mental block

I dunno why but I have not felt like I had anything very interesting to say lately. I have felt kind of on pause for a few days, well maybe even a week now....... My brutha is home now which makes me happy but still worried. I have had a hap hap happy weekend w/ my huzband and enjoy Kendra being here, I wish she could be here ALL the time though. I think I will start praying she decides to go to the skewl in Austin... I spent most of today being frustrated w/ my internet economics class. But Jarrod went over to my parents w/ me tonight (to try to get their computer to work for my class, to no prevail) and I love it when he goes over there w/ me. My thought for today: I can feel happy and content w/ my life and myself, yet I bet a lot of people look at me or my life and think there are so many things I should fix. If so, feel free to leave an annonymous comment about something that bugs you about me. I know that sounds wacky, but how am I supposed to know what I do that hinders others if no one tells me? :) Love u all.......CAROLINEY

yea

Thanksgiving is good. I enjoyed seeing so much of my family today. It sucks that franky is not home, though, but we all had fun together and I got to talk to him on the phone a while tonight. He is pretty honest w/ me I think, which is cool. i really struggle with giving good advice and saying the right things. Sometimes I think "having been there" is not always the greatest thing. I think of how I felt then and I think there is nothing anyone could say to me. That gives me writers block and speaking block. It makes me internalize madness and feel quite helpless and yet responsible. Wierd... It was cool to spend the day w/ my husband and my family today. My two favorite things in the world. I feel like no one really gets to see how wonderful he is in my eyes. But then again, I am partial, so ya know... Well happy turkey day to all, and I hope u all had good holidays full of yummy foods and fulfilling conversations.

asdf;lijioje,mbl;kudsoiur

I did not apply at UNT.
I did clean a house for almost six hours.
My brother is in a psychiatric hospital.
I am confused and tired of thinking.

Caroline

Friday.........

Yea, it is friday. Today I have a house to clean, and if all goes well, I am going to apply at UNT. YIKES!!!!!!!!! I am so nervous. ISn't that retarted?

Tonight we are leaving for VERNON, TX w/ George and Cassie. Ugh..... I am not looking forward to it. It is cowdunk town which sounds superbly boring. I guess I will take a book. I am reading "Tuesdays w/ Morrie" and "Atkins Vita nutrient solution" and "the fitness instinct". I think I will take Morrie.

Hum de dum, well last night we went to din din w/ anna, mom and frank at Chili's. Who ever put a chili's over by my parents house in FM were supa smart cuz that place was packed and u know they are rakin in the dough. It was fun to go to dinner, then we rushed home to watch Friends and went to bed kinda early. exciting eh?

My cardio class yesterday morning was HELLISH. I can't believe I even made it through it. I think it was pure anger and pride that made me last an entire hour in that thing. URGH.

Well I am off to clean a house today... Yippeee! Money!!!!!!!!!! I just figured out my bills and I don't think I can afford any Christmas presents this year. Especially if I have to scrape up money to fix what my "Friend" ripped off. That is depressing. I love love love giving Christmas presents. Luckily for Kendra she is the only one whose presents I already have....... Speaking of presents. If anyone has a friend or family member who lives around here that they want to give a gift certificate for a clean house to, let me know! As a woman, I can say that would be a KILLER gift to get!

LOVE You all..........xoxo

nuthin like sleepin in!

I slept in til almost 8 am today! That is nice after usually getting up at 6:30.

I went to a kickboxing class last night to get out some anger I have at one of my friends right now. That is part of why I woke up yesterday with thoughts about trusting God.... I just can't believe a long time friend might screw me out of $240 when she knows I have NO money and when I do have money it is hard earned.... So I am just hoping this is all a big misunderstanding. But if not, I do trust that everything will work out. I might be minus a friend, but it wouldn't be the first time. I know things will work out, I just need to focus on what God has planned for me instead of my evil thoughts.

As for Eminem, well I still have it in my head today, so maybe I should just listen to it and get it out of my system!

Anyway that kickboxing class was awesome! It was an hour and I wanted to keep going for another hour.. So today I am going to some other class that is hopefully similar.

So I guess that is it....... Today I was going to apply at UNT but I think I will wait til tomorrow...
love, Mrs. Procrastination

early thoughts

I woke up with Eminem lyrics running through my head...... and it has probably been weeks since I listened to Eminem. I woke up with thoughts of trusting God completely. That is my challenge...

howdy

Yesterday was cool........ we went to Jarrod's grandparents house for dinner and a movie. It was a yummy homecooked meal, which Jarrod fiends for haha. It was a groovacious night, we had lots of continuous and lively conversation. His grandparents are really loving people and really IN LOVE, which is cute. We watched Whale Rider which was slow at first but turned out to be a really good movie...... There was a guy in the movie who reminded me of my friend Richard who died a couple years ago. The movie made me sad in a way watching this guy who looked just like my friend. But my friend died when he was like 21 by overdosing on pills and alcohol. He was a really fun and lovable person. It makes me sad.......

Sunday Stuff

Howdy ! it is EARLY monday, what could be more sleepy than that??? Yesterday I had fun shopping w/ Franky, Anna and Mamacita. We went to grapevine mills and I finally got this pink fuzzy hat I have been wanting forever. Oh ya Sat. night I went to see Jeepers Creepers 2 (which was actually scary) at the Dollar movie w/ Cassie. Cassie is Jarrods friends daughter who comes over here all the time. She is 13. We always get bored of just sitting here playing on the computer while Jarrod and her dad play video games or what ever. So we went to that movie sat. night and sunday night we went to see The Boss' Daughter, which was funny! It got really crappy ratings, but it was funny. Ashton kutcher can play a good dingy guy. NE Way so I was happy yesterday cuz I got up early and went to 9 am church (ok, i was ten minutes late) and got to see my grandma and Tom, and Tom is doing pretty good at least he seemed like it and said he was. He is going through Chemo but hasn't lost his hair yet. He is my perfect picture of "grandpa" even tho he is my step grampa. So today I am going to work out then do lots of homework. Sometime this week I have to I MEAN HAVE TO apply at UNT, I have been putting it off so long, I hope I can still get in and get classes.......I have to finish college. I just wish I would have done it by the time I was 22 or something so I could pursue my 24 yr old interests NOW. oh well, no regrets. Happy Monday everybody
XXO CT

sat.

last night i stayed up til 4 am watching movies. i watched "SPUN" and "UNFAITHFUL" which were both good movies. They are about bad things, but are attention grabbing movies that keep u interested til the end.

not awake yet

its like 6:45 and I am not quite awoken. I have found that I wake up faster by emailing people first thing in the morning than when I was trying to make breakfast or just sit on the couch and wait for wakey wakey to "happen". The housecleaning w/ Julie went great. We realized that we charged the chick too little $, but we worked our hardest, anyway, and it paid off cuz she wants us to come back every two weeks!!!! WOO HOO! It is a beautiful place she lives in. The houses are HUGE and all unique looking. She has a town house which doesn't look huge until you go in (and clean it haha). So, four days after Julie and I talked about joining up on the housecleaning thang, we have one steady job already! The other ones I was already doing, I am going to keep doing by myself. At least for now. NE way that is about all that is crappinin. Jarrod and I watched a trippy movie last night called AFFLICTION. Eery alchoholic/violent dad movie. Oh ya, the other night we watched "Ghost Ship" and if you haven't seen that one, it is SO SCARY!!!!!!!!!! Well I am off to exercise, and clean two houses....... woo hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!

XOXO CAROLINE

push button publishing

Those of you who I do not email pictures to, does anyone want some PICTURES??????? I am having fun w/ my digital camera! :) Well last night was groovacious. Jarrod took me to Red Lobster for dinner. We were driving around the mall and he was like where do u want to go and I said Red Lobster, and there we were!!!!!!!! So we split the steak/lobster meal and he barely ate so i chowed down on some super yummmmmmmmy food for the second time yesterday! :) Then we went to look at the mall for him some new pants. He hates to shop, I guess most men do. It is amusing how the salesmen in a mens store are so much different than in a womens store. They understand that most guys don't want "help" finding the size etc. so they sorda just let u know they are there to help then they back off. NE WAY then we went and watched "RADIO" in the mall movie theater, which was a very good movie. It is a tear jerker in a few places just to warn you, but I was scared to death that the mentally challenged character (Cuba GOoding JR) was going to die, but he doesn't. So that is all I will tell u about the movie. Have a great day...... I got a new cleaning job, but it is probably just a one time thing, in Oak Lawn. Julie is going w/ me today for the first time. I hope I didn't bid the job too low, and I hope that Julie and I work good together......... I HOPE I HOPE

hip hip hooray!

I am happppppppy. (yes, I might have that rollercoaster emotional disorder)

Today I cleaned for Evelyn and I was just bummin cuz she was gone at an appointment and I just keep getting so tired lately and it is annoying and I don't know why I am so tired! I sleep plenty! So anyway then she came back and took me to Macaroni Grill for lunch YUMMMMM ( I had chicken marsala w/ no pasta) and we just had the BEST time. She is so awesome to be around. I just feel like smiling ear to ear when I am around her. I can't put a pinpoint on what it is, but I just like her darnet. So that was really cool... Now I am at the school getting some videos for my humanities telecourse. I am almost done w/ it! Hooray! And now I have to go up to Vertis (my old workplace) and return this lady's key whose house I used to clean before her kid got braces and she couldn't pay me anymore. I am nervous about seeing my old work peeps, I always feel kind of wierd around them, but I guess I will go anyway and just deal w/ what ever I feel and think and try to be realistic about what they are REALLY thinking or whatever. Ugh... anyway!!! I had a lot of fun hanging at my parents yesterday. And Anna took ME out for Starbucks! Is that lucky or WHAT. :) Have a great night everybody XOXO

whatever

i am feeling pulled between two parts of my life right now. trying to figure out difference between right and wrong and loyalty. ugh..... sucky sucky i am trying to have hope, actually i do have hope, i am just pulled, like i said between honesty and loyalty, oh wait i worded it different this time. ugh..... anyway.

Hope everyone is oky doky... More people need blogs!!!! If I do not read and write to your blog, please send me a link!

I miss my extended family. I have not talked to Lynne forever. I hope they are all doing okay, maybe I will call them tonight... Jarrod is off work today and was supposed to go to Shreveport w/ his dadeo but that didn't work out so they are out running around. I have been at my mom's all day, we were supposed to scrapbook but it hasn't worked out so far...

Today I am wearing a black shirt w/ blue glitter letters that say NEW YORK. It is a very cute shirt but the glitter is ALL OVER ME!!!!!!! YIKES! ATTAK OF DA GLITTAH!!!!!!!!

Oh my gosh it is TUESDAY i just realized i skipped a day of blogging. HOW COULD I!!!!

honestly speaking...

I worry about a couple ppl i know who are self destructive. I know worry is a waste of time, but I can not help but be sad for them. I just wish I could fix it all for them. I do not know what the right thing is for them, what can make them happier, or find what they need in life... sigh... I am sure I am making no sense here.

Anyway! we had fun visiting KC in jail. It wasn't such a bad drive, and we always laugh the whole two hours we are in the visiting section w/ him. So that is all cool. My brother stayed the night at my house last night......That was supa fun and cool to have him around. Today I helped him do his chores and gave him a ride to Denton. I hung out at my parents house pretty much all day today, which was cool. That is all that is going on... More tomorrow. Love Caroline

supporting Planned Parenthood

I know this can be a controversial subject, so why not blog it! I am a supporter of the Planned Parenthood. I have gone to a few different doctors in my day, but never have I found one (which is actually a midwife nurse or something) that is so concerned with my wellbeing and health and education as the one I have been going to at Planned Parenthood in lewisville. I am superbly impressed by their persistance in asking tons of questions about everything, and sitting down when you are in the room with them. They have all the time in the world for you, as no other doctor I have ever been to has! Ok that is all I have to say about that.

So happy Friday everybody! Thank you to the loyal readers of my blog. i appreciate GREATLY your interest in my writing and my life. It makes me feel loved~!

Last night we went to our God daughter's 2nd bday party. It was fun. We watched Finding Nemo, which is a super cute movie if you haven't seen it. Her parents are splitting up, which makes me kind of sad in some ways, but I also understand it. i just think divorce is sad, period.

Jarrod and I have had a great week~! Tonight he fixed my computer! I am so happy!!!!! I was using this tiny laptop which had a full hardrive and couldn't have any new stuff installed on it cuz it was made for windows 98. So I am happy to use this regular one. I mean, really happy!!!!! Now I can download my pictures off my digital camera and hopefully get a printer eventually. I have two broken printers....... Does anyone know about printers????? :)

Well have a great night, and great weekend....... I think we are going to visit Casey in jail tomorrow, which is a 2 1/2 hour drive so that will probably be our entire Saturday. Woo hoo.

LOVE YA!!!!

Still lovin it

Yes, I still love my life. Isn't that wacked! Last night Jarrod and I went to Chili's for dinner and that was very coolio. I had boneless buffalo wings (which there are more waiting at home fore me, mmm) and he had fajita nachos, his favorite!!! We went to the dollar movie after that, and OH JOY, it is only 50 cents on Tuesdays! So we saw S.W.A.T. which was a good movie. It has cutey pie Collin Farrell and that mean hispanic chick off of Blue Crush, does anyone know her NAME??? It was a good movie, for a BOY FLICK! We had a great night, we came home and watched more of Elton John singing. Today I cleaned for Evelyn and then she took me to lunch at Joe's Crab Shack. It was a yummy lunch. It was cool to hang out w/ her and talk to her again, too, it feels like forever. So she told me she wants me to come once a week for four hrs to clean, and that she will pass my name around for some more bizness. Hopefully this weekend I will have some time to put out flyers, too. If only more people knew how AWESOME I can clean a house!!!! haha. But its true! Anyway so I am at the school now, I just got done watching two videos for my Humanities Telecourse. The videos were made in 1976, yet they STILL consider them educational! Crazy, but whatever! I took a 30 minute nap in my car before coming inside the school. I don't know why I am so tired all the time! I just always get like TOTALLY spaced out sleepy in the afternoons. I try to eat pretty healthy, I guess I could do better. I have been getting enough sleep, well 7 hours anyway. I exercise at least 3 X a week for over an hour... What is the problem here??? So when i woke up from my car-seat nap, it was pouring rain outside. Thank heavens that Jarrod's gma gave me an umbrella a while back and it was still in my trunk. Of course I caught a glimpse of myself in the window of the school and I looked pretty gooberish with my light pink sweatshirt on and a pink/yellow/green striped umbrella that said Oscar De La Renta. Oh well, who cares what I look like anyway right! Well, I am headed home now. Have a good night everybody and thanks for reading!!! LOVE CAROLINE

Elton John

Does everyone know just how amazing Elton John's musical ability is? MY GOSH! Jarrod and I watched this concert of him in madison square garden (on DVD) last night, doing all his greatest hits, and it was just amazing music. I was mesmorized song after song at his beautiful voice and piano playing. MMMM Good stuff!!!!!!! Jarrod and I had a great night last night, we had dinner at Jason's deli and went and looked around 1/2 price books for a while. That is where we got the Elton John DVD for $7.00!!! Those who are around us know this is not our usual weekday night, and it was so cool... Today is bible study, homework homework homework and test taking. Yippee! Have a great day everybody!

"rubbin it in"

Kendra, don't worry, when you come visit I will make sure dad e o makes you steak at least twice, and maybe we can go have a beer with Brent! :) hee hee

Well today is my catch up with school day. I hate these days...... but I feel much better once I am caught up in school. Taking telecourses is a beautiful thing if you are severely self disciplined. (ie: not me)

So I am off to exercise, get cat litter at wally world and mail things at the post office, then I will do my homework. You see my priorities here!

Update: I never did go get a pedicure the other day, and we didn't go to the hockey game last night.

Love ya! Caroline

sunday sunday sunday

Howdy loyal readers!!!!!!!! Thanks to all who read and comment and to those who read...... :) love ya'll!

Today was a good day, I went to church and it was a very good "sermon", made me think a lot, a nice lady sat next to me which made it not feel like I was at church alone. It was good. Then Jarrod and I went to my parents house for lunch which was yummy as always. STEAK! Then my grandma came over which was cool and her, my mom and I and Anna moved anna's old bed into the guest room and gave the old twin bed to Jarrod's parents for his neice who is about to turn 5. And we got the futon out of my guest room and moved it over to my parents house, so now I can have a big desk in this room and hopefully hook up my GOOD computer! YEA! Then Jarrod and I had Arby's for dinner and my uncle Spencer called tonight and it was SOOO awesome to talk to him, it just totally gave me hope again. I have had really wierd mood swings all day today cuz I think not smoking more than a couple drags a day is making me super moody, plus some medicine stuff, but anyway. It was soo good to hear that my uncle is doing good and that he and his wife are growing and all that awesome stuff, I am just so glad they are happy. My uncle used to live here in TX and would hang out w/ me and Jarrod a lot. So that is it for today, tonight the Sopranos comes on, my favorite show! I talked to Evelyn tonight and she only wants me to work ONE 1/2 day this week, so I gotta get some flyers made up and start putting them out again and get some bizness comin in. Well hope to hear from u soon!!!!!

day after halloweenie

Oh happy day! I got to talk to Kendra for like an hour today and then I got a long letter from my brother in law, Casey who is in jail. And it is not even 3 pm yet, there are still possibly good things to happen!

Last night was ok, not too shabby, nuttin much to brag about. The best part was meeting Cindy and Tom at BJ's for happy hour. :) They have a beer called HEFF which is good with lemons in it, and it also tatses better after you drink a couple. :) hee hee

Today I think I might go blow $20 and get my toenails done all purdy. Or I could try myself...... hmmm... I dunno. Jarrod is still sleepin but I have a feeling he might want to get up soon so the day is not completely gone. I got up at 12:30 and I am still in my robe. I need to clean my house up a lil from our guests last night and take a shower... like before it gets dark outside haha.

Well don't know what the rest of the day will bring, but hopefully tomorrow morning i can go to church and work out and then we are going to the Stars hockey game at 6 pm. We might even ride a train to get there! That would be COOL!

Love ya, Happy Saturday!!!!!!! CAROLINE