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Couldn't think of a title, don't have time to worry about it. Mahna is napping but not for long. i am cramming in two days of bible study in THE FRAZZLED FEMALE which seems so far to be an enlightening study we are doing in MOPS, some emailing which I haven't done in a couple days, a quick blog entry, check the bank account, hopefully vaccuum the living room, clean Mahna's room and finish laundry??? okay it is wishful thinking, but I am going to try! I noticed yesterday that some women who are older and have enormous bosom are the best huggers. I also noticed that men are more picky about their toilet bowl being clean than women because they stare down into it so much! hahahahhahahh Thanks for reading adios

Success!!!!!!!!!

Mahna stayed in the nursery today! Not just for church but for Sunday School too! I got a page to go to the nursery after church was over and I thought she was being too fussy again, but nope, she was playing on the floor with one of the nursery workers. I think it made a difference that last week at the 6:30 service there were only two teenage girls working. This time there was older women and one woman who was really nice and friendly. I did worry about her here and there but I tried to turn my focus back to what I was there for. And afterward my mom went to the nursery w/ me to pick her up and she just clung to my mom and didn't want me at all so I guess she was mad at me, or maybe just really wanting my mom! :)

blogger envy

I am having a pity party, so indulge me or just stop reading now.

Other people have lots of comments on their blog, every time they write. I sometimes write 3 entries before anyone comments. Maybe it is because I write about things that there is nothing to comment about. Or maybe no one reads my blog. Who ever said being a house wife means that your world gets very small, they were right. I am fighting against this though. I go to MOPS at Lakeland and am damn determined to go to church at Crossroads at least for now, at least to give it a fair chance. Mahna got kicked out of the nursery tonight when I tried to go, because she was crying. So it will be a challenge, no doubt, but I am determined. Not for social reasons, but because I want her to have sunday school and all that on a regular basis. I want to give her some forms of stability, since I myself am a basket case who can't seem to stick with anything long enough to make it matter. I am angry at myself, but I am not punishing myself, I just want to fix the things I do not like. For me, I want to fix them. I want to like who I am and be secure in who I am so I don't have to alter my words thoughts ideas to please someone else. i want to be a rock. How is that for a goal?
I am staying this past friday thru monday at my parents house, "babysitting" anna and franky. It has been quite fun, really. I do miss Jarrod, who is enjoying having a bed all to himself and listening to music loud at all hours of the night like he always did before Mahna was born. I don't think it is horrible to have a few day break once in a while. On the second night I stayed here we talked on the phone for 66 minutes in the middle of the night. That was fun.... it was like old times when I was still in Utah and he was here and we only saw eachother every 2 months. He drove at night then (job) and we would talk all night long, once for four hours....... he had quite an enormous cell phone bill. I think it might have been like $400 once. I had a really huge long distance bill too. Anyways. I guess I knew to marry him because of all those long conversations so far away..... well Mahna is awake. Goodnight.

HALLOWEEN!!!!!

`Costume time is coming! I am sooooooo excited cuz Nikki told me about this awesome website that has every costume you can think of and they have tons of BABY costumes so yippee!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to share the website so everyone can get their costumes early enough!

www.buycostumes.com

commercial

I would like to pass on some lovely information about two new products I recently discovered. It is quite possible the rest of the world already knows about them, but I am passing them on nonetheless.

#1 is Johnson and Johnson Baby Vapor bath
This is basically vicks bubble bath. It is so awesome!!! What could be better than soaking in a warm bath with vicks bubbles when you have a cold or stuffy nose???? I have been using it for mahna for a few days, but I think it is just as awesome for adults. Available at Walmart for like $3.50. I would like to thank JANA for always knowing the latest baby gizmos and passing on the info to me!

#2 Wood Oil
I am not going to reccommend any certain brand of this but I bought the cheapest one for about $2.50 (at Walmart of course). I got the one with lemon oil. It advertises to be used on wood, so I polished up my piano with it, which is pitiful looking all scratched up and has rings from people's glasses being set on it. Well it sure does look a HECK of a lot better now! I can't believe how much "oiling it up" did for it's appearance! So now I am obsessed with OILING PEOPLE'S WOOD. Yes, every house that I clean I am scoping out a piece of furniture that is oilable. By the way I did it just like dusting, just a little oil on a cloth scrub a dub! AND as an added bonus the oil also takes soap scum right off shower doors and handles! I have been looking forever to find something to do that, and who would have thought lemon oil would be the thing???

That is all for now my 30 second commercial.

another weekend gone

It is 11 at night and I just now realized today was the four year anniversary of nine eleven. I wonder if it was not on the news or if i just wasn't watching the news???

I have been trying for over a week now to print and send pictures to a few people whom I think might care to have printed pictures from Mahna's first birthday. I am very tired...... Mahna was up like every HOUR last night. I tried holding her and laying her on my chest to sleep, which she really liked but I couldn't sleep then and I would move around too much for her to stay asleep very long. I think I was awake from 3-5 a.m. straight, just thinking and struggling to keep her and I both comfy. She has a bad cough and stuffy nose. So I finally got her to sleep next to me later like around 9 this morning or something and she slept til about 12:30. Jarrod always sleeps in on the weekends, so he was very suprised we were still in bed with him when he woke up.

I spent the afternoon at the in-laws playing with Tina and Katherine (my nieces) which was fun, then we went to wally world to get a humidifier for MaHna and look at halloween costumes and decorations for an hour or so. So far I haven't found a costume small enough for my poopkins. I think I need to check out Once Upon A Child before they get too picked over.

Yesterday we went to a party at CinCin's and it was really fun!!!!! All us women folk hung out outside talking about babies and stuff like hair products etc. The men stayed inside watching the Longhorns WIN. There was some yummy food and I got to drink Smirnoff Ice.mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I didn't go to church. I figured they wouldn't let Mahna in the nursery with a cough like she has. maybe next weekend........... Hopefully she will be feeling much better by then!

So there ya go......... another weekend gone.

Do I talk about Mahna too much?

I notice that every post is about her. Maybe I should find other things to discuss also? But while we are on the subject of her (haha) she is very grumpy the last two days. She seems to be throwing fits about everything. She no longer has a fever, but I know she is still teething, she hates ORAJEL (the numbing teething stuff) and has changed from my sweet baby who would always take her medicine easily, into a baby who spits it all over me when I give her tylenol. I got to quite a point of frustration being home with her all day yesterday. We did go to the lake for a little while with Jarrod during his lunch break, but then the rest of the afternoon just seemed to go on and on and on and the house seemed so small. It was like we ran out of things to do or play with and she was cranky so I just felt like I couldn't make her happy. She got two naps so I dont' think she was tired, ugh... it sucks just not knowing what to do. My mom watched her about 6 hours today while I cleaned and ironed for a customer. I have never ironed so much in my life and my back is KILLING ME!!! But I am glad to have money for groceries etc now. I felt bad that Mahna was so grumpy for my mom today, but I am glad my mom is so sweet about it and loves her so much. Mahna also hasn't been sleeping very well. I still have not put her in her crib, and at bedtime I never want to, but in the middle of the night I sure wish I would have. But then when she starts sleeping in her crib won't she still wake up every few hours in pain because of her teeth or wanting to nurse? Where is my instruction manual???

On other kiddo news....... Gold turned SEVEN years old today! My gosh! And in celebration of his birthday I would like to thank a few people. My parents, Kendra, Franky and Anna for being so supportive and not manipulative or selfish about his adoption, then and now. Lynne and Kelly for really taking on the role of parenting and giving it 100% of themselves for him. Brent for being there to help me break the news to my parents that I was pregnant at 18 years old, I will never forget you for that. My friends who care to ask about him and who stay positive for my mental sake. You all rock!

Gold will be celebrating with a open house party and took popsicles to school today. I asked him what his favorite part about his birthday was and he said THE PARTY! Which I thought was very cool that he didn't say THE PRESENTS! :) He is a smart amazing kid and I am truly glad I gave birth to him seven years ago today.

THE END

not too shabby

Well the weekend wasn't HORRIBLE like I thought it would be. I went to the DR and he gave me free medicine, so that was kewl. I made it home in time (from the DR) to put Mahna in the stroller and walk up the street for the "Western Days Parade". I figured we would stay a few minutes and walk back home, but she really loved it! We made it just in time for the beginning and it took about 30 min. to pass by. She loved the girls twirling flags, the marching band, and the horses. She got to eat a sucker which she smeared all over her face and enjoyed thoroughly. It made me look forward to the future and all the things we can do while she is a kiddo. I see how having a kid can give you a good excuse to do things you might feel silly doing otherwise, even though it would be perfectly fine to go to a local parade just because. The rest of the weekend Mahna has been pretty pitiful. She has a fever from teething, diaper issues from her antibiotic and just kind of limpness from fever and pain medicine and lack of sleep. I have spaceyness from medicine, lack of sleep and too much FOOD. How does that fit in? Well we had dinner at my parents' house after swimming. Yummy stuff and fun to see everyone loving Mahna so much. It seemed like the first time she forgot about feel crappy today while she was in the pool...................................................... ENUF FOR NOW>>>>ADIOS

Chancy Choice and depression

Hello again. As you may notice we got Mahna's ears pierced for her birthday. I have been debating it ever since she was tiny. I would say NO way am I getting her ears pierced, then well, maybe I will........ Well together Jarrod and I decided we would go for it on her bday. She was amazing. She totally didn't get upset. She got spooked for just a minute and then was fine as soon as she got her sucker. I felt like the worst mom sitting there getting her ears pierced. The girl who did it (at Piercing Pagoda) was so professional. I am really glad we didn't go to Claires. I guess I feel the need to explain my reasoning behind getting her ears pierced at one year old. I figure at this young of an age she woulnd't notice them very much and I can take good care of them for her and let them heal before she is old enough to mess with them. She has not even TOUCHED them since they got pierced...which amazes me. I have seen my niece go through several ear piercings..... and she is 9 now and does not have pierced ears anymore but has so much scar tissue from them being pierced and closing up weeks or months later that she might not ever have normal pierced ears. I also figure with a little glimmer of hope that if she doesn't remember the feeling of being pierced maybe she won't catch the piercing/self mutilation bug that I had. Not that I am really against piercing or regret any of my piercings... but the self destructive desire to HURT myself, that was not good. Blah blah blah....... my problems are minute and unimportant. I am so hooked on watching the news about New Orleans right now I am literally obsessed. I am home watching on TV, I am in the car listening. I am on the phone discussing......... It's just so sad. So horribly devastating.
But back to my meaning less problems. I am depressed for myself on top of Louisiana, because we had planned to go to Austin to celebrateKendra's bday tomorrow and then go to San Antonio to visit Jana Sun and Monday. Well I can't go now!!!!!!!!!! It is my own choice, but I am trying to be responsible. I caught a cold/sinus infection this past weekend and it is getting worse. I am going to the DR tomorrow but even getting medicine tomorrow isn't enough to ensure I wouldn't be contagious to Jana and her family. She has two little kiddos who I would feel so horrible for getting sick. I guess I am a wierdo because no one else seems to understand why I don't want to spread my germs around to healthy people. Maybe my conscious is out of control! haha. Anyway I am really upset because I have been looking forward to this weekend for over a month and now it is ruined. Not to mention I have to go to the DR and spend every penny I made this week to get myself healthy. (no insurance) Oh well........ life goes on, and shame on me for pitying myself when there are people sleeping in mounds of people in convention centers and arenas, with little hope of ever recovering their earthly belongings and some of them mourning lost loved ones. It weighs heavy on your heart, doesn't it?

happy birthday mahna!!!!!!!!

The first pic was the last of the day and she had just HAD ENOUGH! :) Also her playing with the monkey auntie anna got her, playing by the pool and at the bottom, picking out a bday present at toys are us with daddy. He was determined to do this and after over an hour of debating and trying to figure out what she liked, she actually got something that she has not stopped playing with!

Today is Mahna's ACTUAL first birthday. It is amazing to me that a year has gone by... I have more to say but my little one year old is demanding my assistance!!!

birthday party pictures!!!!!

I don't know why I can't get the pictures to be straight up and down instead of sideways!!! Well here are some pics from Mahna's first bday party. We had a little luau as you can see and she had a hula barbie cake which me my mom and anna made. It was so fun. She really stayed in a great mood the whole time and actually played with every present she got. Jarrod helped her open them all and put them all together. I have tons more pictures, but can only put five at a time on. So check back soon for more!!! My baby is growing up so fast!!!!

call it a mood swing

Here is a pic of me and Mahna at the lake... I wanted it on the post the other day but I had too many pictures already. That was just two weeks ago and she already seems older to me. She is at such a fun age right now, though. But I am thinking, considering Baby # Two. I know everyone says this, but I want them to be close in age, like Kendra and I are and be able to be playmates. Then I go back to the downside, of can two kids that close in age get enough ONE ON ONE attention??? So many choices... So much to think about. Mahna is sitting across the table from me right now singing "mama mama mama" and eating green beans and pasta. She has another ear infection, or more like the other one just didn't completely heal. She is good at taking her medicine, though. Thank goodness they make it TASTY.

Now for my mood swing:
I am sad because someone I know is dying soon, My uncle Kenn and he is going to leave my aunt becky very sad and very alone.

I am angry and hurt because someone I trust lied to me just yesterday and I don't even know if he realized what he did...And I am not sure I can bring it up without it turning into TOO big of a deal.

I am depressed when I think of the world being such a place of pleasure chasers.

I am scared and lonely when I feel like I am just a big loser and there will always be someone THROWING MY PAST IN MY FACE, therefor I am stupid to think that I can move on from it and be something bigger. In all actuality everyone still sees that I was who I was and always will be.

What is it that I WANT anyway??? I don't know. I expect too much and wear rose colored goggles and pity party more than necessary.

pictures from recent days

the beach we "discovered" in Galveston. It is officially OURS now haha

My lovely sistahs!

My grandma's foster kittens. Anyone want one???
Mahna as a LAKE BABY!!! (Lewisville Lake)

thoughts on voyeurs

I have no idea if I spellt that write. haha. I have heard thru the grapevine that there are a few people who read my blog who don't comment. I knew it was true but it is always GREAT to hear that anyone is reading my blog! So spy on me all you want. Obviously if I am spilling my guts on the internet I am not being too secretive. Haha. Some days are more honest than others.

One time when I was maybe 11 or 12 I remember looking in my aunt/uncle's freezer for a snack and there was a ceramic container so I opened it and there was like a whole bunch of MONEY in it. I kind of wanted to take some, but I have always had a conscience. I thought that was pretty sneaky to hide it in the freezer tho. Who would ever look there? (unless they needed a snack)

I went "garage saling" w/ my momma and mahna today. Twas fun! We got Mahna tons of clothes and toys and books and movies. More than any one child ever really needs. Maybe I should have five more just to even out all the STUFF she owns. My parents are both very generous and doting on their granddaughter.

Jarrod came swimming w/ me and Mahna at my mom's house for his 2 1/2 hour lunch break. He has an awesome new route. It has really been fun to have him around during the afternoons (when I am not cleaning someone elses house). He and I were having competition swimming to the diving toys in the pool. He is much faster than me but I don't give up. And I figure one of these days his smoking will catch up with him and I will be the WINNER!!! My biggest drawback is that I never learned to hold my breath under water, so I am in a constant state of almost drowning, while playing in the deep end.

Off to Galveston tomorrow!! JOY JOY!

no time?

I don't know why but when I sit down to blog it seems like it will take SO long, but if I JUST sat down to blog instead of reading emails and looking at my bank account it would probably take the same amount of time. I think of things to write in my blog all day long sometimes, but they are gone from my memory by the time I sit here.

Jarrod and I went to a hispanic church on Sunday. It was very interesting to say the least. I know that to say "it was interesting" is a very WHITE thing to say. Those people were so LOOSE and free and worshippy. They all take their kids in the service. They all hug and kiss and talk talk talk. Why are white people so stiff? Can I change my family background or must I just find a way to be proud of it? By this I do not mean my "personal family" just being white. ahha. At one point during the TWO hour service (because of baptism) I took Mahna out to change her diaper and give her a snack. At least three people came by in the lobby while we were just sitting there playing, and kissed her! I just love how family oriented and tight these people were. I wish I could go back every week but.......... it is almost an hour away. Maybe I will find another hispanic church closer to home. I figure it is about time to "find" a church I want to stick with since Mahna is almost one year old. I would like for her to go to Sunday school and meet other kiddos and learn bible verses, and the other things that were my foundation as a child. Jarrod doesn't want me to "force' her to go to church when she is a teenager, but heck I don't force him... not like I can force him to do anything. We will see when the time comes. I freely admit that my biggest fault is not having "stick-to-it-iveness". I only stuck with weight watchers 4 months, for instance..... But anyday now I will get back on the bandwagon. And any day now I will make up my mind to go to church every Sunday. Although I do talk to God all the time, so at least I am n ot that far off the map, that is until I go to church and feel like a stranger in a new school.

I am almost done with Memoirs of a Geisha. What an amazing story. If you ever wanted to know what a Geisha girl really is, well it tells you down to the last detail. They are not prostitutes by the way! I think I might dress as one for Halloween. I don't know what I am dressing Mahna as yet. She doesn't really CARE yet so I guess it is still up to me. Last year I was the pumpkin fairy and she was a pumpkin. Someone else came up with that idea and I thought it was purdy cute!

Well Jarrod should be home soon, so I should shower. I cleaned for 6 hours today (at someone else's house) and then went swimming at my mom's house. Mahna is napping. I just ate a piece of leftover frozen pizza. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. No good mail came today. Sniff Sniff. I need more pen pals. So this weekend we are going to Galveston and Mahna will be in the hands of my mom and grandma.... I am nervous to leave her for two days and overnight! I knwo they are very capable but it is still a frightening WHAT IF feeling. Next weekend we celebrate her first birthday!!! The weekend after we are going to Austin and San Antonio to visit Kendra for her big 24th bday and then Jana and her family. Yippee! Plans!

p.s . Mahna's newest word is "OUT" she wants to get OUT of everything even if she really means IN. She is just so proud to be saying a word so clearly!

poor babykins

Poor Mahna. She got another fever last night after I blogged... and was up and down all night. The highest one was 202.6. That freaked me out but the "book" said it is normal and okay. So I gave her tylenol rock rock rock and hold her poor little hot body crying and throwing herself around because she is SO tired... Jarrod slept on the couch so he could get some sleep to get up for work. I think he slept better than he has in a while, so I probably really should work on getting her into her crib and out of our bed. I just keep thinking "one more night.....". Anyway. I took her to the DR and she has a double ear infection and a little cold. So she is sleeping now then we will make our trek to Wally world for her medicine.

I am on ch. 9 of Memoirs of a Geisha. The main character is about 12 yrs old now and has been a maid in the okiya for over two years. She just got word that her parents are both dead now and has started making steps toward a better life for herself instead of slavery as a maid. She met a Geisha who told her about reading her "charts" which I guess is like astrology, so she can know when to do certain things like it tells you if today would be a good day to move, date, etc. I also finally figured out that the book takes place in Gion in 1929. I had been wondering what year it was supposed to be about.

Jarrod and Casey both have jet ski's now. Casey bought one yesterday. They also both have long lunch breaks during the day. Casey has been coming home from noon to four then going back to work til 8 but now Jarrod changed routes so he is home from about 12:30 til 3 and then back to work until 7pm. They both leave around 9 in the mornings...

More pictures soon, I have to go READ now since Mahna is still sleeping....

just life

Life is just going along....... so fast. Mahna is almost a year old and it makes me want to cry. Her life and mine together are going to fly by and I just love her so much and try to treasure every moment, but sometimes I look back at her newborn pictures and think can't I just have a few minutes of that back to REALLY glue it into my memory? I have always had such a bad memory(ASK NIKKI OR KIMMY) and well I just am thankful to have a camera and video camera to save as much of the memories as I can.

I have tried to blog about three days in a row now with no luck....... baby keepin me hoppin. She woke up w/ a runny nose and fever today. First fever ever. It sort of freaked me out. But I read in "what to expect the first year" (at 6 a.m. I might add) that most fevers are no big deal and can be reduced easily with tylenol and cool air. So I took off her pj's, gave her a popsicle in front of the a/c and a little tylenol. It was gone in 30 minutes. whew! I just always hear about people taking their kids to the e.r. when they have fevers, so I didn't know if that is what I was supposed to do....

I am very engrossed in a book right now. I am on chapter 6 I think...... It is called "Memoirs of a Geisha". I can't explain how intrigueing this book is but I don't see how it wouldn't catch anyones attention if they gave it about 20 minutes.

Okay Mahna is crying for me......more later.

more pictures!

First picture is our kitty SCOUT as a "nun". He didn't like it much.

then close up of Mahna, Mahna in my parents pool, Mahna "talking" on my cell phone (SO CUTE!!!!!) and the jet ski we might possibly buy! I hope it runs and all that jazz, that would be so fun to get up on saturday and go to the lake! It is a 1988. 17 years old........

Thanks for peekin! I promise to write more soon.

picture time!

The picture of Jarrod pointing to his mouth, he was saying "why do u always kiss your dolls and the duck, but not me???"

The one of her by the water machine is where she goes to "hide" at my mom's house.

The one in the car seat is her "mean face" which she makes all the time.

3 kids and a lemonade stand

Yesterday I had my neices over for about ten hours. This was not a planned thing, as they were supposed to be visiting Casey, but he has no idea how to entertain them. SO I am their choice and I took on the challenge. It started out as a conversation between Katherine (9 yrs) and I on the way to WallyWorld. She wants her own room, separate from her 6 yr old sister, but can't move into her grandparents spare room until she gets the things she needs to decorate it. This includes paint ($20), a new bedspread ($30), and a TV stand ($?). So I mentioned that she should offer to do little chores for people for a dollar or two here and there and she could save up pretty easily. Then I spouted out "or u could have a lemonade stand......" Well let's just say my day was pretty much over then. I would spend the next couple hours getting lemonade, borrowing a cooler, helping make a poster, getting Mahna down for a nap and listening to. I wonder how much money we will make, we should do this, we should say that, when is Mahna waking up, why does she have to sleep so long why can't she just sleep at the lemonade stand, is it almost time to go, i hope I make lots and lots of money........ Let me just say non stop talking. It is cute, though, of course, just amazing what nonstop one sided conversation can do to turn your stress level up a notch or two. We had fun though. Our original intention was to go to Central Park where there is ALWAYS a hundred million people. Um, not yesterday, maybe it was because by the time we got there it was 5:30 pm or maybe it was because it was 98 degrees? Who knows but I went into panic mode. I thought I am NOT going thru all this crap again and starting over another day. WE MUST FIND A PLACE TO SELL AT LEAST ONE CUP OF LEMONADE!!! Katherine says "where would people be on such a hot day"? DING DING DING a pool! Okay so we go by the aquatic center, but there is no where to really set up discreetly. So we drove to my parents neighborhood (Kendra can say it right "Wehhhhhhhhlington") and set up on the median between the community pool and neighborhoods. I think it warmed a lot of people's hearts to see a lemonade stand. Some people stopped and gave them their change or a dollar and didn't even want lemonade. Some lady went on and on about how hot she was from being at the lake. Lots of people came by walking their dogs, but none of them had change for lemonade. The girls offered to give THEM free lemonade. So after about 90 minutes of this, during which I sort of stayed back with mahna, the girl's faces were bright red and they had sweat covering their scalps. Still they say "five more minutes? We might get another customer!". Too cute. So we finally came back and they had millions more ideas to do before their grandparents finally came to get them around 9:30. Make a video, do a news report, put on a concert, paint, draw, wash the cars, play in the hose....... Meanwhile I pretty much had Mahna in my arm the entire time and today it is super sore. Oh well, it was fun and I am sure will be some kind of memory for my neices. 3 kids for me? Hmm I dunno about that. I think I like giving Mahna my full attention 95% of the time instead. But then again she really enjoyed watching everything the girls did...... pros and cons, pros and cons.