at my mom's house all day and I am helping Franky make phone calls about court etc. He skipped his possession of marijuana court date so we were trying to find out what he should do now. Well he HAS to go to jail. There is no way around it. So I am sad for him and worried about him and irritated he didn't listen to my parents earlier and do something about it. Then Jarrod's dad wants us to co-sign on an electric bill. We said no which got Jarrod a huge guilt trip. I just don't understand how someone can ask their CHILD for money. We would be reliable for a full year if we cosigned. And Jarrod's dad was so NOT understanding when Jarrod said no. And it wasn't just NO, it was after a few days of agonizing over it. We just have to watch out for ourself sometimes. Ugh.... Also I went to the DR yesterday and my blood pressure was up some and I am swollen, but not too bad. So they hooked me up w/ machines to monitor the baby and took my blood which the nurse sucked at taking blood and I almost passed out. Anyway I didn't get to find out the results yet but I am just moody and depressed. I am probably fine. I only have two weeks (from today) til the C Section anyway. I am just disappointed about the job mostly. I was so hoping that we could have insurance and Jarrod could have an opportunity to move forward. I know I have to trust God and remember that he has his reasons for everything. Today just sucks!!!

nut N honey

Not much going on it seems like. Nothing I have thought to journal about. I am about ready to pop this alien baby out of my belly. My back hurts and I am uncomfy constantly. I told my mom thank God only 18 days til I am out of this bad mood. She said JUST WAIT! Haha. So I am nervous about breastfeeding and waking up and taking care of another human being. My friend told me her baby almost drown the other day when she turned around for five seconds. Her baby is almost 3 yrs old. She is also a very attentive mom so it shows that anything can happen. SCARY. Tonight is Jarrod's keg party. Hopefully we get enough diapers for the first month. If not oh well I am just glad Jarrod will be getting some attention for once since I know he is so excited about Mahna and has been put on the back burner for a few months now and everything is about his pregnant wife and soon to be born baby. We still don't know for sure if he will get the new job. He has had an interview w/ three different people so far. They have all but scared him to death over how "stressful and difficult" the job is. I don't know if they want him to run away or what! The main discussion that still hasn't happened is PAY, which hopefully will happen Tuesday or Weds. They are going to have him come in for a couple hours and just watch what they do and sort of try it himself, so he can see if he can handle it. I really just want him to be happy and maybe a little more challenged. I do know there is a line between being challenged and being absolutely stressed out. I feel like my old job got to me too much and changed how I was toward family and husband and myself. So I don't want him to have to cross that line......... even for us to have health insurance. I am enjoying us getting along awesomely and everything being so smooth. I am scared to death of baby coming and our relationship changing. I am also scared of a job taking over his brain and changing us. I guess I should have titled this blog "scared of change" haha. Well happy weekend! Thanks to those of you who read and also those who comment! XOXO Caroline

'bout time for an update uh huh uh huh

I always leave ya hangin don't I? Sorry. I honestly tried to blog yesterday but the blogger website wouldn't work for me. OOh hold on the mail just came. Oh well nothing exciting. Yes, I am bored! I slept until 10:30 today. There were many awake times in between when I went to bed, too, though.

Jarrod's job interview went great. They basically offered him the job. Pay still hasn't been discussed, and they want him to come work a half a day to see how he likes it first. So it looks like his "diaper/keg party" next Friday night will also be a possible celebration of the new job. I am so excited. I am also paranoid for something bad to happen.

I went to the DR on Tuesday and scheduled my c section for AUGUST 31st. That way she won't be sharing her bday w/ any family members, and she will be able to start kindegarten when she is five instead of six, if she is ready. The doctor says that after 37 weeks the baby is full term, so at that point I will be 38 1/2 weeks. As of right now I am so sick of the heat and it is only Aug. 5. I also feel most of the time as if I can not breathe for her lil' booty pushing on my diaphragm. It is wierd when I came home from the DR I expected to be really excited, but I felt really depressed all day instead. I guess maybe knowing the end is coming and I won't get to feel her moving inside my belly anymore. Cutting the umbilical cord is like releasing her into the world without being able to protect her anymore...

On happier notes: Kendra and John arrived in Austin yesterday successfully! My mom was with them, and my dad and Anna went to meet them with a few pieces of furniture and the oh-so-important SHOWER CURTAIN. (anyone ever moved in a place and forgot they would need a SHOWER CURTAIN? haha... bet you have!) SO I am anxious to hear how things are going w/ them. If all goes as planned there will be a "welcome to Texas party" for Kendra and John next Sunday at my parents house. So there are two invites in this BLOG entry. To Jarrod's Diaper Keg Party next Fri night at our house(bring a pkg of diapers, drink some tasty beer!) and the welcome to Teyhaus par-T on Sunday afternoon at my parent's house.

Have a great day!!!!!!!
Caroline

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers...

No, I am not singing this Garth Brooks song tonight. Today I am so excited because Jarrod had an interview with a new company. He may be getting a job where he does not drive anymore. He would be a dispatcher for a different courier company, and a boss over 27 people. The job will take 6 months of training just to learn it! He will get paid vacation and insurance, which he has never had with a job. It would be such an awesome opportunity for him and for us. I am so anxious for him to get it, I can hardly stand it. And it isn't even about money. It is about him having a job where he feels needed and probably would not dread going every day. I so want him to be happy with what he "does" and he has been talking for so long about having a job where he just drives to work and parks his truck instead of driving his truck 180-200 miles a day and spending $125 a week on gasoline. He has been wanting a "normal job" and I think has always believed he would not get one until he gets his GED and goes to college or something, although he still hadn't figured out 'what he wanted to do'. He has been in the courier bizness 5 1/2 years now, so he really knows a lot about it and the company he is with now is not moving him up or around in any good ways. I just am so excited and hopeful. I am probably getting my hopes up too much, which is always bad, but I can't stop it now, it is too late. He had his first interview today and they want him to come for two more interviews. The next one is on Tuesday, so I will be praying like crazy until then and appreciate anyone else doing the same.

Thngs 2 Lk Frwrd 2 & Thngs 2 B nrvs about

I am looking forward to seeing my neices all day today, but I am nervous that they will drive me nuts. I am so much moodier the last couple days than I have been lately. That is NOT a good thing. I feel myself getting irritable about the dumbest stuff and I am like ok chill out Caroline there is nothing to be mad about. I am also looking forward to having dinner w/ Jackie tonight. I see her maybe 2-3 times a year and always enjoy our conversations. I am nervous I won't be friends w/ people anymore who dont have kids cuz they will think it is annoying that I have a kid. :( I am looking forward to the baby being born, but I am sad I won't be pregnant anymore. I have over a month to enjoy it and appreciate all the things I will enjoy about having my body to myself again (sort of). I am getting lots of advice lately about the realities of life w/ baby, and life w/ toddler etc. It is keeping me in check I think, because I really have been all ga ga loopy excited about her coming and I know I am gonna get slapped in the face. It will actually be good to have people to say "I told you so".

after all that hoo haw

After all my hooing and hawing about wanting to have a natural birth, I am actually wanting a C Section now.

I will let that sink in to anyone who even cares in case u want to feel disappointed in my taking the easier way out, or if u want to sit back and say I told you so! haha

My decision is based on several things. One is that I already have a scar on my belly from Gold. So why scar anything else? I can also schedule this, which means everyone I want to be there should be and Jarrod can make sure he is off work. I won't have to go through numerous hours of labor and waiting........... and neither will my family. In about 5 minutes I will have a baby in my arms, who is hopefully healthy and has a nice round head. No fears of ruptured uterus, emergency hysterectome (sp?) or cords wrapped around the neck. These sound like good things to me. The only thing that doesn't sound good is being heavily drugged after my baby cakes is born. But I suppose that will mean it is Jarrod's time with the baby, and that is okay. I feel good about this decision.

Have a great FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!!
Caroline

just to make sure

Today I had a DR appt. and my mom wanted to go w/ me to see if she could talk the doctor into another ultrasound. I thought YA RIGHT. Last time I went, I asked him if I could have another one and he said "not unless something goes wrong". Well all my mom had to do was mention that we wanted one and he said okay. I almost fell off the table! So he did it himself and showed us all the bones and heart and placenta and abdomen. Everything looks find and healthy. And it is a GIRL! :) YIPPEEEEEEEEEE I am so glad that it is still a girl. I know that sounds funny but you never know what they can miss on an ultrasound and my first one was at 21 wks, so it could have just not showed that it was a boy yet. It is a good thing cuz she has a whole closet full of pink pajamas. :) We have about a million PJ's and like 2 regular outfits, haha. Oh well my mom said babies wear pajamas all the time anyway. I am so looking forward to her getting here. I even can't wait to change her diapers.

So, sorry about the legnth of time it has been since I blogged last. I have had things to say but just haven't taken time to type them. My brother came home Friday. My mom went and picked him up in Denton. He seems pretty happy to be home and is looking better so I think he is okay for as okay as he can be. I am still worried about him but it is good to know where he is and I see him almost everyday. I think Anna is happy for him to be home, too.

Mahna's baby shower was on Sunday. It was awesome! I had so much fun having so many friends and family members in the room. I missed the people who couldn't come... like my sister, Kendra and Jarrod's mom and my friends Jackie and Kimmy. The cake was so yummy and the snacks were good. I got so much cute stuff it was unbelievable. A few people went in to buy the stroller/car seat which is SUCH a huge relief. Everything was so cool and it was so great to see some people that I hardly ever see.

Have a good day!!!!!!! Caroline

Finding Franky

Things that are on my mind: my brother. I am worried about him. I dreamt about him and it was not good. No one has heard from him in days and he isn't even trying to come home. I know he is into some stuff that is dangerous, but probably lots of fun. I am sure he is just out there having a good time, doing what he wants to do. I have been there... It is just scary because I worry that he will be the one out of a hundred that falls out. Drugs are one thing, but then there is all the people who hate gays. If he flaunts his drama in front of some angry redneck or whoever, there is a good chance of getting beat up. Hopefully his friends he is with now are people who have his back and are just good suport for him for whatever he needs right now. It is just sad without him around. I know it is bothering my mom and dad. I wouldn't know what to do if I was them. He is 18 now... Who knows. I don't.

dreamz

I had a wacky disturbing dream last night. Not one that I want to re-live by writing it, so I am just teasing you here. I just wanted to share that I had a wacky dream. It was actually this morning after Jarrod's alarm went off. Usually after he leaves at about 6:45 or 7 a.m., I go back to bed til 8, 9 or on really pitiful days 10. Today , no, I am staying up cuz that dream was wacked out.

I feel like I have forgotten to blog something lately but I dunno what it is. hmmmmmm

well anyway Donnie came over last night and brought his friend Brandon who happens to be a computer lover. So he made my lil laptop faster and he also got my macintosh switched back over to modem instead of DSL. I really have such a small knowledge of computers man! Anyway so I am excited b/c although my Mac isn't totally ready to go now, I can at least download pics on it now and hopefully send some to anyone interested. Pics of what? I don't know! haha.

Oh ya also this weekend, Jarrod put up a shelf in the baby closet, did I already say that? And he fixed the dryer, well at least temporarily but it made me temporarily happy, haha. Usually it won't work for 2-3 days and this time it wouldn t do crap for two weeks!

My poor poor Scout (kitty) has to get his shots today and get some medicine. He is not going to like me come the end of this day!

Yesterday Anna helped me clean a house which was oh so joyous. Haha. I am really glad I have her to help me, I know I already said that, but seriously. Yesterday she didn't even want paid, she just wanted me to help her do her chores. I won't say it was EASY (physically) but it saved me some $ and made her chores go by fast, plus my mom got a professionally cleaned bathroom haha. :)

Well I am so looking forward to my shower Sunday. I can't wait to see all of you that come! Let's eat cake! :) MMMMMMMMM

sunny sunday

Well, I did it again, I slept in too late to go to church. I do it every week and get mad at myself every time. I totally enjoy going to church, yet I still don't make it part of my regularly scheduled programs. I keep thinking "maybe when the baby comes....." but how the heck could getting another person up and ready make things easier??? NO CLUE!

Yesterday Jarrod put up a shelf and clothes bar in the baby closet. I am so happy! We went to Home Depot to get the junk and like 1 hour later it was DONE. So that is awesome and I am so proud of him for just getting it done instead of putting the stuff in there for another day.

I also talked to a long lost friend (Sherry) yesterday. She got the shower invite and is coming so that is really cool, and I am glad it got us back in touch again after almost a year. She had some sad news, though. Her ex-boyfriend and her baby's daddy, died in February of an overdose. Her kiddo is about 3 1/2 yrs old I guess. Now he has no dad, not that his dad was much of a dad in the first place. She said the hardest part is that it is "permanent". So sad..... Makes me worry about my brother. Sometimes I think he is one of the careless druggies. I believe there are careless, lifelong druggies and more careful, temporary druggies. I have a wacky perspective on most things in life, but I truly believe this one. I just really hope that I am wrong about Franky.

So today I guess we might go to the horse races. Tonight my parents and Anna get back from Kanasas City and I will get to see some pictures of Gold! YIPPEE> I haven't seen pics of him in almost a year. So that will be cool, and thank God Anna is back cuz I totally need her help cleaning houses and I might have FOUR this week! YIKES.

Have a great day!!!!!!

YIPPEEE

The last couple days I have been sort of bummed out because I found out Kendra and Jarrod's mom can't come to the baby shower. Cindy also told me only a couple people have RSVP'd, so I have just been sad, because I want everyone to be there and I want to tell all of them how much they mean to me. So Nikki, my dear friend from Kansas City since I was like 12 years old called me yesterday and said she is renting a car to drive out here for the shower! So that makes me really happy. It will be fun to have a girl-friend here for a couple days anyway, cuz I never have anyone (of my friends) over here.

Well last night I worked on clearing out the baby room a lot. I still have some more to do and I made a list of everything that I need to do still. I will feel so much better once that room is done. I guess that is part of "nesting" because it is not direly important, but it FEELS important. I just don't have energy lately to work in there more than an hour. And unfortunately I can't finish the sewing projects w/ out my mom (crib bumper, glider cover and curtains) and she is out of town. Sniff sniff.

Well have a good Saturday!!!!!!! Caroline

Laundr-o-mat and baby stories

Yesterday I had the dreaded task of going to the laundrymat, how ever you spell that. There is one real close to my house so it is not that big of a deal to drive there, but I live in a very hispanic neighborhood and area, so the dryers are always taken up and everyone around me is speaking a language I don't know. One thing I always realize when I go, though, is that hispanic people seem to be the happiest people. They usually have 50 kids running around and yet the women are just talking and laughing away while they do 10 loads of laundry, in a super hot room. Yesterday was no different. I got lucky because there was only one other lady there, so I got to split all my stuff between almost all the dryers and it went by pretty fast. She was so nice, though. I bet she was 80 years old or more, and she was trying to speak english to me, which made me feel like crap for not knowing any espaniol. She gave me her cart and I was thinking how some people can be really rude to big huge pregnant ladies and some people who deserve to be pampered (older ppl) try to take care of huge pregnant ladies. Anyway it was sweet of her to give up her cart, cuz it really does kill my back to carry a basket of wet clothes from my car into the laundrymat. I have a dryer at my house, you see. It is just MOODY! I don't know if it is the electrical wiring in this house or my dryer. I really NEED to check into it more, but do I ever? NO, I just go to the laundrymat when it quits working for a week, or in this case, two weeks. Anyway I guess I better do something about it SOON, since I can't let baby clothes go as long as I can let me and Jarrod's clothes go, haha.

oh as for my title, about baby stories, I am such a junkie for shows on baby stories, like when they are born, how the pregnancy goes, etc etc. I am not a TV person, but I do watch about an hour a day now catching up on all the possibilities of what could go wrong, trying to judge how painful it is goign to be to give birth naturally. Trying to decide if I should have an epidural or be brave super woman.

Ok well enough boring you for today, adios for now!

hap_eeeeeeeeee and thankful

I am happy today b/c I went to the doctor and he said everything is going GREAT, and baby has turned head down. That makes me really happy. I am so thankful that everything is going smoothly. My blood pressure is great, no excessive swelling (just chubbiness haha) and the baby is active and her heart rate is speeding along. I know there is a chance she could turn back around but I am happy knowing she is head down for now.

Well I was supposed to clean a house today but she doesn't want me to come until NEXT monday, darnet. Oh well. It's just money. And Evelyn isn't back in town, either, so it looks like I am off work til Friday. Next week cleaning will probably pick back up. Lucky for me Anna is willing to help me! We can rock through a house, I tell ya!

This past wknd we had so much fun. We went to Galveston, which Anna had not been there before, and the weather was awesome. It felt SO good floating around in the ocean! She learned to boogie board. We stayed at the Flagship hotel which is built right over the water. The view was AWESOME but the hotel was raunchy. I didn't care, I was there for a good shower and the ocean! :)

Thanks for reading! LOVE YA!

the point IS

The point of this journal IS that I type little bits o' my life so if I forget to tell ppl certain things they can just read them on my journal. That way I don't have to tell 10 ppl the same thing in 10 separate emails. It is a time saver, okay! :)

So la de da today I drove my dadeo to the airport and then I got to borrow his convertable, which I had the top down of course. It is such a smoooooth riding car and the weather was so awesome this morning it felt great! Then I went and cleaned a house which was very tiring. I am glad I didn't work out this morning, too, or I would REALLY be sore right now. Tonight I am picking up Anna again, so I will have her to help me clean tomorrow. YEA! Last night I babysat my neices (sp?), Casey's kids who live w/ Jarrod's parents. We watched some cartoons w/ Jarrod for a little bit and played Crazy 8's then we went and got snowcones at my favorite snowcone stand in the Kroger parking lot. Tina (5 yr old) talking the snowcone guy's head off the whole 30 min we were there. It was cute that he was actually listening to her and he is so nice. It is obvious he likes snowcone bizness cuz of the kids. Then we wanted to kill some more time before coming back home cuz Jarrod was watching BASEBALL and my house is not so fun for kids, so we went to Kroger and looked at all the grocery toys and the hula hoops and bounced basketballs. We only spent $1 there and that was on the little merry go round ride things out front. I can't believe grocery stores still have those things! haha. So that killed another 40 minutes then we went back to my house for coloring picture time and they decided they wanted to take showers at MY House cuz I have good smelling soap. That made me feel good and I figured I was helping out Jarrod's mom by washing their hair and all that junk. There is no vent in our bathroom tho, so it was SO hot in there by the time we were done. Jarrod told me I was doing a good job practicing being a mommy. Hmmmm, am I ready for this, REALLY???

Well that is all for now. Tonight I get Anna, tomorrow I clean and hopefully go swimming at Cindy's, Saturday, pool party or the horse races, and Sunday and Monday we will be in Galveston! WOO HOO! Thanks for reading my blog, leave a note saying HI!

CAROLINE