depression

For those of you who didn't see my last post from a day or two ago, I put some pics of Mahna in her halloween costume and a pic of her and Gold from October. Some people may look right past that pic and not realize it is Mahna sitting there with her hand on her 1/2 brother's knee. It is one of my favorite pictures ever, just one of those moments that magically got captured.

This leads me into my depression subject. I spent the morning crying and having a pity party for caroline because Gold is not coming for Thanksgiving. I find out two days before hand. This just sucks and I am just sad.

BUT I have to pull myself out of this sadness. If I live with a dark cloud in my mind, I will go mad. There is nothing worse than trying to make it through a day, singing here and there to brighten the mood, but slowly in creeps this fog. A few moments later I am listening to Metallica and wishing I could close my eyes while I drive. Hopefully this is just a one day thing. I LOGICALLY know and understand that I have soooooooo much to be thankful for. I have NOTHING to be sad about. Life could be so much worse, so many things are such huge blessings in my life. I am so lucky for my whole life my family my daughter my parents my husband............. Things have turned out so awesome for me and it is horrible to feel sorry for myself EVER! I have a 1/2 belief in chemical misfires in the brain I guess, I think more than anything I want to not think of that possibility becakuse denial is much easier than acceptance or facing possible truth.........................................................................................