oh happy day

It has been a good weekend! Yesterday Jarrod and I got our income tax money so I got a vacuum (yes I am an obsessive cleaning lady) and he got a lawn mower (now he is a real man!). It was fun shopping for these things even though I can't believe we were excited about a lawn mower and vacuum. Even after being married almost 4 years we still feel like we are playing house sometimes. I kind of hope it always stays this way. Like we go through 2 weeks of eating at the table for dinner every night... then get bored of it and go back to the couch in front of the TV. But while the table lasts I feel so domestic and wifely, like I am doing what I always wanted to. Am I a total retardo? Tonight at my parent's house I sort of came to an understanding with myself, too. I realized that I am not a total loser for not having a college degree yet. It is okay that I am not just like Kendra, as driven and determined, and decisive... I just have different things I am doing and it does not make me less in my parents eyes, and I should not feel jealous of her or feel embarrassed of what I have not yet accomplished. I still have life left, right. Okay well anyway!

Today Jarrod and I got up at 9:30 and went grocery shopping (another play house thing) and then watched TV for a little while and had our neighbor over and his daughter who just turned 18 today and we played Jeapordy (sp?) on the playstation. It was kinda fun. I gave her one of my old hemp necklaces and a raver bracelet and a cupcake and she thought it was like the best present ever. That made me feel good for her that she had a happy piece of day. Later I went to church w/ Ma, and then we went to Ross and she got me some pregnancy pants. They are actually pretty cute, even on a super-chubbo like myself.

OH speaking of chubbbbbbbbo, I found out I can't go on the Atkins diet when I am breastfeeding! AND I can't drink beer! What the heck am I going to do! Ugh.

Well happy week to all of you, hope you can comment for me to make my day happy. I will try to keep up with the blog better. ADIOS!

sumthing pozitive

okay i feel better, hopefully the blues will stay at bay for a while, now that I had one super crappy day. Life is not so bad, really. I am just uncomfortable in my own skin, and I have a hard time dealing with that. All day Tuesday i was praying for something positive to come in my mind, because I literally had only depressing thoughts streaming through. I know that may seem ridiculous to some logical folks. I have so much to be thankful for, I know. But finally that afternoon I realized I had one major thing to be thankful for. I got really lucky with the man that I married. (AWWWWWWWW) He is really sweet to me and gives me constant constant attention, which I am a big craver of. I just have my moments where I am so happy and feel so blessed that I got HIM instead of some of the other alternatives. I think the best part and the SAVING GRACE part of our life together was him choosing me, not the other way around. If I would have picked, I would have picked THE WRONG GUY.

ANywaysssssssss today was a great day. I went to school, and had a fine day, and then went to my parent's house where I hung out w/ anna and franky a while then me and Anna went to sTARBUCKS and sat outside in the lovely sunshine. Then we went to Cindy's to feed her kitties and we played w/ them in her backyard for about an hour and laid in her hammock in the sun..... aaah. THEN we went to Anna's old school and swung on the swings and she showed me her tricks on the monkey bars. It was fun.

Hope everyone is oky doky. Love ya Caroline

hate this

I hate this day, I hate this day, I am so mad and grumpy and want to cry and scream and I hate everyone I come in contact with today, well not really everyone, but it all is making me mad and irritated and depressed and I hate this feeling.

almost a week

I remembered sort of subtly but slowly that I had shot a cop, on accident, and stole a bunch of money. I still had his keys, which my grandpa advised me to put somewhere that he would find them because nothing is more of a pain than losing a whole set of keys. All I could think of were fingerprints. Then I found the money order for $1000 made out to Deborah someone in my wallet. Boy do I wish I could change that money order to be made out to me, because I am BROKE now. And I need to leave NOW. The money order, I remember is for a donation place of some kind. At the time I stole all that money, I thought I should donate some of it, so as to ease my conscience. But it was so soon after it happened that i never gave her the money order. I want to now, seeing as it is useless to me. I always use sharpies to fill out my money orders, since there is that stuff to take regular ink off them if someone stole it. I can't believe I shot someone. That is too freaky. And his son was there, too. He was older, but still... Now me and this girl have to run and I don't know where we are going to go, but I have to pack up some stuff fast. I put some of my memories in a backpack. I grab two coin purses out of the trunk of my car. I look at all the other misc. stuff back there and think about how later on someone will be going through all this stuff........ I jump in the back of the van with The Girl and we start to leave. I tell her I didn't pack any clothes, we are starting brand new. But in the back of my mind I know that was pretty dumb not to even bring extra underwear. I am scared and regretful. I think of what Jarrod is going to say. I want to hate him and be mad at him and not care that I am leaving, so those are the thoughts I push in my head. I try to figure out ways I could stay and live close enough to still have my life but not have to go to jail. I figure out a way, and then we are on TV, tied up...... with crazy looking wigs on....... the dream is fading out and I wake up.

hmmmmmmmm

Today's topic will be; "not all people are out to get something from you"

some examples of this in my life are mostly my family members... and I do feel privaleged for that because not all people are lucky enough to have family members who do not "expect something in return" if you know what I mean. Unfortunately my husband has a family like this, although they try not to be like that. Anyway.... I am thankful for my fam and his, for different reasons. I also have a neighbor who is not rich, does not "have" a lot, but is constantly trying to give me and Jarrod something. And he knows that we love him to death (and hate his guts at times) and honestly gives us these little gifts or acts of kindness without expectations. Think about how rare this is. I am constantly suspicious of people because usually if they are doing something nice they want something back, or need you for something later on....... Christians or NOT. Of course Christians are easier to trust if you really believe they are Christians because at least you know they probably have a conscience. Another person that comes to mind and is the main reason for this Blog, is my friend Cynthia who I talked to last night for the first time in MONTHS. I must say she is one of very few women that I feel comfortable to talk openly with, and this is a good thing> I was really almost bubbly that she called me last night, although I could pick up the phone at any time and call her, but do I? No. I hate THE PHONE. But that is another tale for another day. I am just here to babble on today about a few pieces of lovliness picked out of my ever-moving world.

Now a big phat complaint, and a warning to anyone thinking of becoming pregnant............ MY BACK HURTS!

XOXO
Happy Friday
caroline the cleaning lady

more dreams

Last night another crazy dream. My dad was in my grandma's old house, fixing up an old computer for me, in the bathroom. I went in to see what he was up to. I had been in trouble all day, for being late to work, skipping school, etc etc. So he fixed a computer for me to keep, and gave me $50 to spend on whatever I wanted to...

This is a strange dream, because I only remember once my dad handing me cash to spend and that was when I was 7 mo. pregnant w/ Gold living in Kansas City with no money and no job, but lots of family love! He gave me $50 then and it meant a lot to me. I also have been wishing for money lately, the night before last I dreamed of shoe shopping at Journeys. I probably dreamed about my grandma's house because I saw her last night. I think I dreamed of the computer b/c when I saw my brother yesterday he was playing Sims on the upstairs "closet" computer.

As for yesterday's blog, thanks SO much to those who took time to read it and comment! U ROCK~~~~~~~~~