happy birthday mahna!!!!!!!!

The first pic was the last of the day and she had just HAD ENOUGH! :) Also her playing with the monkey auntie anna got her, playing by the pool and at the bottom, picking out a bday present at toys are us with daddy. He was determined to do this and after over an hour of debating and trying to figure out what she liked, she actually got something that she has not stopped playing with!

Today is Mahna's ACTUAL first birthday. It is amazing to me that a year has gone by... I have more to say but my little one year old is demanding my assistance!!!

birthday party pictures!!!!!

I don't know why I can't get the pictures to be straight up and down instead of sideways!!! Well here are some pics from Mahna's first bday party. We had a little luau as you can see and she had a hula barbie cake which me my mom and anna made. It was so fun. She really stayed in a great mood the whole time and actually played with every present she got. Jarrod helped her open them all and put them all together. I have tons more pictures, but can only put five at a time on. So check back soon for more!!! My baby is growing up so fast!!!!

call it a mood swing

Here is a pic of me and Mahna at the lake... I wanted it on the post the other day but I had too many pictures already. That was just two weeks ago and she already seems older to me. She is at such a fun age right now, though. But I am thinking, considering Baby # Two. I know everyone says this, but I want them to be close in age, like Kendra and I are and be able to be playmates. Then I go back to the downside, of can two kids that close in age get enough ONE ON ONE attention??? So many choices... So much to think about. Mahna is sitting across the table from me right now singing "mama mama mama" and eating green beans and pasta. She has another ear infection, or more like the other one just didn't completely heal. She is good at taking her medicine, though. Thank goodness they make it TASTY.

Now for my mood swing:
I am sad because someone I know is dying soon, My uncle Kenn and he is going to leave my aunt becky very sad and very alone.

I am angry and hurt because someone I trust lied to me just yesterday and I don't even know if he realized what he did...And I am not sure I can bring it up without it turning into TOO big of a deal.

I am depressed when I think of the world being such a place of pleasure chasers.

I am scared and lonely when I feel like I am just a big loser and there will always be someone THROWING MY PAST IN MY FACE, therefor I am stupid to think that I can move on from it and be something bigger. In all actuality everyone still sees that I was who I was and always will be.

What is it that I WANT anyway??? I don't know. I expect too much and wear rose colored goggles and pity party more than necessary.

pictures from recent days

the beach we "discovered" in Galveston. It is officially OURS now haha

My lovely sistahs!

My grandma's foster kittens. Anyone want one???
Mahna as a LAKE BABY!!! (Lewisville Lake)

thoughts on voyeurs

I have no idea if I spellt that write. haha. I have heard thru the grapevine that there are a few people who read my blog who don't comment. I knew it was true but it is always GREAT to hear that anyone is reading my blog! So spy on me all you want. Obviously if I am spilling my guts on the internet I am not being too secretive. Haha. Some days are more honest than others.

One time when I was maybe 11 or 12 I remember looking in my aunt/uncle's freezer for a snack and there was a ceramic container so I opened it and there was like a whole bunch of MONEY in it. I kind of wanted to take some, but I have always had a conscience. I thought that was pretty sneaky to hide it in the freezer tho. Who would ever look there? (unless they needed a snack)

I went "garage saling" w/ my momma and mahna today. Twas fun! We got Mahna tons of clothes and toys and books and movies. More than any one child ever really needs. Maybe I should have five more just to even out all the STUFF she owns. My parents are both very generous and doting on their granddaughter.

Jarrod came swimming w/ me and Mahna at my mom's house for his 2 1/2 hour lunch break. He has an awesome new route. It has really been fun to have him around during the afternoons (when I am not cleaning someone elses house). He and I were having competition swimming to the diving toys in the pool. He is much faster than me but I don't give up. And I figure one of these days his smoking will catch up with him and I will be the WINNER!!! My biggest drawback is that I never learned to hold my breath under water, so I am in a constant state of almost drowning, while playing in the deep end.

Off to Galveston tomorrow!! JOY JOY!

no time?

I don't know why but when I sit down to blog it seems like it will take SO long, but if I JUST sat down to blog instead of reading emails and looking at my bank account it would probably take the same amount of time. I think of things to write in my blog all day long sometimes, but they are gone from my memory by the time I sit here.

Jarrod and I went to a hispanic church on Sunday. It was very interesting to say the least. I know that to say "it was interesting" is a very WHITE thing to say. Those people were so LOOSE and free and worshippy. They all take their kids in the service. They all hug and kiss and talk talk talk. Why are white people so stiff? Can I change my family background or must I just find a way to be proud of it? By this I do not mean my "personal family" just being white. ahha. At one point during the TWO hour service (because of baptism) I took Mahna out to change her diaper and give her a snack. At least three people came by in the lobby while we were just sitting there playing, and kissed her! I just love how family oriented and tight these people were. I wish I could go back every week but.......... it is almost an hour away. Maybe I will find another hispanic church closer to home. I figure it is about time to "find" a church I want to stick with since Mahna is almost one year old. I would like for her to go to Sunday school and meet other kiddos and learn bible verses, and the other things that were my foundation as a child. Jarrod doesn't want me to "force' her to go to church when she is a teenager, but heck I don't force him... not like I can force him to do anything. We will see when the time comes. I freely admit that my biggest fault is not having "stick-to-it-iveness". I only stuck with weight watchers 4 months, for instance..... But anyday now I will get back on the bandwagon. And any day now I will make up my mind to go to church every Sunday. Although I do talk to God all the time, so at least I am n ot that far off the map, that is until I go to church and feel like a stranger in a new school.

I am almost done with Memoirs of a Geisha. What an amazing story. If you ever wanted to know what a Geisha girl really is, well it tells you down to the last detail. They are not prostitutes by the way! I think I might dress as one for Halloween. I don't know what I am dressing Mahna as yet. She doesn't really CARE yet so I guess it is still up to me. Last year I was the pumpkin fairy and she was a pumpkin. Someone else came up with that idea and I thought it was purdy cute!

Well Jarrod should be home soon, so I should shower. I cleaned for 6 hours today (at someone else's house) and then went swimming at my mom's house. Mahna is napping. I just ate a piece of leftover frozen pizza. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. No good mail came today. Sniff Sniff. I need more pen pals. So this weekend we are going to Galveston and Mahna will be in the hands of my mom and grandma.... I am nervous to leave her for two days and overnight! I knwo they are very capable but it is still a frightening WHAT IF feeling. Next weekend we celebrate her first birthday!!! The weekend after we are going to Austin and San Antonio to visit Kendra for her big 24th bday and then Jana and her family. Yippee! Plans!

p.s . Mahna's newest word is "OUT" she wants to get OUT of everything even if she really means IN. She is just so proud to be saying a word so clearly!

poor babykins

Poor Mahna. She got another fever last night after I blogged... and was up and down all night. The highest one was 202.6. That freaked me out but the "book" said it is normal and okay. So I gave her tylenol rock rock rock and hold her poor little hot body crying and throwing herself around because she is SO tired... Jarrod slept on the couch so he could get some sleep to get up for work. I think he slept better than he has in a while, so I probably really should work on getting her into her crib and out of our bed. I just keep thinking "one more night.....". Anyway. I took her to the DR and she has a double ear infection and a little cold. So she is sleeping now then we will make our trek to Wally world for her medicine.

I am on ch. 9 of Memoirs of a Geisha. The main character is about 12 yrs old now and has been a maid in the okiya for over two years. She just got word that her parents are both dead now and has started making steps toward a better life for herself instead of slavery as a maid. She met a Geisha who told her about reading her "charts" which I guess is like astrology, so she can know when to do certain things like it tells you if today would be a good day to move, date, etc. I also finally figured out that the book takes place in Gion in 1929. I had been wondering what year it was supposed to be about.

Jarrod and Casey both have jet ski's now. Casey bought one yesterday. They also both have long lunch breaks during the day. Casey has been coming home from noon to four then going back to work til 8 but now Jarrod changed routes so he is home from about 12:30 til 3 and then back to work until 7pm. They both leave around 9 in the mornings...

More pictures soon, I have to go READ now since Mahna is still sleeping....

just life

Life is just going along....... so fast. Mahna is almost a year old and it makes me want to cry. Her life and mine together are going to fly by and I just love her so much and try to treasure every moment, but sometimes I look back at her newborn pictures and think can't I just have a few minutes of that back to REALLY glue it into my memory? I have always had such a bad memory(ASK NIKKI OR KIMMY) and well I just am thankful to have a camera and video camera to save as much of the memories as I can.

I have tried to blog about three days in a row now with no luck....... baby keepin me hoppin. She woke up w/ a runny nose and fever today. First fever ever. It sort of freaked me out. But I read in "what to expect the first year" (at 6 a.m. I might add) that most fevers are no big deal and can be reduced easily with tylenol and cool air. So I took off her pj's, gave her a popsicle in front of the a/c and a little tylenol. It was gone in 30 minutes. whew! I just always hear about people taking their kids to the e.r. when they have fevers, so I didn't know if that is what I was supposed to do....

I am very engrossed in a book right now. I am on chapter 6 I think...... It is called "Memoirs of a Geisha". I can't explain how intrigueing this book is but I don't see how it wouldn't catch anyones attention if they gave it about 20 minutes.

Okay Mahna is crying for me......more later.

more pictures!

First picture is our kitty SCOUT as a "nun". He didn't like it much.

then close up of Mahna, Mahna in my parents pool, Mahna "talking" on my cell phone (SO CUTE!!!!!) and the jet ski we might possibly buy! I hope it runs and all that jazz, that would be so fun to get up on saturday and go to the lake! It is a 1988. 17 years old........

Thanks for peekin! I promise to write more soon.