updates

I feel so conceited posting on Blogger. It's like here is ME here is MY LIFE, here are MY FEELINGS... but then onthe other hand I guess I couldn't talk about other ppl without their permission. LOL

Mahna is doing much better. 2 nights ago she woke up 5 times during the night, therefor neither of us got sleep, last night she only woke up twice. She is no longer barfing. She has no more fever. She has developed a love for water (yippee!) and has been guzzling it (and was doing pedialite too) since she got sick so no worries of dehydration. I am feeling a sense of sadness by no longer nursing but also it is changing out bedtime routine and daddy gets to be more involved now. She has her own pillow now and takes her sippy cup w/ her to bed (in between us on our bed) and she fusses a little but then lies down and says "row row" wanting us to sing row row row your boat, then "baby" for rock abye baby, then "baby" again for hush little baby. I pray and hope that eventually she will be broken of the ritual of waking up in the night and sleep solidly.

This morning we got up early to go to the "Wellington" neighborhood sales. Only to get rained out. We did get to go to one and got mahna a few lil things. I am off to clean a house now and think about what to get Jarrod for his bday. He will be 28 HOLY COW on Monday! I think I am gonna get him a metal detector (that is what he asked for) to use on the beach in Galveston. He is planning a big trip with his friends on Memorial day wknd. And hopefully his brother Freddy can fly out from Virginia that weekend. My parents are giving Jarrod a frequent flyer ticket for his bday so his brother can come visit. I think that is really cool. TOODLES FOR NOW!
HAPPY FRIDAY

end of an era

Mahna is officially not breastfed anymore. T.M.I.? LOL. It has been about 36 hours or so and she seems to have forgotten that she ever was at all. Going to bed is a little different now. Instead of me being her comforting pacifier, I am just a warm body next to her while she screams and sits and lays and sings and gets quiet then remembers she is supposed to be fighting sleep. If you would have asked me a week ago if I could put her to bed without nursing her, I would have said no. Unfortunately Sunday night she got ill and started barfing. this was around 11. I rocked her to sleep and thought at 4 a.m. when she woke up that she was probably settled enough to nurse back to sleep. Nope, barfed it right up. So... I decided to stop nursing her, because I thought maybe it was my milk making her sick for some unknown reason. Monday she made it until 3 pm before barfing and then I realized that she must be sick and not just reacting to my milk or something she ate. Plus she was getting feverish and being all around limp and pitiful. Oh and I have been housesitting for my parents and "babysitting" franky and anna. They have been absolute angels by the way. So I have spent the last 2 days rocking Mahna a lot in my mom's comfy lazyboy rocker/recliner. Grandma has came by a few times to see me and let me take a shower, we watched Memoirs of a Geisha also (finally!). So back to the b.feeding thing. I just explained to Mahna that I could not give it to her because it made her sick and she looked at me with such a sad look, but I only had to explain it twice the first few hours and then she seemed to forget all about it. It is sad in a lot of ways..... She won't "need" me as much now and I don't get the satisfaction of comforting her in that way. But I am accepting, I know she needs to grow up and learn to fall asleep on her own without being overly dependent on her momma. A plus I believe will come from it is that last night she slept for 8 hours straight. I truly can not tell you if she has done that more than 3 times in the last 19 months! So this is a good thing, especially if I do get pregnant, I will be needing more sleep. And it will be good for her to be "over it" so she won't feel like she is sharing that part of me with the baby. My grandma said my uncle Ric forgot about his bottle 24 hours after she took it away from him. I believe it now, for sure. So anyway, housesitting has been fine, besides my poor husband being lonely here and there at home. He could have come over but it is better if he does NOT catch what Mahna has. No worky means no money. Anna has been a super help to me the whole time, since I have been confined to home for a couple days. She has got Mahna medicine, gone grocery shopping and just helped me so much. Franky has been a real sweet heart and we have had some funny conversations here and there. It is good to laugh with siblings. He is also a great cook, so here and there I was treated to flavorful snackies. Not to mention my parents have a really NICE house that is big, and has comfy carpet and plenty of SPACE.
Tomorrow it is back to semi real life, as I will go change my plea in H.V. to guilty about my ticket (that I am not guilty of but just don't care anymore) and clean for Dottie for about 2 hours. Then it is back home again to a lot of backed up laundry, and Mahna's own room/toys. TOODLES

Church

Today I went to Crossroads Bible church where I usually do go, and have gone since I was in 10th grade which was like oh my gosh like 11 years ago??????????? Today Brent spoke instead of the usual preacher. I must say my attention was kept the whole time. I should back up and add that I intended to try out Garden Ridge Church of Christ today. I didn't go there for two reasons, one I was sort of scared to try somewhere new, and two, it started
at 10:15 instead of 10:45 so I got to stay in bed a little longer. I have figured out I can get ready and get Mahna ready in 30 min, so I got up at 10 to leave at 10:30. Anyway Brent really kept me interested. He talked about the student ministries and what all the middle and highschoolers are doing. They are doing more than the whole church it seems! It really made me wish that I could go back to highschool knowing what I know now and actually learn something and do something! They are doing mission trips to Holland and Russia and building houses for poor people in Mexico. The highschoolers are teaching the middle schoolers bible studies. They are all seemingly involved in something or another. I just wish there was a group for my age which was doing the same. That was one reason I consider trying out other churches. I love the preacher (Tim) at Crossroads and I feel like I learn a lot from him. I do not really feel myself fitting in at the church, I feel lost in a very very large crowd. I see too much middle age and older people who seem in a rush to leave right after church. I kind of want to find a "family" of people I can learn from and work toward things with. Then again I don't want to leave... So I am wrestling with myself today. Brent mentioned that we should all think about where we fit in and what our "thing" is. (not his exact words) I feel really strongly drawn toward helping teenage girls. Even mid school girls...........Heck girls from age 2 and up.........? I just know what it was like to be caught up in this and that as a mid and high schooler and I feel like I might be able to help some girl resist an urge or find a niche where she otherwise feels scared to connect with youtu for fear of being "different" in too many ways?....... I am rambling but I am putting my thoughts out here. One other thing I liked that you did today Brent, was that you named off each highschool senior who is graduating (were there 32?) and said something u were thankful for about each one. That was cool because it was PERSONAL. I have occasionally been to a tiny church. In their announcements they would say someones name and something they did or to pray for them etc etc. Sometimes our church is so big it doesn't feel like a family it feels like an auditorium in college. I am not complaining because it is good that Tim's words can reach so many people in one day... but it is cool to hear a few people's names called out, it made it feel like a family. I still may someday check out a church that has mostly people my age, or just another form of church, just because. But I really don't want to give up the church I have known for so long without really praying more about it and seeing if there IS a place for me
Oh I should also mention for any who are wondering why I was considering trying out Church of Christ. I don't really know anything about it's beliefs. I have seen signs saying "Celebrate Recovery". This interests me because I have a lot of addiction in my family and I also have a friend, a client...... a distant relative.........MYSELF and addiction issues are always there so why not tie them in with church? Also the commercial on TV lately about (is it United Church of Christ?) where the gay couple get bounced out of church then the crying baby.........the too old person.......thehomeless guy. Then the end of the commercial says something about lets make church for everyone! I love it! I want a hippy church where everyone feels comfortable and can witness to the truly lost and searching ones. Like druggies......man who is searching for God more than a druggie? Hello. Chasing a false happiness wishing for that inner peace, comfort, release of guilt. Honestly what would be really cool would be to find this group of gays, druggies, hippies and bring them in to Crossroads. Mix it up a bit, it would excite the suburbanites who may be bored with their existance and in turn the suburbanites can use all the wisdom they have gained from years under Tim's teaching to show the gaydruggiehippies what life is REALLY all about (relationship with God). Ok if you are still reading thank u so much and I am going to shut up now. PLEASE comment be it mean or nice. XOXO

happppppppppppy bdayt

to ANNA she is 17 today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I remember 17 years ago my mom being pregnant with her. I was almost 10. Everyone was sure that bump in my belly was a little brother for Franky. I constantly told them all it was a girl and I would rub my mom's belly saying HI LITTLE SISTER! I already had 2 siblings so I wasn't really excited about another person taking all my parents attention away from me, but nonetheless I knew it was a girl. I remember hiding on the stairs when my grandma answered the phone call from the hospital. "It's a girl???!!!" I jumped out saying "I knew it I knew it!". I think 10 years is a cool age difference for me and Anna. Maybe I am just lucky that she is such an easy going person and so much fun to be around. She helped me a lot with my work while I was pregnant with Mahna. She has been very accepting and tolerant of Jarrod irritating the crap out of her with his "JoKeS". We share a love of makeup, which we will pursue today spending her birthday day together and getting pedicures. Tomorrow she will go to Austin w/ Franky (my parents and gma already left) and I will go to the church picnic on Saturday and Sunday go see Jarrod's grandma who just had one of her breasts removed because of cancer. I am sad it didn't work out to go to Austin this weekend, but I am glad it is working out that I get to be with Anna on her birthday-day. HAPPY 17TH on the 14th!

I can't take it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Life without a computer is too hard! I just can't take it anymore!!!!!!!!!! Casey (jarrods' bro) is still working on a few ideas of what might work to fix the darn thing. I might just have to snag it back and call DELL. They ask for a cred card # but supposedly they can help u fix the problemo. Today I went to the gym and had a very heartpumping workout. Mahna was greeted before we even got INTO the gym by the older babysitter "Ginger" who just can't wait to see her when we make it in. They were blowing bubbles in there today and it was just Mahnas luck cuz yesterday we got her bubbles but they wouldn't work with her bubble blowing doggie toy. It is made by Little Tykes and I guess it only works with Little Tykes bubbles...... grr. Anywayz then we went to the mall and got Jarrod a new wallet. He wanted one that was flat with no clip. Mahna played at the playplace for a little while but wanted me to do everything with her. Sometimes she is social and sometimes not. Plus she was sleepy. Tomorrow I have a house to clean then hopefully going to the park w/ L.L. and her cuties. OK Well Casey is back now so he probably wants me to get off his computer. Hope you enjoyed this retarted post!