OKay I am just a big puss. I talked to "boss lady" today and didn't even tell her I didn't want to clean for her anymore. ( if this makes no sense read yesterdays blog) I guess I will wait and either call her or just clean for her again and see what her "list" consists of. My momma says I shouldn't be doing someone's house who just stresses me out. Hmmmmmm.... Well anywayz

today is a good day. I pretty much finished the taxes! WHOO HOO! Self employment + baby = complicated taxes. Mom held Mahna while I did them and Anna kept me silent company. She is staying w/ me for spring break so it should be FUN! She got her braces off today and looks like a whole new Anna! :) We took Mahna for an adventure walk today in a new snobby unbuilt $400,000 house neighborhood close to my parents neighborhood. Crazy that ppl pay so much for houses so cramped together. How great can they really be??? EEK

Well Casey supposedly gets out in 2-3 wks. Wow is that going to be a big change in lifestyle. I have been getting lots of new cleaning offers lately which is pretty groovacious. I am thinking a about joining WEIGHT WATCHERS. It is the only place/gimmick/fad diet I have found that offers something for breastfeeding mothers other than "eat healthy and small portions". And we all know if I could do that I would not be a heffulump.

ADIOS!

VENT

Today I busted my ass cleaning a house. I literally worked to the point of being sore tonight. I strive to always please my clients, not only for the reason of their satisfaction, but for myself to feel that I did a wonderful job and am a good cleaning lady. I know that I am good at what I do and I enjoy it and I love to make people feel good about their home and brighten their day with no dirt in the corners, etc. It makes pretty much anyone feel great to come home to a clean shiny house. If someone asks me to do something, I do more than what they ask me to do. For example if someone asks me to dust their blinds, I will dust them and wipe the dirt off with a wet cloth. I enjoy serving people. I like to be a flexible housekeeper who can adjust to each individual for what they personally want for their money. Now for the lady I cleaned for today. First of all her husband has a problem with how much I charge. Before me they had a hispanic woman who stayed for 6 hours every Saturday to do whatever Boss Lady told her to (for less than I charge). I explained during our initial meeting that I charge a certain amount for four hours of work and I will get their house cleaned in that amount of time and am willing to do whatever else she might need once I finish the main cleaning, IF there is extra time. I am very prompt and am known to stay 10 minutes extra, even. If I say I will be there at 9 a.m. I will be. I also agreed to do this womans house every other Saturday which I am not really fond of working the weekend, but I agreed, since she works out of her home. So the second time I cleaned for her she came in (while I am scrubbing her toilet, I might add) 1 1/2 hours before I was to leave upset that I might not finish cleaning the whole house. She said her husband was worried they were paying me this large amount of money and I would not be finishing their house like I promised, and that I had spent TOO MUCH time cleaning their kitchen. I pushed down my hurt feelings and told her nicely that I would definately finish cleaning her house within the allotted time frame and resisted the urge to remind her both sides of her sink had been overflowing with crusty dishes. So okay then today I was there over my four hours, their vacuum quit working, so I had to sweep all their floors with a broom that was basically a worn down nub. I mop the floors then dry them with towels to prevent water spots. I offered to bring my vacuum over tomorrow for free, if they couldn't get theirs working. So I get a message on my answering machine tonight (in a sweet as sugar voice) that they would really appreciate if I could bring my vacuum over tomorrow, oh and also they need to "go over a few things with me" because I didn't finish all they wanted done today and she guesses she just "needs to make me a list" because I must not be used to their house yet.

Okay I am just irritated. I don't like being talked down to and I just want to tell this woman to go get her cheap maid back again if that is what she wants. I am not a slave and if she and her husband don't like what I charge for CLEANING than they can find someone else! I have a few other people offering me work right now and everyone I clean for compliments my work and no one has EVER treated me like a lower life form or something like that. I do this job because I want to and I enjoy cleaning and making things beautiful. I do not HAVE to do this. I am not some brainless person waiting to be talked down to.

So I am thinking about quitting her house. I am going to load up my vacuum and my baby and vacuum her house tomorrow for free. I will listen to her side of things and what she sees. I will decide whether this business relationship is worth it or not. Maybe I am being too touchy, sensitive or defensive? If you have read this far, tell me what you think.

finally!

I swear Mahna has been against me blogging this week. Every time I have sat down to answer these interview questions she has needed something! Well here is my attempt, one week later...

1. What 5 CD's would I have if that is all I could have?

Sarah McLachlan Fumbling Toward Ecstacy (high school)
Chemical Bros. Exit Planet Dust (kendra)
Venus Hum (or) Apoctygma Berserk (sp?)I can't choose !!!!!!
Tori Amos To Venus and Back
City of Angels soundtrack (this is a must b/c it is what I listened to in the hospital over and over when Gold was born)

2. What's the thing u like best about your parents?


They are very generous and don't expect anything in return. They are innocent and cute in a lot of ways. My mom is one of my best friends. Most of all I think I like that they love me no matter what and forgive me for my numerous and repeated mistakes, and don't remind me of them or rub them in!

3. Based on your experience in Highschool what advice would you give to current high schoolers?

My initaial answer is NOTHING because most teenagers don't want to hear any advice because they can figure it all out for themself. Haha! I don't mean that to be mean, it is just true.

But if they would listen, I would say

DON"T HAVE SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think that if more kids could/would abstain they could find themselves easier and figure out what they really wanted after highschool better. Also, to take advantage of "extracirricular activities" such as drama, sports, clubs, volunteering etc etc etc to just broaden their horizons and experience MORE and not just pigeon hole their life into a social experience that won't even matter in a few years.
(I may continue this answer later)

4. What has being married taught you thus far about yourself?

That I am freakin lucky to have not ended up with an abusive freaky loser!!!!!!!!!!! haha

It has taught me that I am strong and determined! It has made me realize that I really am able to be a "happy person".

5. What book influenced you the most at this point in your life?

Hm....... The book I think about the most is either certain bible verses, or books I have read about babies. I also really enjoyed Anne Lammott "Travelling Mercies" which sort of gave me a new view of being able to have strong faith and spirituality without expecting myself to be someone else or be 'sinless'.

Thanks for the questions, Brent. Sorry it took so long to get around to answering!

go ahead & ask

i have been seeing interviews among blogz lately and i want to be interviewed! so ask away and if u want to ask something offensive anonymously i am game for that, too!

Just Say No (to cokes)

I think this essay is very informative and convincing: Just say no to drinking sodas and feeding them to yer kids! EEK


WHY I DON'T DRINK SOFT DRINKS (AND WISH YOU DIDN'T)

by William Frazier, M.P.H., N.C.

There has never been motivation until now for me to assemble in one place

all the information I have accumulated through the years on the harmful

effects of soft drinks, especially colas and those containing phosphoric

acid. Here is a partial list. (My prayer is that multitudes will be able to

personally profit from reading this compendium of facts.)



DISEASE FLOURISHES IN AN ACID ph - COLA-TYPE DRINKS ARE ACID

"All kinds of soft drinks are very acidic, especially colas. In order to

neutralize a glass of cola, it takes 32 glasses of high ph alkaline water."

It is well known by the medical profession that disease loves acid. In

fact, a physician from Loma Linda University said in a speech that if we

could get our cells to maintain a normal ph (slightly alkaline), cancer

could not grow in our bodies."



CERTAIN SOFT DRINKS AND CANCER MAY BE RELATED

Francisco Contraries, M.D., of the Contraries Cancer Clinic in Kiajuana,

Mexico said, "Cancer is like a plant cell; it can't live in an oxygen-rich

environment. cola drinks make our bodies poor in oxygen. cancer is the

second cause of death in America. The average American is consuming 800 Or

more soft drinks annually. Be more responsible for your own life; doctors

have no responsibility for another's health."



SOFT DRINKS OFFEND THE KIDNEYS

A three year study of over 1,000 men with a history of kidney stones

showed: "There was a clear-cut difference in the group's experiences, with

much less renal colic in the men who had avoided soft drinks. Of those who

continued to use soft drinks, there was also a big difference in outcome

depending upon the nature of the soft drink consumed. Soft drinks acidified

with phosphoric acid were the worst offenders. Colas of all kinds, of

course, are well known for their high phosphoric acid content."



COLA DRINKS PROVIDE ZERO NUTRIENTS

As pointed out by Beatrice Hunter in her book, CONSUMER BEWARE (published

in 1971), "Nutritionally, soft drinks are low in value. Their food energy

comes solely from refined sugar. Every element of nutritional importance,

except calories, is zero. Soft drinks have much in common with hard liquor,

claimed the co-discoverer of insulin, Dr. Charles Best. Cirrhosis of the

liver has been found among teenagers who drink large quantities of soft

drinks, as well as among chronic alcoholics." Can we live without a

functioning liver? No. And do doctors have a cure for cirrhosis of the

liver? Not really!



CAFFEINE IS ADDICTIVE; COLAS PROVIDE IT

Soft drinks, including the cola and pepper-type drinks that have caffeine

in them, are the number one beverage of Americans today, with coffee

second. Caffeine is a drug and it acts as a stimulant to the central

nervous system. "In the amounts presently being consumed, it can cause

insomnia, nervousness, irritability, anxiety and disturbances in the heart

rate and rhythm. Cola and pepper-type drinks account for 80-90 percent of

the caffeine added to foods today. Its long term effects on people are not

clearly known."



BIRTH DEFECTS AREA POSSIBILITY

Here is advice on caffeine from the FDA. "In making the public announcement

in September of caffeine's possible dangers to unborn children, FDA

commissioner Dr. Jere E. Goyan urged prudence by pregnant women in the use

of caffeine products. Goyan's words to mothers-to-be: "So while further

evidence is being gathered on the possible relationship between caffeine

and birth defects, a prudent and protective mother-to-be will want to put

caffeine on her list of unnecessary substances which she should avoid." The

old saying that a pregnant woman is "eating for two" has a special meaning

in regard to caffeine.



The Commissioner also noted that studies to date support the wisdom passed

down from generation to generation that caffeine is not for pregnant women

or children. "We hope some day to have better scientific assessments,"

Goyan said, "but for now adhering to the guidance of our parents seems to

be the most prudent course."



ANOTHER PROBLEM: CARAMEL COLORING

"Cola drinks contain caramel coloring which, according to some researchers,

has genetic effects and is a cancer-causing suspect. Polyethylene glycol is

used as an ingredient sometimes. Glycol is used in anti-freeze in

automobiles and as an oil solvent." Perhaps you have noticed that pouring

cola drinks on your windshield in a snow or ice storm will keep the

windshield from freezing over with ice.



BUBBLES AND FIZZ - NOT INNOCENT

"The bubbles and fizz in soft drinks can potently burn human insides; this

is caused by the phosphoric acid and carbon dioxide. The phosphorus in the

acid upsets the body's calcium-phosphorus ratio and dissolves calcium out

of the bones. This can eventually result in osteoporosis, a weakening of

the skeletal structure, which can make one susceptible to broken bones.

Also, the phosphorus fights with the hydrochloric acid in human stomachs

and renders it ineffective. This promotes indigestion, bloating and

gassiness in many individuals. Carbon dioxide is a waste product exhaled by

humans, but they ingest it when they drink cola drinks."



SUGAR - SUGAR - SUGAR: A WHITE DECEIVER

Soft drinks use predominately three types of sweeteners - saccharin or

aspartame in the diet type and sugar, cane syrup or corn syrup in the

regular drinks. "These substances enhance taste appeal and come touted as

"refreshing" and "high energy". The truth is that saccharin has been shown

to cause cancer in laboratory animals and Nutra-sweet and Equal are linked

to convulsions, depression, insomnia, irritability, weakness, dizziness,

migraine headaches, mood changes and mental retardation. (Which of these, I

ask, is something you really want in your life?)



ALLERGIES: WITH OR WITHOUT HIVES

Dr. George M. Halpem, Division of Allergy at the University of California

Davis School of Medicine says that diet soft drinks may cause allergies.

"The potential problem may be due to toxicity because of the increase in

consumption of diet drinks. Acute or chronic hives may be symptoms caused

by this low-calorie, artificial sweetener."



MALFORMED FETUSES IN MICE A REALITY

Another study that caught my attention was done in Japan, by Dr. Yoshihide

Hagiwara and published under the title, The Effects of Foods on the Bones

of Mice. The experiments involved sustaining mice with feed containing

calcium and phosphoric acid in varying ratios. When the amount of

phosphoric acid was increased beyond a certain limit, bone malformation

occurred in the mice. Further increase of phosphoric acid in the food of

pregnant mice yielded 40 malformed fetuses out of 100. the meaning of these

results are self-evident. Too much phosphoric acid can cause birth

defects." Does it happen in humans? Why take a chance!



HOW TO DISSOLVE YOUR TEETH

"Nor am I alone in this conclusion," Haglwara said. "A government warning

was once issued to the manufacturer of a certain world-famous refreshing

soft drink for its suspected effect on the bones of children because of the

large amount of phosphoric acid contained in it. Pour cola over an

extracted baby tooth or a 10-penny nail and see it totally dissolve in a

few days!"



Dr. Clive McCay, working at the Naval Research Institute, placed extracted

human teeth in cola drinks. Within two days, the teeth became very soft,

and the enamel surface lost much of its calcium. Rats, well fed but given

nothing to drink except cola beverages, after six months had their molar

teeth dissolved down to the gum line. When Dr. McCay reported years ago the

rat experiments before the Delaney hearing on chemical in foods, a lawmaker

reminded him that the soft drink industry represented huge economic

investments. He suggested that these alarming findings be soft-pedaled to

avoid disrupting the industry and the economy as a whole. Dr. McCay

countered by stating that the health of the nation's children might be as

important as the welfare of the soft-drink industry." How do you feel about

your children's teeth being damaged?



SOFT BONES OR NO BONES!

My file is full of examples of Americans with soft bones (dissolved, I

believe, by their phosphoric acid consumption) any my heart-felt concern

for fetuses is now a reality - many are being born without face bones, with

missing ribs, with fewer than normal carpal bones, and so forth. Do we

really care? Do we care enough to change our lifestyle? I sincerely hope

so.

If changes are not made by millions soon, Dr. James Beasley's prediction

can be upon us. He said, "If Americans do not change their eating and

drinking habits, within twenty years we will have nutritional

obliteration." I see that as a very viable possibility.



KIDNEY VS COLA: A REAL PROBLEM FOR MANY

Dr. Earl Mantel in his book, "Unsafe At Any Meal" says, "For anyone over

forty, soft drinks can be especially hazardous because the kidneys are less

able to excrete excess phosphorous, causing depletion of vital calcium."

Can a person live without kidneys? No. Is it easy and/or cheap to get a

kidney transplant? No!



METABOLISM CAN BE ALTERED: THAT SPELLS TROUBLE

Heavy soft drink consumption can interfere with your body's metabolization

of iron and diminish nerve-impulse transmission. Sodas may contain - but

are not required to disclose - such ingredients as ethyl alcohol, sodium

alginate (possibly hazardous for pregnant women), brominated vegetable oil

(found harmful to vital organs of animals and considered a health risk to

heavy consumers of beverages containing it) and caffeine.



MORE "REAL" SYMPTOMS

Cola drinks can interact adversely with antacids, possible causing

constipation, calcium loss, hypertension, nausea, vomiting, headaches and

kidney damage. Soft drinks can decrease the antibacterial action of

penicillin and ampicillin.



MORE "SUGAR BLUES"

"The average 12 ounce cola has about 150 calories and over an ounce (9

teaspoons) of refined sugar, a 12 ounce up-cola has 71/2 teaspoons of

sugar." Dr. A. Thrash, M.D., found that 24 teaspoons of sugar in on day

destroys 92% of the body's ability to destroy bacteria.



BLOOD PRESSURE ALTERATION: ON THE HIGH SIDE

Diet sodas that are low in calories are high in sodium. Six ounces of

regular Pepsi cola has 5 mg of sodium; Diet Pepsi has 31 mg (But who only

drinks 6 oz at a time now? - classic Coke Cola has 19 mg sodium. High blood

pressure is very common ailment in our society, I wonder why!

And who shouldn't have high sodium in their diets? My personal answer to

that question, is that the condition which causes a person to have high

blood pressure should be considered a condition where limiting sodium

intake would be helpful. Here are a few of those; certain tumors, kidney

disease, adrenal or thyroid or pituitary gland malfunction, even diabetes

and arteriosclerosis or hardening of the arteries. Soft drinks should be

off limits to persons with these conditions.



A DECEITFUL ADDICTION: CAFFEINE

Caffeine is a member of the same alkaloid group of chemicals as morphine,

nicotine, cocaine, purine and strychnine. These alkaloids all have one

thing in common: they are addictive. Colas are responsible for giving

millions of Americans addicts their daily "fixes". (Forgive my poignant

language - but think about it).

howdy

Well it is March. To me this means that there is about one month left until Jarrod's brother gets out of jail. This means we are getting to the end of living on Poydras street. Soon we will be househunting. I am so anxious to get a place of our own that we actually OWN. I am not anxious for all the paperwork, talking to loan officers or whatever it takes to get a house. As you can see I really have no clue and therefor am afraid of the unknown. Since Jarrod is a courier whose income is sort of strange because taxes are not taken out but mileage is deducted at the end of the year on our tax form, on one piece of paper it looks like he makes money. On another piece it looks like he doesn't. It is more complicated than the average American qualifying for a loan. We want to stay in the area but not the ghetto, so who knows. I just pray that it all works out and doesn't cause too much tension.

Mahna is six months old now! I can't believe a half year has gone by. I want to cry, but I am having too much fun with her. Her new fave game is throwing things on the floor. My mom informed me I won't think this is so "CUTE" for very much longer. It is all part of her figuring things out though! Gotta go, she is beckoning me. ADIOS!

finally!

I finally figured out how to "outsmart" my computer so I can blog again! I wonder if any one even reads it anymore, haha.

So far this has been one of the best weekends I have had in a long time, and it is only Saturday evening!

Thursday Jana called to say she was coming in town. I have not seen her in so long and she has a 6 wk old baby who I hadn't seen and she hadn't seen Mahna, who is almost 6 months old already! So the plan was for Jarrod and I to go stay at their hotel room Fri night. Then Jarrod gets a call to WORK Sat. morning from 3:30 a.m. til noon for a chunk of change. Dilemma! Do we cancel on our friends or do we lose out on a chance to make $$$? See, I usually go with him on these long drive odd jobs. So we are trying to figure out what to do and Jarrod says well how about if you go see Jana and I will do the route myself. I saw this as very unselfish of him. I must say I had such a great time. I cant even remember the last time I got to hang out with a girl-friend and talk all night. We stayed up til 4:30 am watching movies and talktalktalking. It was a good time. I felt so comfortable with her, her huz and their kiddos and of course Mahna was with me and she was very entertained by my 3 yr old goddaughter Bri. Then they brought me home about the same time Jarrod got home from his route and Jarrod told me to go get whatever I wanted to eat, so I got Wingstop which is super yummy and then Mahna and I come home and take a nap with Jarrod and the kitties... I will say one thing about motherhood. WHen you get a chance to get out and about and have some fun, it is just that much more fun because it is not a regular even to be taken for granted. Today I am thankful for each happy moment I do not deserve.

AND IN CONTINUATION:::::
Q 6 is "if you were a historical figure who would it be?"
I would be Ester......... whew what a job!

Q 7 "if you were a book what would you be?"
hmmmmmm that one I will think about

adios and thanks for reading... comment???

technology is such a hassle

Haha, have you seen those commercials w/ the funny looking guy in the green suit that is doing annoying things and the ad says ' why does technology have to be such a hassle'? Too funny! well my computer at home can not get to the "create new post" on blogger these days! I don't know what the dealio is and I have not made the time to figure it out either! So I am at my parents house posting now. My mommy is in the hospital. She had surgery which was planned and is doing better now. Her blood pressure had dropped low and she had to have three blood transfusions already! She was supposed to get out tomorrow but now I don't think they are going to let her. It is scary to see her laid up in a hospital bed, even though I am very thankful she is doing good and her problem was not life threatening. It is just strange to see HER laying there and needing HER mom to feed her etc. just like she did for me when I was in the hospital. I felt very useless and she was sleeping most of the time cuz of all the meds they gave her. Mahna has been pretty good today and is napping now but I won't let her sleep too long> I started reading a new "get your baby to sleep thru the night" book. This one is so opposite of anything else I have read. It suggests allowing your kids to sleep in bed w/ you until they wean themself into their own bed. And it suggests allowing breastfeeding to continue until the child weans themself whether that is at 6 mo. or 3 yrs. Eek. Sounds scary but I am open to openminded suggestions. Jarrod and I are going to Virginia a week from today. I am excited to visit his brother and sister in law (Freddy and Kristina) and our nephews who we have seen so rarely. I am not looking forward to the plane ride w/ Mahna and all her baby shtuff, but hopefully my prayers for quietness and patience will be answered. At the hospital everyone oohed and aaaahed over her and it is so cute cuz she is now interactive and really puts on a show for those who google over her and sometimes even people who pretend to not see her! haha. Please keep my mom in your prayers as she will be recovering for about 6 weeks from this painful surgery.............. xoxo
p.s The next question on the list is "WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL WOULD YOU BE?" Hmmmm I guess I would want to be a........................ Hippo! Then everyone would say look how huge that hippo is, but it's ok cuz I am supposed to be huge. I am a hippo!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) How about you? Got any more intriguing and creative answers than me?

well whatdoya know

I would have thought "what makes you angry" would have gotten a lot of comments on that last post! Maybe no one is reading??? Oh well. I will type for myself and for anyone who may come upon a rainy day and decide to read all my back issues. Haha.

Todays question is "What is the best time for me?"

There are so many Best times for me.... I would say one is the time that I get to spend with my mom and grandma. I am so lucky to have good mentors like them. Too lucky to really put into words.

I like the time when I get to stay up all night with Jarrod talking or watching movies. That is what we did at the very beginning of our relationship and it is fun when we rarely get to do it now, because it reminds me we are still the same although so much has changed...

I really enjoy the times when I get myself up early in the morning. Like 6 or 7 a.m. and get a good workout, get the dishes done and take a shower, then am ready for the day when Mahna wakes up. That is a good day, especially the exercise part because it is such a good waker upper and antidepressant for me.

YOUR TURN>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> COMMENT PLEASE

I want the BEST of both worlds.....

That song is in my head. ANywaYz here is question 3. I realize some questions are boring but I want to try to do all of them cuz what the heck! :)

I get angry when........

I see a father hitting his child on tv. (or in person, but that is super rare) When I see a mother angrily jerking her child around. When I see someone verbally abusing a chubby kid. The hurt on all these kids faces makes me see red. I want to jump through the television when I see disciplining out of anger or straight up physical abuse. That is what ANGERS me.

So what is yours?

question two

If I were a color I would be......

Blue. Then I could be whatever my mood lead me to be. Sad.....beautiful.....mysterious......cold....snuggly. I could be navy blue and serious. Pastel blue and needing to be protected. Blueish black makes you take a second look. No matter what when it's blue you can't ignore it.

If you were a color what would you be?

100 journal/essay/story topics

I found a thing from 1981 The ILLINOIS WRITING PROJECT. Here is question ONE and I will answer it and then hope for your answer (or email).

If I were a famous person I would be...

Angelina Jolie because she is super beautiful and naturally skinny (I am shallow) and she is also doing something good with her money and fame for another country. I think she is a great real life mom role model for other women in Hollywood.

So who would you be if you were a famous person?

yipppppppppeeeeeeee

Jana had her baby today! A lil gurl named BROOKLYN who weighed 6 lb 12 oz and was 19 in. long. I realllllly want to go out there this weekend (she lives in San antonio) and see them. I am so excited she got to have another baby. Jana congratulations!!!!!!!!

as for Mahna she had a fun day with her gramma dar and her g.g. (great grandma) while I cleaned a house. Yes, that's right, I cleaned a house. It was fun, too. The house was very dirty and I enjoyed cleaning the hell out of it. Haha. It was nice to accomplish something without interruptions from my babycakes. I tried to relax and enjoy the peaceful thinking time away from her and not just purely miss her adorable little chubby face.

Then I got to go get a suprise manicure. It was cool even though the nail chick was sort of cranky. My nails look super pretty now so that just added happiness to my day.

Mostly I am thankful my friend had a successful C-Section today and that her baby is here and healthy.

NIGHT!

mahna mahna mahna

Well my poor little poopkins had to have her four month shots yesterday! It was worse than the two month ones. It was a heartbreaking look that crossed her face when they poked her with four different needles. I couldn't help but think of people who do horrible things to babies. I kept telling her this is for her own good etc etc parent like things to say, but the ultimate look on her face was how could you do this to me? Anyway she is otherwise doing fine and dandy. The DR said "I can't find a thing wrong with her!" so that makes me happy. She now weighs 12 lb. 12 oz. and is 23 1/2 inches long for those of you who enjoy such tidbits. My friend is having a baby VERRRRRRRRRY soon and I can't wait and I am so happy to have a friend having a kiddo around the same time as I did. It is fun to have someone to talk to about the same silly mommy things I am into right now, because everyone knows that people who don't have kids or whose kids are much older just do not care about diapers and spit up and these such things! :) In case Kendra is reading, I must say that I do wish you would/could have a baby right now, too. That would just be too fuN! WEll she is waking up now so I better go. Shots make babies CRANKY!

rain

It sure is a raiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny day. It looks like early evening but it is 9:30 a.m. Why am I awake already? Haha. It is coming down hard again. I have my front window open. One of my favorite things about this cute lil house we live in is this big window in the living room. It is not a great view or anything but I sit at my coffee table with this laptop and can watch the rain while I type. No clutter of my desk around me. I really gotta tackle that desk. Maybe during one of Mahna's fifteen minute naps. I say that almost sarcastically as she really does only take a couple 15 min naps and then maybe one for an hour but usually will sleep longer if I lay next to her. This means I am not keeping up with my dishes and housecleaning etc etc as much as I would like to be. I am reading Marla Cilley "Sink Reflections" which is about babysteps to a clean and perpetually organized house. It also has a moving guide which I am going to adjust to my own needs to clean out the "game room" in the next few months, maybe just a few minutes a day. Casey gets out of jail in April, and if he got out today he would have nothing but a couch to live on. So I have to get all our clutter out of that game room and I am quite a pack rat. I have a horribly hard time throwing anything away. So There is boxes of junk that we don't use but once I start going through them I think of one reason or another to keep stuff. When Jarrod and I got married I almost filled a one bedroom apt. with MY stuff, while he moved in his two litte totes. We are also planning to buy a house next year maybe around August, so I am trying to psyche myself up for getting new things for the house by getting rid of old shtuff. Of course one of my dillemas is What if someone I know could have USED this and I am just donating it to CCA???? And even off that note I don't know if I will donate to CCA or to a smaller thrift store, so that CCA doesn't become even more of a walmart in the thrift store world.
Mahna rolled over the 30th of Dec. That was one day before she turned 4 months. Now I have only seen her do it maybe two more times in the last 4 days, but she definately figured it out. SHe is figuring lots of things out, like one certain kind of screeeeeeeeeeeeeech sound that makes me come get her from her swing or bed when she gets bored. She is making that sound now, so I will just be happy with what I managed to type up today. ADIOS! (happy new year!)

new record?

Okay 16 days since the last blog. Dangggggg. I do check my mail once or twice a day, but it is usually in a five minute increment when I can set Mahna down and I think, what could I possibly write in my blog in just a minute? Or I am holding her on my lap which means I can read mail or blogs but not exactly type or if I do, one handed typing takes forever! Anyway, I am becoming some what of a night owl these days. My free time begins when she goes to sleep around 10:30 or 11:30 at night and i just want to stay up and hang out and maybe have a beer or read or do whatever. Unfortunately everyone else has to go to bed cuz they have jobs which require them to get up at a certain hour. I am lucky in that, even if Mahna wakes me up every two hours, I can stay in bed until 11 a.m. if I want to. This verrrry rarely happens, but it is nice to know I have the freedom if I want to take advantage of it. It makes it not a big deal for me to stay up until the wee hours of the morn, for I know I will get sleep one way or another.
Mahna is just a delight and I feel so lucky to have a baby. I just enjoy having her with me. If I go to the store, if I walk into the laundry room of my house, if I go to my mom's or my grandma's house..... She is my little buddy. I am her protector and I love her so much. Corny? Yea, well it is amazing these things I feel. What did I do before this? Yea, that probably sounds corny too.
I sure do love this time of year. I get to be with my family, including Kendra, for several days in a row. I am okay with not really ever hanging out with any friends. I just really see Jarrod at night for a few hours and see my family a lot. My friends are on email or phone and that is all good. I know three people who are having baby girls in the next few months. One of them is due next month and I can't wait to see her new one, as she is a really special person to me, so of course her kids will be too. And not to mention that now that I have REALLY been exposed to the beauty and amazement of "baby", I am truly addicted and will be awed and in love with almost any baby i see from now on.
I have a new favorite show. Law and Order:SVU. It is mostly about rapes and other heinous sex crimes and them being brought to justice. Sounds out there and sick and that is what I thought when I first heard of it but it is intriguing. Anyway it doesn't matter what I like on TV but there have been two statements on this show tonight that made a lot of sense. The first was that devastating things happen all the time, each day that goes by we are NEVER the same again, and sometimes things are more devastating than other days.
The second was this woman didn't understand why she had been raped, because she thought that since her mother had died a very slow painful death and she had gone through it with her that was the only hard thing she would have to endure in life. It seemed unfair to her that she had then been raped and gone through something even harder... This got me thinking of my own situations in life. I thought placing Gold for adoption was the hardest thing I would ever have to do. I had suicidal moments after that period in my life of being pregnant with him and leaving Kansas City after his birth, because I thought "my mission in life is done". I was put on this earth to have a baby for my aunt and uncle. I got to have wild fun as a teenager and that was the end result which benefited them. I assumed to know what God had planned for me and my life. Then as time went by I realized my place in Jarrod's life and his ultimate placement in my heart and being a beam in my back. I realized my family and how amazing they are and how much I totally love them and that there are hard things but you move on past them and everyone grows and adjusts in their own way. I am not the ONLY one in my family to have difficult things. Every single person on EARTH has hard things. I am not "special" in that way. And now I see that there is more in life. Quitting drugs several years ago helped me see the world as a larger place and that there is an abundance of possibility. I have had some really difficult times since Gold was born, in other aspects of life. Hard, hard things have been thrown my way which seemed unfair but fighting through them seems worth it in the end. I wonder if someday I will feel freely to talk about those things as I can talk freely about Gold now? Why is it so hard to talk about what is REALLY hard right now in my life? I don't know. Recently well after I had Mahna I had some really bad days of depression which I associate with post partum blues. But could I just get on my blog and pour my heart out to whomever might read and say I am so depressed that I want to run into a pole with my car? I feel useless and invisible and have nothing but self hatred in my heart and mind. I could NOT say that. I felt weak and was afraid to be judged or that someone would say I am an ungrateful person or try to lock me up as a looney suicidal when I just really needed to TALK and make sense of the things in my mind which did make me feel abnormal. It was confusing to feel so sad yet so so so elated by my beautiful miracle of a daughter who is nothing but joy and wonder. I am so thankful for her and I am thankful now that my mind is going back to "normal" and that I don't have sad angry thoughts closing in on my every thought. I truly empathise with those who have consistant depression on a daily basis and their fight against the waves crashing in. THAT is a strong person who can handle that for years.
Well I suppose that is enough of a rant for now. I am sure I have taken up too much of your time already and I do need to go to sleep now that Jarrod has been in bed a couple hours and Mahna is asleep and I am done wrapping all but ONE present and I am tired=======
So goodnight and thanks for reading. Leave me a happy face comment or something so I know you are a true loyal God send of a person in my life to have read my rant and still checked back on my blog after so much time.
Adios..... more soon, I promise! :)

hold me now......... warm my heart...... stay with me...

I am over the initial shock of giving up work life and money. Well maybe not totally over the money but I have had a marvelous weekend with Mahna. Her pediatrician advised me to quit drinking milk, eating cheese and eggs to see if that might help her not be so cranky. So i have given up my favorite food CHEESE! But I can tell a difference in her after just two days. She is breathing better and her face is not so flaky anymore. Last night I held her while she slept for about 2 hours and again tonight for about an hour before putting her in her bed. I also held her during her nap today and I am probably spoiling her but I just enjoy it so much and so does she. I considered going to church today and it seemed like too much trouble. I hate to say that because I really enjoy hearing what the preacher has to say and getting my thoughts going. But I am not ready to leave Mahna in the hands of strangers or taking her to church with me makes it hard to concentrate. Blah blah blah. I talked to my sistah on the phone today which was cool since we so rarely do talk on the phone. She is such a cool person I really admire her. I also like it that she always asks me if I am "writing" but doesn't get frustrated when I always seem to answer "no". :) I know how important it is to write and my main excuse for not doing it is that someone might read the insanity and confusion I would put onto paper and know what I am really like inside.

jitter

I quit my housecleaning business today. Mahna is so cranky and irregular with her naptimes these days I can't take her with me anymore. A four hour cleaning can take up to six... I just get too frustrated and feel like I am not doing as well of a job as I am getting paid for. The alternative to quitting was to ask my mom to babysit three times a week. Jarrod and I talked about it and really didn't want her to be more of a babysitter than a grandma. I also don't want the time to fly by while Mahna is a baby. If I have the chance to be with her all the time, I should sieze the opportunity. I feel nervous and anxious about quitting. I feel like I lost control of something but I think it is just temporary. I am just nervous about life and changes. I want to be a good mother, wife and all around person. I dunno. I feel depressed cuz I feel out of control. It will pass... That is my update. Mahna is an angel. Fun and adorable. Pure joy in my world. She smiles, laughs and likes to play. It is cool and each new cool thing she does I think wow I can't believe things will keep getting cooler than this!!

howdy

yea its been 4 ever i know......& i am typing onehanded right now for this reason.......i have the privalege of a child who wants mucho time & attention. she is a cutie... she has started batting at toys w/ her hands and making lots of talky noises. she is getting bigger and you can see the features of her face more. i take her to clean 2 of the 3 houses I clean with me. my mom watches her on weds when I clean for evelyn. Tomorrow is evelyns 84th bday and i am cleaning early for her this week cuz of thanksgiving. This week on weds Lynne Kelly and GOLD are coming to visit! I can't believe it and i am so nervous and totally excited. I can't wait to see all of them, as it has been 16 months since I have seen them! Our neighbor gave us their old chimenea last week and it was cracked and we accidently broke it but now it is a cool fire pit so we have fires on our porch every night. people come and go here and there and I usually can't enjoy it much but sometimes when its not too chilly mahna goes out w/ me. well she is needing to go to bed so i better go! thanks for reading after so long of not posting!

SARAH!!!!!!!

Sarah if u read this tell me your blog addy cuz I do not know it! ALso what is your email cuz I want to send u pics of Mahna!

Okay am I being horrid about this bloggaroonie or what! Jeez its been way over a week. Well lets see so I told you Franky got out of jail> I told you my cuzin Adam came to visit. hmmm Oh I stayed the night at my parents 2 saturdays ago. It was wierd but fun cuz me and Anna stayed up til 3 or 4 in the morning watching "saved" and "white oleander". Both cool movies. Then last week I started thinking I might quit cleaning Evelyn's house. I am sort of tired of driving all the way out there and because of gas prices and having to leave Mahna w/ my mom it is starting to not be worth the money. who knows what I will do tho. Halloween was fun. I dressed Mahna as a punkin and I was the punkin fairy. I loked like a butterfly really but oh well. We trik or treated down my parents house and got some candy. Anna and i went and saw "SAW" that day too and that movie is pretty freaky. I was thinking today about good things to say to a new mommy. These are compliments people have given me that meant something to me.

"your swelling has really gone down, you look thinner everytime I see you"

"you can really tell that you spend a lot of time with your baby, she is so happy"

"a calm mommy makes for a calm baby"

"what a lucky baby to be getting the good stuff (breastmilk)!"

Man there was more but I totally forgot cuz I didn't write them down. Oh well. Have a good day!!!!