and time marches on

I think that one day I will be at Walmart getting groceries alone, and think, "this cashier doesn't even know I have kids". Seems funny, but I rarely, if ever go to the store alone. And it usually starts out as a peaceful jaunt. Of course I have to mentally insist on always going to Walmart, so I can pick up some socks or get the babyfood for 10 cents less, the laundry soap for a dollar less......I can count on being able to do the 'self checkout'. Of course self checkout seems goofy to some when I am wrangling two kids tired of being at the store, but seriously. If I have to put something back cuz I don't have enough money, it is not embarrassing this way. Mostly, though, it is just that by the end of a bi-weekly run through the store I am usually pretty agitated either about how much money I am about to not have or that Mahna had to go potty twice in 30 minutes, or Cole spit out his pacifier on the raunchy floor. At least if I do self checkout, I generally "don't"
have to interact with another adult and pretend that I am a patient, super-mom. I can hurry, I can get out to the car and chill out.

So anyway, all that said because one day I won't have little kids anymore and I just know I will miss it. I will be lonely in the walmart aisles. I will wonder where my kids are and wish I could take them potty and wonder what kind of horrid influences their peer are being on them at the moment. I will wonder where my youth went and why was I stressed out in my 20s and thinking I looked like shit when I am 35 or 45 now and really DO and can't fix the problems without expensive surgeries.

So I guess I am writing this for myself to remember to enjoy the moments and savor the flavor of young kids who say I love you and "mommmmeeeee" constantly. And try to ignore the fact that I have no self and no life besides them. XOXO thanks for reading!