call it a mood swing

Here is a pic of me and Mahna at the lake... I wanted it on the post the other day but I had too many pictures already. That was just two weeks ago and she already seems older to me. She is at such a fun age right now, though. But I am thinking, considering Baby # Two. I know everyone says this, but I want them to be close in age, like Kendra and I are and be able to be playmates. Then I go back to the downside, of can two kids that close in age get enough ONE ON ONE attention??? So many choices... So much to think about. Mahna is sitting across the table from me right now singing "mama mama mama" and eating green beans and pasta. She has another ear infection, or more like the other one just didn't completely heal. She is good at taking her medicine, though. Thank goodness they make it TASTY.

Now for my mood swing:
I am sad because someone I know is dying soon, My uncle Kenn and he is going to leave my aunt becky very sad and very alone.

I am angry and hurt because someone I trust lied to me just yesterday and I don't even know if he realized what he did...And I am not sure I can bring it up without it turning into TOO big of a deal.

I am depressed when I think of the world being such a place of pleasure chasers.

I am scared and lonely when I feel like I am just a big loser and there will always be someone THROWING MY PAST IN MY FACE, therefor I am stupid to think that I can move on from it and be something bigger. In all actuality everyone still sees that I was who I was and always will be.

What is it that I WANT anyway??? I don't know. I expect too much and wear rose colored goggles and pity party more than necessary.