pictures again!!!!!!!!!!!!

pictures ! bout time eh?

tis cold YO

Short post: My injury was to my elbow (retarted eh) and it is okay now, although an old shoulder injury sort of came back with the wreck so I wish I had some anti inflammatory or pain medicine. Oh well........ someday. Mahna was not in the car when I wrecked. THANK YOU LORD! She would have got her little head jerked back and forth when we spun around. She did however get strep on Tuesday and has been up a lot with fever etc and has two ear infections. Poor baby. She did a lot better today and hopefully tonight I will get lots more sleep. It is soooooooooooo cold man! And gas heaters really freak me out! Friday is Tina's 7th bday party at Crystal's Pizza. It is also the day I was supposed to be organizing a potluck for MOPS but Tina is more important to me. MEMOIRS of A GEISHA comes out so hopefully saturday or sunday or monday me and grandma can go see it. We both read the book in the same month, so have been looking forward to the movie. It has been a bizy week even tho I only cleaned one house this week. Next week I have FOUR so I will be buzy but temporarily rich. Haha. I hope to finish Christmas shopping next week. The only person I have no clue what to get for is my brother. Maybe a gift card? OFF SUBJECT: Did anyone watch the finale of BIGGEST LOSER last Tuesday? I really wish I knew someone who had recorded it so I could watch it.

stupid black cloud

YEA i have a black cloud when it comes to my car. i wish sooooooooooooooooo hard for public transportation. Tonight I got SMASHED into by another car while driving my grandma to her car, about a 5 minute total trip! My whole driver side is ruined! I can't even open my door. I got a minor injury but HELLO no health insurance so no doctor. Sure this would be all fine and dandy if I had had my HEADLIGHTS ON. Then maybe I could have got my car fixed with HIS insurance money and gone to the DR on his dime. BUT NO I am an idiot and didn't have my headlights on so we had to call it good even though he slammed thru a stop sign and smashed my car and did NOTHING TO HIS (oh maybe a scratch on his big ass bumper). SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tired of Coughing

Ugh, sick for a few days now and why does it seem like it is getting worse and not better? I hate coughing!!!!!!! Can anyone get me some decent cough medicine????? :) Poor Mahna has the bad cough too. I really don't think humidifiers help worth a crap. Some people seem to be firm believers in them, but I just haven't seen any help out of it. And because of her young age and small size she can't really take any USEFUL medicines.

I am working on my Christmas shopping. Jarrod is forbidding me of spending much money, but I really want to buy everyone EVERYTHING. I don't know if this is a "gift" or if it is a mental problem? haha.

Mommy got me the Willow Tree Nativity scene and it is on top of our TV and it looks purdy. I really love Christmas time and all the music and just general good feeling. Of course I say this now, but then every year at this time I find myself drinking or feeling depressed out of my mind and both times I have gotten pregnant were at this time of the year. Not trying to say that getting pregnant has been a BAD thing just sometimes things happen out of depression leading to recklessnes... WHEW too much honesty, better sign off.

over it

Ok I am over it. No more pity party for me. I am over it.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! :) Hope everyone is enjoying the fellowship of family togetherness. Family get togethers are my all time favorite thing. I never would have thought when I was 13 that I would say that now. BUT seriously I love my siblings they are so much fun and my grandma is one of my best friends and my parents are awesome and my mom is like a best friend. I like all of us being in one place. I used to like it when all my aunts uncles grandparents etc cousins etc would go to lake of the ozarks in the summertime, too. It just feels good to have so many blood relatives together. Now there are a few relatives I don't look so forward to seeing, but the general feeling is still the same. Things just changed some in our family after Mimi died in the car accident.

I also got a sweet phone call from Nikki today and from my cuzin Cynthia, which was cool!

Anywaysssssssssssssss. Foods good and family wine and football are good. TOODLES FOR NOW

depression

For those of you who didn't see my last post from a day or two ago, I put some pics of Mahna in her halloween costume and a pic of her and Gold from October. Some people may look right past that pic and not realize it is Mahna sitting there with her hand on her 1/2 brother's knee. It is one of my favorite pictures ever, just one of those moments that magically got captured.

This leads me into my depression subject. I spent the morning crying and having a pity party for caroline because Gold is not coming for Thanksgiving. I find out two days before hand. This just sucks and I am just sad.

BUT I have to pull myself out of this sadness. If I live with a dark cloud in my mind, I will go mad. There is nothing worse than trying to make it through a day, singing here and there to brighten the mood, but slowly in creeps this fog. A few moments later I am listening to Metallica and wishing I could close my eyes while I drive. Hopefully this is just a one day thing. I LOGICALLY know and understand that I have soooooooo much to be thankful for. I have NOTHING to be sad about. Life could be so much worse, so many things are such huge blessings in my life. I am so lucky for my whole life my family my daughter my parents my husband............. Things have turned out so awesome for me and it is horrible to feel sorry for myself EVER! I have a 1/2 belief in chemical misfires in the brain I guess, I think more than anything I want to not think of that possibility becakuse denial is much easier than acceptance or facing possible truth.........................................................................................

pics

here u go

They come in more than THREES

Bad things, well I am now living proof they come in more than 3's. It is funny because a few weeks ago Jarrod got a ticket. I told him he better watch out because there were two more bad things on the way. A few days later I got a ticket. A day or so after that I screwed up my bank account and got overdrafts. A few days ago I screwed up my account again. Today I got another ticket. (n0t to mention all the bad luck things that have happened in between) So basically I am having a black cloud over my head month. It is becoming very hard not to feel sorry for myself. The thing is that I feel sorry for myself because I am acting like such an idiot! I am not even on drugs!!!!!!!!! I just keep making mistake after mistake. And then I am telling my family/friends these things and thinking "why am I telling them? why do I want them (and now all of you) to know what an idiot I am being?" I do not argue with police officers but the one who pulled me over today was a sly one. He tried to say that I was going 8 miles faster than I was. Then when I asked to see his radar he lowered it four miles and tried to play nice. When I called him on it again he got defensive about how if I took it to court it would be my "civilian word against his 10 yrs of experience and 80 hours of training". I was speeding and did deserve a ticket. But not for 18 over.......only for TEN over. I thought it was 45 and I was going 50. It was actually 40 and he 'said' I was going 18 over. I am not that young u beefcake head. Oh well. Anyone remember the song by Garbage......."STUPID GIRL"? It's been my theme song off and on for years.

My sister, the nanny

I am guiltily blogging right now because Anna is watching Mahna in the next room. She must feel like I "dump" Mahna on her every time we are together. I was rather envious this weekend when at my friend Jana's house in San Antonio. Her 9 month old is content to play on the floor by herself. She crawls around and smiles constantly. I feel guilty for being jealous but I can never just leave Mahna playing on the floor and walk off to do what I need to get done. Then again........ Brook is Jana's second baby so maybe that is the difference. I have trained Mahna, unintentionally, to need me or someone constantly with her. It is good in some ways. I like to think positively that this forces me to not take for granted her short little childhood and to savor the memories.

We had an awesome weekend.......... I thought we wouldn't ever get there, so much drama happend before we left. I realized at 9:30 pm the night before that I had only 16 dollars in my bank account. I had overdrawn it while Nikki was in town and had NO idea. SO I call Kendra to say don't bother coming to watch Frank if u don't want to so they turned around and went back. Meanwhile Jana and Chris call us a million times talking us into coming anyway and they would pay for gas. It was a back and forth ordeal alllllll night.

I would embellish more but Mahna is on my lap now and I can't type....................

oky doky

i promise to post pictures soon. i have so many! i will narrow it down to the recent past.

don't know how my family would feel about me posting my thoughts on franky drama.

I will let u in on a little of my own drama............ soon

thanks u all

Thanks Brent and Lara for reading a commenting! That was a nice suprise.
Too bad no one needs this computer desk!!!

Well Austin was fun this weekend except for the drama, but we won't talk about that part.

Mahna's room looks SO awesome now. I am so happy that Jarrod and Casey put the carpet in. I know it was a lot of work. It looks so much better and smells so great! Jarrod also got one of the clear baby gates so my cats cant go in there anymore and tinkle. Yippee!!! Mahna loves it! And it is like a big play room now instead of a cramped up bedroom that she never even slept in. We have the crib in our room so it is a little crampy in ours but we spend WAY more time in hers!

Say a little prayer for my brother, he really needs all the guardian angels he can get watching out for him.

free stuff

YO homeys. Anyone left reading? haha. Well I am getting rid of a computer desk so if anyone is interested call me, email me or just come by my house. I may be just putting it out by the curb. There is NOTHING wrong with it, I just don't have anywhere to store it and I need to put Mahna's crib in my room so we can put in new carpet and have more room for guests etc. FREEEEEEEEEEEEEE COMPUTER DESK!!!!!!!!! any takers???

nothing to say

I have nothing much to say. It is 11 pm and I am tired. I would like to go to bed, but I would also like to write 4 people letters. I have been screwing around on the internet for over an hour now and it is just precious non-baby time that I am wasting. I have to wake up early to take Mahna to the DR tomorrow to get a recheck on her ears and weight. I have no houses to clean until Friday. This feels very strange to have four days in a row at home with Mahna. We had fun today. We went on a walk (she rode in the wagon) and then we came home and I put her in the stroller and we went on a walk to the vegetable market on mill street. We got some peppers, a tomatoe and some "new" potatoes. They looked yummy but I don't know why they have that name. We also got a loaf of sun dried tomatoe bread but it's not very good. Too dry and not very tomatoeish.

26 years young

Well I had a WONDERFUL birthday. My family treated me like gold and swarmed me with loving words as always........ Mahna was adorable and well it was just an awesome day. Tomorrow we are off on a family voyage to a funeral in Kansas City. My uncle Kenn passed away today.

haha

Yea, I guess it was pretty ironic to say I am squeezing in blogging between housechores when I am doing the "frazzled female" study. Funny I didn't see it that way when I wrote it! I actually think the goofy thing is that I felt the need to BLOG. but this is my connection to some people, and I enjoy keeping this semi-journal of thoughts or events. It may be fun for Mahna to read someday, my thoughts and daily routines while she was just a tiny tike.

Jarrod mentioned "baby #2" tonight. haven't heard that one in a while. I told him before if we want them 2 yrs apart I would be getting pregnant around December.......... Now I don't know. I can't really imagine my stress level with having two. I also don't know if I could clean houses having two kids. I mean, maybe Mahna could go to work with daddy and the baby could go to gma or my moms........... But everything is working out so well right now and I just love my time with Mahna. I hate to take attention away from her with a new demanding needy baby. She is my little princess! how could I downgrade that??? (do I sound like I am asking for convincing?)

So anyway I am really really enjoying a couple hours of quietness now. I was with Mahna and my two neices (age 6 and 9) for 12 hours straight today. We had a blast, and I got frustrated here and there, but it was a good good day. I just can't believe NOW that it is 11 something at night how peacefully Mahna is sleeping (worn out!) and how much I am just truly enjoying silence. I have the TV muted. I enjoyed an hour long phone call with my sister, I FINALLY did my sinkfull of dishes, my kitchen is clean, the house clutter free (mostly) and I have been reading posts in chat rooms or whatever they are called on babycenter. com about weaning and extended breastfeeding. I never have time to do more than email quickly, short blog or check the bank account. So it was cool to read some comments from strangers about what they are going thru with their kids the same age as Mahna....

I think I might crash now.......... night night

asd;lfkjasdopijblekmal;skdnnfoi

Couldn't think of a title, don't have time to worry about it. Mahna is napping but not for long. i am cramming in two days of bible study in THE FRAZZLED FEMALE which seems so far to be an enlightening study we are doing in MOPS, some emailing which I haven't done in a couple days, a quick blog entry, check the bank account, hopefully vaccuum the living room, clean Mahna's room and finish laundry??? okay it is wishful thinking, but I am going to try! I noticed yesterday that some women who are older and have enormous bosom are the best huggers. I also noticed that men are more picky about their toilet bowl being clean than women because they stare down into it so much! hahahahhahahh Thanks for reading adios

Success!!!!!!!!!

Mahna stayed in the nursery today! Not just for church but for Sunday School too! I got a page to go to the nursery after church was over and I thought she was being too fussy again, but nope, she was playing on the floor with one of the nursery workers. I think it made a difference that last week at the 6:30 service there were only two teenage girls working. This time there was older women and one woman who was really nice and friendly. I did worry about her here and there but I tried to turn my focus back to what I was there for. And afterward my mom went to the nursery w/ me to pick her up and she just clung to my mom and didn't want me at all so I guess she was mad at me, or maybe just really wanting my mom! :)

blogger envy

I am having a pity party, so indulge me or just stop reading now.

Other people have lots of comments on their blog, every time they write. I sometimes write 3 entries before anyone comments. Maybe it is because I write about things that there is nothing to comment about. Or maybe no one reads my blog. Who ever said being a house wife means that your world gets very small, they were right. I am fighting against this though. I go to MOPS at Lakeland and am damn determined to go to church at Crossroads at least for now, at least to give it a fair chance. Mahna got kicked out of the nursery tonight when I tried to go, because she was crying. So it will be a challenge, no doubt, but I am determined. Not for social reasons, but because I want her to have sunday school and all that on a regular basis. I want to give her some forms of stability, since I myself am a basket case who can't seem to stick with anything long enough to make it matter. I am angry at myself, but I am not punishing myself, I just want to fix the things I do not like. For me, I want to fix them. I want to like who I am and be secure in who I am so I don't have to alter my words thoughts ideas to please someone else. i want to be a rock. How is that for a goal?
I am staying this past friday thru monday at my parents house, "babysitting" anna and franky. It has been quite fun, really. I do miss Jarrod, who is enjoying having a bed all to himself and listening to music loud at all hours of the night like he always did before Mahna was born. I don't think it is horrible to have a few day break once in a while. On the second night I stayed here we talked on the phone for 66 minutes in the middle of the night. That was fun.... it was like old times when I was still in Utah and he was here and we only saw eachother every 2 months. He drove at night then (job) and we would talk all night long, once for four hours....... he had quite an enormous cell phone bill. I think it might have been like $400 once. I had a really huge long distance bill too. Anyways. I guess I knew to marry him because of all those long conversations so far away..... well Mahna is awake. Goodnight.

HALLOWEEN!!!!!

`Costume time is coming! I am sooooooo excited cuz Nikki told me about this awesome website that has every costume you can think of and they have tons of BABY costumes so yippee!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to share the website so everyone can get their costumes early enough!

www.buycostumes.com

commercial

I would like to pass on some lovely information about two new products I recently discovered. It is quite possible the rest of the world already knows about them, but I am passing them on nonetheless.

#1 is Johnson and Johnson Baby Vapor bath
This is basically vicks bubble bath. It is so awesome!!! What could be better than soaking in a warm bath with vicks bubbles when you have a cold or stuffy nose???? I have been using it for mahna for a few days, but I think it is just as awesome for adults. Available at Walmart for like $3.50. I would like to thank JANA for always knowing the latest baby gizmos and passing on the info to me!

#2 Wood Oil
I am not going to reccommend any certain brand of this but I bought the cheapest one for about $2.50 (at Walmart of course). I got the one with lemon oil. It advertises to be used on wood, so I polished up my piano with it, which is pitiful looking all scratched up and has rings from people's glasses being set on it. Well it sure does look a HECK of a lot better now! I can't believe how much "oiling it up" did for it's appearance! So now I am obsessed with OILING PEOPLE'S WOOD. Yes, every house that I clean I am scoping out a piece of furniture that is oilable. By the way I did it just like dusting, just a little oil on a cloth scrub a dub! AND as an added bonus the oil also takes soap scum right off shower doors and handles! I have been looking forever to find something to do that, and who would have thought lemon oil would be the thing???

That is all for now my 30 second commercial.

another weekend gone

It is 11 at night and I just now realized today was the four year anniversary of nine eleven. I wonder if it was not on the news or if i just wasn't watching the news???

I have been trying for over a week now to print and send pictures to a few people whom I think might care to have printed pictures from Mahna's first birthday. I am very tired...... Mahna was up like every HOUR last night. I tried holding her and laying her on my chest to sleep, which she really liked but I couldn't sleep then and I would move around too much for her to stay asleep very long. I think I was awake from 3-5 a.m. straight, just thinking and struggling to keep her and I both comfy. She has a bad cough and stuffy nose. So I finally got her to sleep next to me later like around 9 this morning or something and she slept til about 12:30. Jarrod always sleeps in on the weekends, so he was very suprised we were still in bed with him when he woke up.

I spent the afternoon at the in-laws playing with Tina and Katherine (my nieces) which was fun, then we went to wally world to get a humidifier for MaHna and look at halloween costumes and decorations for an hour or so. So far I haven't found a costume small enough for my poopkins. I think I need to check out Once Upon A Child before they get too picked over.

Yesterday we went to a party at CinCin's and it was really fun!!!!! All us women folk hung out outside talking about babies and stuff like hair products etc. The men stayed inside watching the Longhorns WIN. There was some yummy food and I got to drink Smirnoff Ice.mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

I didn't go to church. I figured they wouldn't let Mahna in the nursery with a cough like she has. maybe next weekend........... Hopefully she will be feeling much better by then!

So there ya go......... another weekend gone.

Do I talk about Mahna too much?

I notice that every post is about her. Maybe I should find other things to discuss also? But while we are on the subject of her (haha) she is very grumpy the last two days. She seems to be throwing fits about everything. She no longer has a fever, but I know she is still teething, she hates ORAJEL (the numbing teething stuff) and has changed from my sweet baby who would always take her medicine easily, into a baby who spits it all over me when I give her tylenol. I got to quite a point of frustration being home with her all day yesterday. We did go to the lake for a little while with Jarrod during his lunch break, but then the rest of the afternoon just seemed to go on and on and on and the house seemed so small. It was like we ran out of things to do or play with and she was cranky so I just felt like I couldn't make her happy. She got two naps so I dont' think she was tired, ugh... it sucks just not knowing what to do. My mom watched her about 6 hours today while I cleaned and ironed for a customer. I have never ironed so much in my life and my back is KILLING ME!!! But I am glad to have money for groceries etc now. I felt bad that Mahna was so grumpy for my mom today, but I am glad my mom is so sweet about it and loves her so much. Mahna also hasn't been sleeping very well. I still have not put her in her crib, and at bedtime I never want to, but in the middle of the night I sure wish I would have. But then when she starts sleeping in her crib won't she still wake up every few hours in pain because of her teeth or wanting to nurse? Where is my instruction manual???

On other kiddo news....... Gold turned SEVEN years old today! My gosh! And in celebration of his birthday I would like to thank a few people. My parents, Kendra, Franky and Anna for being so supportive and not manipulative or selfish about his adoption, then and now. Lynne and Kelly for really taking on the role of parenting and giving it 100% of themselves for him. Brent for being there to help me break the news to my parents that I was pregnant at 18 years old, I will never forget you for that. My friends who care to ask about him and who stay positive for my mental sake. You all rock!

Gold will be celebrating with a open house party and took popsicles to school today. I asked him what his favorite part about his birthday was and he said THE PARTY! Which I thought was very cool that he didn't say THE PRESENTS! :) He is a smart amazing kid and I am truly glad I gave birth to him seven years ago today.

THE END

not too shabby

Well the weekend wasn't HORRIBLE like I thought it would be. I went to the DR and he gave me free medicine, so that was kewl. I made it home in time (from the DR) to put Mahna in the stroller and walk up the street for the "Western Days Parade". I figured we would stay a few minutes and walk back home, but she really loved it! We made it just in time for the beginning and it took about 30 min. to pass by. She loved the girls twirling flags, the marching band, and the horses. She got to eat a sucker which she smeared all over her face and enjoyed thoroughly. It made me look forward to the future and all the things we can do while she is a kiddo. I see how having a kid can give you a good excuse to do things you might feel silly doing otherwise, even though it would be perfectly fine to go to a local parade just because. The rest of the weekend Mahna has been pretty pitiful. She has a fever from teething, diaper issues from her antibiotic and just kind of limpness from fever and pain medicine and lack of sleep. I have spaceyness from medicine, lack of sleep and too much FOOD. How does that fit in? Well we had dinner at my parents' house after swimming. Yummy stuff and fun to see everyone loving Mahna so much. It seemed like the first time she forgot about feel crappy today while she was in the pool...................................................... ENUF FOR NOW>>>>ADIOS

Chancy Choice and depression

Hello again. As you may notice we got Mahna's ears pierced for her birthday. I have been debating it ever since she was tiny. I would say NO way am I getting her ears pierced, then well, maybe I will........ Well together Jarrod and I decided we would go for it on her bday. She was amazing. She totally didn't get upset. She got spooked for just a minute and then was fine as soon as she got her sucker. I felt like the worst mom sitting there getting her ears pierced. The girl who did it (at Piercing Pagoda) was so professional. I am really glad we didn't go to Claires. I guess I feel the need to explain my reasoning behind getting her ears pierced at one year old. I figure at this young of an age she woulnd't notice them very much and I can take good care of them for her and let them heal before she is old enough to mess with them. She has not even TOUCHED them since they got pierced...which amazes me. I have seen my niece go through several ear piercings..... and she is 9 now and does not have pierced ears anymore but has so much scar tissue from them being pierced and closing up weeks or months later that she might not ever have normal pierced ears. I also figure with a little glimmer of hope that if she doesn't remember the feeling of being pierced maybe she won't catch the piercing/self mutilation bug that I had. Not that I am really against piercing or regret any of my piercings... but the self destructive desire to HURT myself, that was not good. Blah blah blah....... my problems are minute and unimportant. I am so hooked on watching the news about New Orleans right now I am literally obsessed. I am home watching on TV, I am in the car listening. I am on the phone discussing......... It's just so sad. So horribly devastating.
But back to my meaning less problems. I am depressed for myself on top of Louisiana, because we had planned to go to Austin to celebrateKendra's bday tomorrow and then go to San Antonio to visit Jana Sun and Monday. Well I can't go now!!!!!!!!!! It is my own choice, but I am trying to be responsible. I caught a cold/sinus infection this past weekend and it is getting worse. I am going to the DR tomorrow but even getting medicine tomorrow isn't enough to ensure I wouldn't be contagious to Jana and her family. She has two little kiddos who I would feel so horrible for getting sick. I guess I am a wierdo because no one else seems to understand why I don't want to spread my germs around to healthy people. Maybe my conscious is out of control! haha. Anyway I am really upset because I have been looking forward to this weekend for over a month and now it is ruined. Not to mention I have to go to the DR and spend every penny I made this week to get myself healthy. (no insurance) Oh well........ life goes on, and shame on me for pitying myself when there are people sleeping in mounds of people in convention centers and arenas, with little hope of ever recovering their earthly belongings and some of them mourning lost loved ones. It weighs heavy on your heart, doesn't it?

happy birthday mahna!!!!!!!!

The first pic was the last of the day and she had just HAD ENOUGH! :) Also her playing with the monkey auntie anna got her, playing by the pool and at the bottom, picking out a bday present at toys are us with daddy. He was determined to do this and after over an hour of debating and trying to figure out what she liked, she actually got something that she has not stopped playing with!

Today is Mahna's ACTUAL first birthday. It is amazing to me that a year has gone by... I have more to say but my little one year old is demanding my assistance!!!

birthday party pictures!!!!!

I don't know why I can't get the pictures to be straight up and down instead of sideways!!! Well here are some pics from Mahna's first bday party. We had a little luau as you can see and she had a hula barbie cake which me my mom and anna made. It was so fun. She really stayed in a great mood the whole time and actually played with every present she got. Jarrod helped her open them all and put them all together. I have tons more pictures, but can only put five at a time on. So check back soon for more!!! My baby is growing up so fast!!!!

call it a mood swing

Here is a pic of me and Mahna at the lake... I wanted it on the post the other day but I had too many pictures already. That was just two weeks ago and she already seems older to me. She is at such a fun age right now, though. But I am thinking, considering Baby # Two. I know everyone says this, but I want them to be close in age, like Kendra and I are and be able to be playmates. Then I go back to the downside, of can two kids that close in age get enough ONE ON ONE attention??? So many choices... So much to think about. Mahna is sitting across the table from me right now singing "mama mama mama" and eating green beans and pasta. She has another ear infection, or more like the other one just didn't completely heal. She is good at taking her medicine, though. Thank goodness they make it TASTY.

Now for my mood swing:
I am sad because someone I know is dying soon, My uncle Kenn and he is going to leave my aunt becky very sad and very alone.

I am angry and hurt because someone I trust lied to me just yesterday and I don't even know if he realized what he did...And I am not sure I can bring it up without it turning into TOO big of a deal.

I am depressed when I think of the world being such a place of pleasure chasers.

I am scared and lonely when I feel like I am just a big loser and there will always be someone THROWING MY PAST IN MY FACE, therefor I am stupid to think that I can move on from it and be something bigger. In all actuality everyone still sees that I was who I was and always will be.

What is it that I WANT anyway??? I don't know. I expect too much and wear rose colored goggles and pity party more than necessary.

pictures from recent days

the beach we "discovered" in Galveston. It is officially OURS now haha

My lovely sistahs!

My grandma's foster kittens. Anyone want one???
Mahna as a LAKE BABY!!! (Lewisville Lake)

thoughts on voyeurs

I have no idea if I spellt that write. haha. I have heard thru the grapevine that there are a few people who read my blog who don't comment. I knew it was true but it is always GREAT to hear that anyone is reading my blog! So spy on me all you want. Obviously if I am spilling my guts on the internet I am not being too secretive. Haha. Some days are more honest than others.

One time when I was maybe 11 or 12 I remember looking in my aunt/uncle's freezer for a snack and there was a ceramic container so I opened it and there was like a whole bunch of MONEY in it. I kind of wanted to take some, but I have always had a conscience. I thought that was pretty sneaky to hide it in the freezer tho. Who would ever look there? (unless they needed a snack)

I went "garage saling" w/ my momma and mahna today. Twas fun! We got Mahna tons of clothes and toys and books and movies. More than any one child ever really needs. Maybe I should have five more just to even out all the STUFF she owns. My parents are both very generous and doting on their granddaughter.

Jarrod came swimming w/ me and Mahna at my mom's house for his 2 1/2 hour lunch break. He has an awesome new route. It has really been fun to have him around during the afternoons (when I am not cleaning someone elses house). He and I were having competition swimming to the diving toys in the pool. He is much faster than me but I don't give up. And I figure one of these days his smoking will catch up with him and I will be the WINNER!!! My biggest drawback is that I never learned to hold my breath under water, so I am in a constant state of almost drowning, while playing in the deep end.

Off to Galveston tomorrow!! JOY JOY!

no time?

I don't know why but when I sit down to blog it seems like it will take SO long, but if I JUST sat down to blog instead of reading emails and looking at my bank account it would probably take the same amount of time. I think of things to write in my blog all day long sometimes, but they are gone from my memory by the time I sit here.

Jarrod and I went to a hispanic church on Sunday. It was very interesting to say the least. I know that to say "it was interesting" is a very WHITE thing to say. Those people were so LOOSE and free and worshippy. They all take their kids in the service. They all hug and kiss and talk talk talk. Why are white people so stiff? Can I change my family background or must I just find a way to be proud of it? By this I do not mean my "personal family" just being white. ahha. At one point during the TWO hour service (because of baptism) I took Mahna out to change her diaper and give her a snack. At least three people came by in the lobby while we were just sitting there playing, and kissed her! I just love how family oriented and tight these people were. I wish I could go back every week but.......... it is almost an hour away. Maybe I will find another hispanic church closer to home. I figure it is about time to "find" a church I want to stick with since Mahna is almost one year old. I would like for her to go to Sunday school and meet other kiddos and learn bible verses, and the other things that were my foundation as a child. Jarrod doesn't want me to "force' her to go to church when she is a teenager, but heck I don't force him... not like I can force him to do anything. We will see when the time comes. I freely admit that my biggest fault is not having "stick-to-it-iveness". I only stuck with weight watchers 4 months, for instance..... But anyday now I will get back on the bandwagon. And any day now I will make up my mind to go to church every Sunday. Although I do talk to God all the time, so at least I am n ot that far off the map, that is until I go to church and feel like a stranger in a new school.

I am almost done with Memoirs of a Geisha. What an amazing story. If you ever wanted to know what a Geisha girl really is, well it tells you down to the last detail. They are not prostitutes by the way! I think I might dress as one for Halloween. I don't know what I am dressing Mahna as yet. She doesn't really CARE yet so I guess it is still up to me. Last year I was the pumpkin fairy and she was a pumpkin. Someone else came up with that idea and I thought it was purdy cute!

Well Jarrod should be home soon, so I should shower. I cleaned for 6 hours today (at someone else's house) and then went swimming at my mom's house. Mahna is napping. I just ate a piece of leftover frozen pizza. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. No good mail came today. Sniff Sniff. I need more pen pals. So this weekend we are going to Galveston and Mahna will be in the hands of my mom and grandma.... I am nervous to leave her for two days and overnight! I knwo they are very capable but it is still a frightening WHAT IF feeling. Next weekend we celebrate her first birthday!!! The weekend after we are going to Austin and San Antonio to visit Kendra for her big 24th bday and then Jana and her family. Yippee! Plans!

p.s . Mahna's newest word is "OUT" she wants to get OUT of everything even if she really means IN. She is just so proud to be saying a word so clearly!

poor babykins

Poor Mahna. She got another fever last night after I blogged... and was up and down all night. The highest one was 202.6. That freaked me out but the "book" said it is normal and okay. So I gave her tylenol rock rock rock and hold her poor little hot body crying and throwing herself around because she is SO tired... Jarrod slept on the couch so he could get some sleep to get up for work. I think he slept better than he has in a while, so I probably really should work on getting her into her crib and out of our bed. I just keep thinking "one more night.....". Anyway. I took her to the DR and she has a double ear infection and a little cold. So she is sleeping now then we will make our trek to Wally world for her medicine.

I am on ch. 9 of Memoirs of a Geisha. The main character is about 12 yrs old now and has been a maid in the okiya for over two years. She just got word that her parents are both dead now and has started making steps toward a better life for herself instead of slavery as a maid. She met a Geisha who told her about reading her "charts" which I guess is like astrology, so she can know when to do certain things like it tells you if today would be a good day to move, date, etc. I also finally figured out that the book takes place in Gion in 1929. I had been wondering what year it was supposed to be about.

Jarrod and Casey both have jet ski's now. Casey bought one yesterday. They also both have long lunch breaks during the day. Casey has been coming home from noon to four then going back to work til 8 but now Jarrod changed routes so he is home from about 12:30 til 3 and then back to work until 7pm. They both leave around 9 in the mornings...

More pictures soon, I have to go READ now since Mahna is still sleeping....

just life

Life is just going along....... so fast. Mahna is almost a year old and it makes me want to cry. Her life and mine together are going to fly by and I just love her so much and try to treasure every moment, but sometimes I look back at her newborn pictures and think can't I just have a few minutes of that back to REALLY glue it into my memory? I have always had such a bad memory(ASK NIKKI OR KIMMY) and well I just am thankful to have a camera and video camera to save as much of the memories as I can.

I have tried to blog about three days in a row now with no luck....... baby keepin me hoppin. She woke up w/ a runny nose and fever today. First fever ever. It sort of freaked me out. But I read in "what to expect the first year" (at 6 a.m. I might add) that most fevers are no big deal and can be reduced easily with tylenol and cool air. So I took off her pj's, gave her a popsicle in front of the a/c and a little tylenol. It was gone in 30 minutes. whew! I just always hear about people taking their kids to the e.r. when they have fevers, so I didn't know if that is what I was supposed to do....

I am very engrossed in a book right now. I am on chapter 6 I think...... It is called "Memoirs of a Geisha". I can't explain how intrigueing this book is but I don't see how it wouldn't catch anyones attention if they gave it about 20 minutes.

Okay Mahna is crying for me......more later.

more pictures!

First picture is our kitty SCOUT as a "nun". He didn't like it much.

then close up of Mahna, Mahna in my parents pool, Mahna "talking" on my cell phone (SO CUTE!!!!!) and the jet ski we might possibly buy! I hope it runs and all that jazz, that would be so fun to get up on saturday and go to the lake! It is a 1988. 17 years old........

Thanks for peekin! I promise to write more soon.

picture time!

The picture of Jarrod pointing to his mouth, he was saying "why do u always kiss your dolls and the duck, but not me???"

The one of her by the water machine is where she goes to "hide" at my mom's house.

The one in the car seat is her "mean face" which she makes all the time.

3 kids and a lemonade stand

Yesterday I had my neices over for about ten hours. This was not a planned thing, as they were supposed to be visiting Casey, but he has no idea how to entertain them. SO I am their choice and I took on the challenge. It started out as a conversation between Katherine (9 yrs) and I on the way to WallyWorld. She wants her own room, separate from her 6 yr old sister, but can't move into her grandparents spare room until she gets the things she needs to decorate it. This includes paint ($20), a new bedspread ($30), and a TV stand ($?). So I mentioned that she should offer to do little chores for people for a dollar or two here and there and she could save up pretty easily. Then I spouted out "or u could have a lemonade stand......" Well let's just say my day was pretty much over then. I would spend the next couple hours getting lemonade, borrowing a cooler, helping make a poster, getting Mahna down for a nap and listening to. I wonder how much money we will make, we should do this, we should say that, when is Mahna waking up, why does she have to sleep so long why can't she just sleep at the lemonade stand, is it almost time to go, i hope I make lots and lots of money........ Let me just say non stop talking. It is cute, though, of course, just amazing what nonstop one sided conversation can do to turn your stress level up a notch or two. We had fun though. Our original intention was to go to Central Park where there is ALWAYS a hundred million people. Um, not yesterday, maybe it was because by the time we got there it was 5:30 pm or maybe it was because it was 98 degrees? Who knows but I went into panic mode. I thought I am NOT going thru all this crap again and starting over another day. WE MUST FIND A PLACE TO SELL AT LEAST ONE CUP OF LEMONADE!!! Katherine says "where would people be on such a hot day"? DING DING DING a pool! Okay so we go by the aquatic center, but there is no where to really set up discreetly. So we drove to my parents neighborhood (Kendra can say it right "Wehhhhhhhhlington") and set up on the median between the community pool and neighborhoods. I think it warmed a lot of people's hearts to see a lemonade stand. Some people stopped and gave them their change or a dollar and didn't even want lemonade. Some lady went on and on about how hot she was from being at the lake. Lots of people came by walking their dogs, but none of them had change for lemonade. The girls offered to give THEM free lemonade. So after about 90 minutes of this, during which I sort of stayed back with mahna, the girl's faces were bright red and they had sweat covering their scalps. Still they say "five more minutes? We might get another customer!". Too cute. So we finally came back and they had millions more ideas to do before their grandparents finally came to get them around 9:30. Make a video, do a news report, put on a concert, paint, draw, wash the cars, play in the hose....... Meanwhile I pretty much had Mahna in my arm the entire time and today it is super sore. Oh well, it was fun and I am sure will be some kind of memory for my neices. 3 kids for me? Hmm I dunno about that. I think I like giving Mahna my full attention 95% of the time instead. But then again she really enjoyed watching everything the girls did...... pros and cons, pros and cons.

no more AVON

I am no longer an "AVON" representative. I got fired for paying for stuff too late, like two months too late. BOy time does fly! Haha. Oops. That is very unlike me to do something like that. But it is very like me to go gung ho thinking I can be a sales person for some thing like pampered chef or avon and fail miserably. It's all good. That is just who I am and I accept it and don't hold it against myself.

bad mood

bad mood
bad mood
bad mood

annoyed
last nerve

My friend visits me! :)

Jana came from San Antonio! Yea! The pic on the right was Friday morning, Mahna and her 6 month old daughter Brooklyn. Isn't she a beauty??? The pic on the left was Friday night when she came to my house and her parents watched her kiddos. It was fun!!! Hopefully she can come back over again tonight or tomorrow.

Daddy and Baby

Here is Jarrod playing with Mahna at the condo. She likes to do this "balancing" thing on his hands.

trying to figure out how to post pictures....

Here is a picture of Mahna and I on the balcony of the condo we stayed at in Breckenridge. My mommy French braided my hair that first day and it looked very groovacious but you can't really tell. Mahna was in her PJ's that G.G. (great gma) made for her when she was just an itty bitty baby......... they still fit! Mahna wears like 3-6 month clothing still. Hope u like the picture. I will do some more.......

if u buy that I'll throw the golden gate in free.....

If u don't know that is a line from a country song. I don't know why I have it in my head!!! It says "I've got some ocean front property in Arizona, from the front porch you can see the sea, I've got some ocean front property in Arizona....If you buy that i'll throw the golden gate in freeeeee".

Well I am back from Colorado......... And from there being no missed calls, messages or comments while I was away, I see that no one missed me. Sniff sniff. Oh well. I had a grand ol' time with my fam damily. The weather was just awesome there. It is a whole different SUMMER. We would wake up around 8 to sixty degree temperatures and eventually it would work its way up to 80. Mahna got constant 24 hour attention the whole time from either my mom, sisters or grandma. I think I only had to bathe Mahna once out of 5 times while we were there. I am pretty sure she got even cuter while we were there, maybe it was the altitude. She makes a new face which Jarrod calls her "mean face". I will try to post a picture here in a minute.

Well a bunch of people just walked in my house so I lost concentration. Thanks for reading.....

jail birds and babies

Well Franky is still in jail. He hoped to get out Sunday for time served on the warrants he has but they wouldn't just take a phone call they want written signed letters from him and one of the places won't even give time served so he will have to pay like $120 before he gets out. Soo that sucks. I feel bad for him being lonely in jail. I knew it would happen eventually but it still sucks. He still has the most innocent eyes and I remember him as a lil kiddo.

I was waTching Mahna crawling around innocently nearby and playing adn looking at the fish and I got all into what I was writing and nex thing I know she is half way up the stairs. Thank you LORD that she didn't fall. She sure is bizy and fast and cute and fun. She giggles a lot and has a new kind of laugh which I can't describe, you will just have to hear it.

We are leaving for Colorado in a couple hours, so I better go get some mini bottles for the plane ride. Hee hee.

Love ya and I will update while in colorado if I can otherwise next weds ...............

thursday's news

Hmmm not much exciting to say...... isn't that a great way to start a post. I woke up next to my babykins numerous times over the night. I slept lightly so I dreamed a lot. One dream was a vivid one about driving in the rain (ironic that it rained today and I drove in it) and I felt myself losing control of the car (my mustang) and I suddenly knew that I was about to be in a car wreck, I couldn't see and the car was spinning and spinning across a four lane highway (where, I don't know) but I was just praying the whole time that no one would hit me. It was so real feeling, so then the car goes over a hill and into like gravel/sand/mud. I feel it start sinking and I push the door open as far as I can and help my grandma out of the back seat of the car. It is sinking slowly so I am concentrating on getting my "things" out of my car, the backpack I take to the gym, Mahna's diaper bag (she was not with me) and I am t hinking of where I am going next and how I will tell this story.... very strange.

Today I spent a lot of the day on the phone. Insurance for the new car, cancelling satellite, getting info on paying Franky's court fine and what he owes Sally's. I am not paying this but he gave me money to do so w hile he is in jail, which he still is and I am planning to visit him tonight. It is a 20 min drive to Denton and 20 back for just 30 min to talk to him but I am guessing he is probably pretty bored and lonely by now. You just never know with him tho. he might be just fine. Did you k now that gay men get a private cell? So at least I don't have to worry about the scary things u hear about in jail. So thats that for now ya'll. Talk to u later.

drama mama

Well Franky is still in jail. He was only supposed to do the weekend, but he had a couple warrants so now he has until July 24. Poor kiddo. Maybe it will help him somehow. I plan to visit him on Thursday. We leave for Colorado Friday night. I am looking forward to some cool mountain air and a vacation w/ my huz. He is fun on trips. Today was a very bizy day. I drove to drop Mahna w/ Tivany, drove to my parents to let the dawg out, drove to Las Colinas to clean a house, drove back to breastfeed Mahna at Tivany's house, drove back to my parents to let the dog out again, drove to Copper Canyon to clean another house, drove back to get Mahna, got a call that Jarrod was in a car wreck, met him at the house and drove him to the DR. He is okay, his back is just real tight feeling and he is in pain. We went to the new "Pain and Injury" clinic in Lewisville. They want to file the claim w/ insurance against the driver, etc. Jarrod just wants to know if his back is okay. He can walk and isn't like moaning in pain so I am guessing he is allright, but then again he is a MAN who doesn't let on all the time about pain. The car wreck was two cars rearending and then ramming into him and he was at a complete stop and saw it coming there for he tensed up. My parents are in Colorado having a grand ol' time. I had an awesome weekend hanging out w/ Kendra at my parents house, lots of swimming. She got me thinking about a triathalon. It sounds like a very scary word, but once she started explaining it to me and trying to talk me into training w/ her for one we could do together, I think it might be possible. The RUNNING part is what scares me. I think I could learn to bike, and swim, but RUN? I wish! We shall see. It is in my mind now. Thanks Kendra for pushing me further.....

mahna is ten months old!

Holy cow can it really be that ten months have gone by!!! Goodness! She is so fun now. Not that she ever WASN'T. She has four little cute teeth, two top, two bottom. My mom told me it would change the way she looked and it really has! She is such a little cutie. Such a love bug too. She does this little shy thing when new people are around or people she hasn't seen in a while. While I am holding her she will lean her head on my chest and look up at the person. It is so cute. She also makes all kinds of cute little different sounds. She tries to immitate whatever we say like "Hi Anna". She says HI all the time and waves bie bie and loves to clap for any reason!

Thank God we are over that sickness. It was no fun at all. I thought I would have lost some weight eating just jello and boullion, but no such luck. I weighed in at weightwatchers this morning at the same weight I've been at for about two weeks. Oh well. At least I haven't gained anything. I need to get back on track like seriously. I am doing pretty good today. I think eating lots of salad is the key to it all. I really want to get down to a cute little size so I can wear all the clothes that I like. Kendra and me went to a couple stores in Grapevine mills yesterday and I realized how much bigger I am than a lot of girls and that I am just entirely too huge for my height. Please don't comment "u look fine" or "i don't think ur fat" because that is not my purpose of writing this. :) Thanks anyway tho. Thankfully Mahna is pretty good at the gym babysitting room these days so I can work out about 3 times a week at least for an hour. There is a new older woman working there which I really do not like at all and would love to tell her off for telling ME how to be a mom, but I will continue being nice as hell to her because I learned very quickly that if someone is watching your kid you definately don't want them mad at you!

My parents and gma and anna are in Colorado right now which is a big bummer. I really don't hang out w/ friends, just my mom and gma and sister so it is like my social circle going on vacation. Jarrod, Mahna and I do get to join them for a couple days next week though. That should be relaxing. I wonder how Mahna will do on the plane ride this time.

Wow I forgot to mention that Jarrod bought TWO CARS the other day! KIA was having some special on Kia Rios. There were like 5 on the lot that were totally bare as in no A/C or radio, much less power anything, including steering. $5800 for a brand new car which gets much better gas mileage than his truck does. Being a courier really SUCKS during these days of ridiculous gas prices, in case I never mentioned that before. So the money saved in gas will actually pay for the car plus some. Now u want to know why he bought TWO. Well Casey didn't have the credit so Jarrod got him one also in his name. Pretty nice brotherly thing to do if I may say so myself.

In TV news, I probably won't have much TV news in the near future because we are cancelling our satellite to save money. So I won't get to watch RESCUE ME on FX on Tuesdays anymore or Law and Order SVU marathons.... Or PUNK'D. I guess I will just have to have tv night at the neighbors! :) At least "The Biggest Loser" is starting up again soon. That is on a public channel. I swear, I am really not a TV junkie, I just have a couple that I am sorda into. Hey, I am a housewife! What do you expect!!!!!!!!!! (Are there women cringing out there at me saying that?)

bout time yo

well mahna and i have been sick as hell for the last few days. i think it might finally be breaking. i never saw anything so pitiful as her barfing her guts up. it is so wierd with a baby, because they just puke, no warning or anything. I never wanted my mommy to come take care of me so much. Unfortunately she was busy taking care of my brother and out with my gma. I couldn't really bring myself to ask her anyway cuz then she would probably get sick and it would ruin her vacation coming up. I am supposed to be cleaning tomorrow but I don't know if I can yet. I had a fever tonight but now it is feeling like it is gone. I am watching my fave show right now RESCUE ME on FX. I gotta take care of my cranky baby now so talk to u later. sorry so boring.

ho hum

I am depressive lately I don't know what my prob is but it is getting on my own nerves. I think it could have to do w/ not eating right or exercising. Anyway I just feel like watching Donnie Darko and listening to Mad World over and over. Ho hum.

I have had a mini vacation at my parents house this weekend while Jarrod is in Virginia. I stayed here two nights and am going to my gma's tonight. Don't ask me why it is myhouse is too depressing to go home to. Everything is depressing to me lately. Pity pity.

My parents pool sure is fun and feels GOOD. Mahna has gotten to really like it after three days of swimmin'. Even the dogz like it. I think my parents are really glad they put it in. We had a very familyish resort style weekend with lots of parties and good food by the pool. Even CORONA!!!!!! mmmmmmmm that makes me not depressed haha.

Love you all and thanks for the comments oh bythe way Mahna's first word was MAMA but that was a month or so ago and she has said Dada since then but it was so cute when she actually said DADDY! She also just got her third tooth and looks pretty grown up next to Stephanie's 2 month old!

XOXO

BaCK in Teyhaus

yo readerz i am back from the midwest. Twas a glorious fun filled adventure I must say. A vacation should truly be an escape from "real life" and this was. I didn't know it at the time but it sunk in on the drive home. If it weren't for the Huz being here I may not have returned. The moment I entered Kansas City I had this feeling of "I want to live here again". I can not explain this feeling to Jarrod because he does not see why I would love it there so much. It is gorgeous, peaceful and most importantly my best friends and family live there. It was cool seeing my cousin Adam as soon as we arrived and his adorable 21 month old son who looks just like him. His wife and stepdaughter are awesome people who make you feel just at home. Shortly after we ate a homemade spaghetti dinner I went over to Kelly and Lynne's to see my little angel Golden Kindred who has grown a foot just since Thanksgiving. He was in the upstairs window when we drove up and squealing in delight through the screen. I couldn't have felt more welcome and anticipated if there were a zillion flowers on the lawn. Mahna, my little shy flower, took immediately to Gold in a magical way. She met him at Thanksgiving when they came to Texas, but she was 3 months old at the time. They do "talk" on the phone, but seriously it was so cool how immediately comfortable and happy she was with him. The rest of the trip grownups were trying ever so persistantly to get her to let them hold her with not much luck. She is a mama's girl, what can I say??? So the first night I stayed with them and spent the next morning playing w/ mahna and gold for a couple hours then my aunt becky came over to meet her favoritest great neice. Then Nikki came over and we went out for THAI food *YUM* and had great conversation. My mom took gold and mahna to play w/ my cuzins baby Blake so Nikki and I could catch a movie, too. We saw "Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants" which is awesome and I highly recommend. It is a chick flick just to warn you. Anna, Mahna and I stayed the night w/ Nikki and she cooked us up an amazing dinner and we watched Little Black Book which was pretty cute. It was very fun and memorable. Saturday I hung out at Lynne and Kelly's playing w/ Mahna and Gold and Sat. night Kimmy came to get me and we hung out at her house. She just got a new house........ she is a homeowner, her and her husband. They made me feel very comfortable. Their house is awesome and struck a jealous tingle in me. Mahna started busting thru a top tooth that night and there were HUGE storms so she didn't sleep well, but Kimmy and I still had fun and snuck in some good conversations and watched half of RAISING HELEN on her super comfy bed. The next day we went to Wally world and I went back to Kelly and Lynne's to hook up w/ Becky, Spencer and Lori. It was so awesome to meet up with everyone and I really enjoyed the house full of family and food. Every conversation was great and this blog entry may be sounding repetitive but every ounce of the trip was just wonderful. That night I stayed w/ kelly and lynne. Gold had to go to summer school early Mon. morning so I looked at a cool website ASTRO.COM w/ Lynne and then Kimmy picked me up to have lunch w/ her at work. Some people got stuck on the elevator at her work which was so crazy. She works at a hospital. Then Lynne and Gold and Mahna and I went to some groovacious shops in Brookside that afternoon. Lynne got Mahna two cool books and bought us all ice cream....mmmmmm. On the way to the car Mahna reached over and grabbed Gold's head and started kissing it then reached out her arms for Lynne..... it was asif she realized we were leaving soon and needed to show them some luv. I am really tired now so all these words are blurring together but I want to get out as much of my memories as I can. My mom came and got me from their house around 8 :15 and I got my cell phone from her which I had left in her car on accident GRRRRRRRR so I noticed I missed a call from Lori. So I called to see what was up and she said she would see me next trip since we were almost to Adam's house. Then I checked my voicemail and she had invited us for coffee at 7:15. I felt REALLY horrible because I would have loved to see their place if I had KNOWN. It is my stupid fault for leaving my phone in the car and that was the only bad point of the trip because I feel like I might have made them feel like I was ignoring or blowing them off and that is not what I meant to happen. We had fun at Adam's house that night> Cynthia and Ryan came over which was awesome. I miss Ryan so much as he was like a brother to me for so long and it had been prob. 2-3 yrs since I last saw him. This morning we got up at 7 and were on the road by 9 but lots of stops along the way so we got home late. My mom did all the driving and was very patient w/ mahna's screaming at times and my grumpiness for wanting to be HOME already and tired of being in the car. Ahhhh. To be home. Jarrod was on cloud nine seeing Mahna and I think they played for like 90 minutes straight without a break. She even said DADDY! She has said da da but she actually looke dat him and said DADDY! TOO CUTE. So on with life we go.......... Tomorrow (WEDS) is my dadeo's fiftieth bday. YES THAT IS 50! Maybe a little shindig going on this weekend. Jarrod will be out of town, but Kendra will be IN TOWN! Woo hoo. Sounds like a good excuse for a sleepover at my parents house. Thanks for reading. Caroline

countdown

I am counting down hours now to my trip to Kansas City. I am a nervous wreck. I will be taking my beautiful child to show the people i love out there oh so much. It will be a rush rush tho seeing each person for only a day or less. I sure do love in in KC and would almost live there in a heartbeat if Jarrod wanted to. He probably won't ever want to leave Texas tho, and I can understand. Anna is helping me get my to do list and to pack list in order. Tomorrow will be filled w/ lots of laundry for not only do I need to wash Mahna's and my wardrobe but I must make sure my husband will have a semi clean house and laundry to survive w/out me for six days. Housecleaning is a big stresser for me because I can't seem to put Mahna down long enough to DO IT! Plus this home of ours which we share with Casey is all wood/linoleum and we have a big gravel driveway which means constant dust and dirt which is only controllable by daily vacuuming/sweeping/mopping. I was once the queen of the most challenging home to keep clean. ANyway thanks to Anna staying w/ me the last few days I have been able to do more than usual as she entertains Mahna. Mahna just keeps getting cuter and cuter. Tonight we gave her some nibbles of snowcone and she got very hyper. Casey was chasing her as she crawled w/ all her might screaming like only girls do in delight. Quite adorable. I am glad I get to take her every where with me. Even at Don Pablos tonight when she was hollering to get other patron's attention I could just see the most adorable baby ever sitting in the highchair. OH and she got her 9 month pics taken today. She was quite clingy w/ me as it was a new photographer, so I ended up sitting UNDER the sheet/background while she was photographed. U actually can't even tell in the pictures but it was amusing.

Last night we, as in me and Anna, watched DONNIE DARKO. If you have not seen this movie you must see this movie!!!!!!! It was so great. So unlike any other movie I have seen. TOtally unpredictable, as most mainstream movies are. It is a Sundance film, which made me like it before I even saw it. I actually got to watch two movies this Memorial day weekend. The other one was MEET THE FOCKERS, which I thought was totally hilarious.

Anna is doing my toenails now, what a lucky sister am I!

Adios and Goodnight. Thanks for reading...........

2 much fun

I have found the music downloads and it is fun! :) I am using music net at aol and I do admit that they don't have a few of the songs i am trying to find, but maybe all muzic sites are that way. Who knows. Can you believe this costs $9 a month plus one buck per song??? Oh well it is still fun. So far I have downloaded, Eminem mockingbird, No Doubt "It's my life", Britney Spears "Slave 4 u", Lita Ford/Ozzy "Close my eyes forever", Remy Zero "Save me", 50 Cent "in da club". I am so addicted! :) It is cool in a way cuz u can download whatever u want for free and then if you want to burn them to CD that is when they cost a dollar. I have only paid for two so far. I heard there is a free way to get songs but I am so behind on this music thing because of having a crapped out no memory having computer for such a long time. I feel like such a supastar having my own CD BURNER NOW!!!!!!!!!! yippee

Today was fun. I got up at the buttcrack of dawn to take my parents to the airport so they could celebrate 30 yrs of marriage in San Fran. I hope they have a glorious time. Anyone who still likes each other after that many years of cohabitation deserves a good trip. :) I am proud to have parents who are still married and purdy darn happy about it. Anyway Jarrod kept Mahna which meant he had to get out of bed w/ her from 6-7 a.m. on a Sunday. Not his favorite thing but they were having a blast by the time I got home at 7:30. I got her to go back to sleep w/ me for about 30 min and that didn't work so we got up and got ready and made it to the 9 am church service. My grandma was happy to sit w/ us in the "parent's box". Then she got to show Mahna off to her friends and I got to chat w/ my friend Brent. A while later me and Mahna and Anna Banana went to Lara's graduation swim party and Mahna enjoyed a sorda cold swim but she was very excited about being in such a huge bathtub.

Well Mahna poo is sleeping now so I guess I will find something fun to do or maybe just go to sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.. xoxo caroline

ok

maybe we are moving maybe we are not. who knows. apartments that are cheap are uber ghettoish and that sucks. the good thing would be carpet for Mahna..... maybe we can "tough" it out here a little longer and look for a cheap hud home or sumthing.......... this is all depressing me and making me think constant negatory thoughts yo!

on a happy note i get to go to Kansas City next weekend to see Gold, Nikki, Kimmy and the rest of my family I miss and love oh so much. Jarrod gets to go see Freddy in Virginia the weekend after that. Purdy COOL!

adios

okay it is final

We are moving....... Now the question is just whether we are moving by the end of this month or if we are waiting another month. More to come tomorrow........

moving pros and cons

wE might be moving to an apartment. we have not made our decision. Pros of an apartment are our own space and privacy. back to using our nice dishes etc in a kitchen thats not ghetto. no more wood floors, nice fluffy carpet for mahna. cons of moving sad to leave our neighbors, puts stress on Casey to make money faster, costs us more so we won't be able to save as much. it would be safer for mahna than this house is so that is a pro. also it is across the street from the gym i like to go to so that is cool. who knows!

Take the good with the bad

The day started out bad. My dear lovely soulmate friend Bryn moved to Idaho. My husband asked me to find us an apartment so we can move in the next two weeks. He is having too too many problems with his brother, and parents. It is a situation coming to a boiling point.

The day has gotten better because I got a LAPTOP!!!!!!!!! Anyone who has been around me at all lately has known that is ALL I have had on my mind. I wanted to purchase one with credit on DELL.COM but could only qualify for 18% interest and UM NO!!!! So my mom offered to let me get a computer on their credit and pay them back. Jarrod said NO MORE BORROWING (I borrowed b/c of tuition and car repairs before) and that I would have to save up for it. Well I saved up almost $200 so far, so it was in the future for me but not the IMMEDIATE future. Today my mom asked if I could come over and wait for a delivery she had coming and might not be here for. So after touring a crappy but cheap apartment close to my gym in Lewisville I solemly drove over to package sit for her. Much to my shock and oh my gosh just SHOCK my dad had bought me a laptop!!! He said I can trade in my old laptop and the Macintosh that i have for this one! Where else could I get such a great deal??? I mean my laptop is worth didly but the Mac is actually sellable and loaded for anyone who would be LOOKING for a Mac. So I am just on cloud nine! This screen is enormous! It has wireless, 512 mb memory and I can burn CDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY COW!!!!!! I am going to be up all night now! ha! This is so killer it just makes everything okay. Of course Jarrod is not thrilled. he wanted to teach me a lesson and lost on that one but he will enjoy the computer too. HOORay!!!!!!!!!!

yo yo

I had a good 1st Momma's day. It didn't feel like it was about me, I don't know how to explain it but I didn't feel like mothers day was abou tCaroline. i felt like it was for my mom. I wanted to make her feel happy and queen for the day. It was cool cuz Kendra was here and so we all got to be together. Minus franky of course. I am glad he at least called my mom. I was worried she would be secretly depressed because he blew her off. Of course he was too bizy cleaning the house he lives in now to come by and see her or his sister who came from Austin....... Oh well. Maybe he will come around someday. It is just wierd when you grow up all close to all your siblings and then one of them sort of falls off the face of the earth. Change of subject but there are three CD's that I want that are all quite different genres. I want the new 50 Cent, Gwen Stefani and In Utero by Nirvana. i think I will check out what Amazon.com has to offer me. I got to talk to my buddy ol' pal Cynde tonight who is the designer of my website and a lifelong friend. That was cool. My friend Bryn is moving to Idaho in a week or so and that really bums me out cuz she is a soulmate type friend. Mahna got her first tooth on Mother's day and I broke my toe by accidently kicking an ottoman at my parents house. Lucky for me there is a clinic for people w/out insurance here in lewisville that only costs $30. I have only one house to clean this week on Thursday and an option for another one on Friday, but I dunno. i got a suprise package from my friend Nikki in Kansas City today with an outfit for Mahna, a really awesome fairy card and some stickers and a homemade CD. I am looking into buying a Dell laptop for about $550. Mine is pretty crappy and the screen is broken off the keyboard. I got a new pair of pants yesterday that was two sizes smaller than I wore a few months ago. THAT is a good feeling!!! well that is my update for those of you that love me
XOXO

Go Mavs

Let's hope the MAVERICKS can kick some booty tonight and stay inthe playoffs! We are having a few peeps over so hopefully it will be a good night. I am dead tired from staying up too late w/ Bryn last night. It was a lot of fun tho so I don' t regret it. She is moving to Idaho in 10 days so I am trying to get her to come over every day!!! I can't believe all my friends always MOVE AWAY!!! Grrrrr. Well I have a yummy recipe for you. I never knew how EASY it is to make stromboli. All you need is a refrigerated pizza crust and a few insides.

Here is the one I made, but you could make one w/ pepperoni and mozzerella or whatever.

1/4 C low fat deli ham
1/2 C low fat mozzerella
1 refrigerated pizza crust
broccoli, peppers etc
1 egg
Italian seasoning

roll out pizza crust (I put mine on my pizza stone) put in ingredients except EGG and fold over to close and seal ends then flip over so seal is on bottom. Beat the egg w/ a fork and brush egg over dough. Cook at 350 for 15-25 minutes until golden brown. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Serves about 4 people

i feel like a princess!

I feel like a princess because I have a dishwasher, AND a stove! Yes thank you Casey! I actually have a pretty much normal kitchen. It stays clean looking most of the time now and it is just so awesome. I have also lost another four pounds so I am happy about that, I feel like i am on my way to where I want to be. I am still not on a really regular workout thing, but I am working toward it. I have a gym membership. It has free babysitting. Mahna hates it! Darn. But I figure eventually she will get used to it and enjoy the other lil kiddos and have a good time. Jarrod's job is pretty wacky right now. He started a new one and the deal is that he learns each route, as in running them for 2 wks and then someone is hired to run the route, he gets a different one and is in charge of phone calls and problems on the past route(s). So that is cool, except that he is doing two jobs at once now and getting paid one salary. He is really keeping his head up and looking toward the future benefits of it, but I know it is mentally grueling. The new route he started just two days ago starts at 6:30 AM in downtown dallas and ends at 5:15 pm. THIS is why I do not like the courier business. LONG days. Well hopefully it will lead up to a paid vacation and office job w/ no need for buying a tank of gas every other day. We will see! my dryer is working today, which those who know me know that is rare. I am happy to be doing LAUNDRY. yes I am a domestic wierdo. Haha. This is the first time I have done Mahna's laundry in 3 wks. She is lucky enough to have a very LARGE wardrobe. This also has to do with the fact she can still wear things she was wearing at Thanksgiving. she is just a little peanut child. Weighing maybe 15 pounds these days. Poor thing has a cold right now and it really does make her miserable at times. She is a busy one nonetheless. Crawling all over the house, eating the cat's food and opening up cabinets. So far I think it is pretty fun chasing her. Cleaning jobs have been pretty good lately. I guess it really comes in spurts and this is a busy spurt. My grandma is out of town visiting her sister, who has alzheimers, which must be very hard for her since her sister was her best friend growing up. She usually babysits Mahna and really LOVES the job. My mom has been watching Mahna this week and Mahna is sick so not so much fun to watch, but they do like eachother a lot and are cute together. My mom is very good at getting her to take a nap on her chest. So sweet! Well I better go. Thanks for reading!

Weight Watchers Promo

I am happy to say after 5 wks on the "weightwatchers plan" I have lost 9.4 pounds! Yippee! Of course, I need to lose a lot more and it is not very obvious I have lost anything yet, but it is good to know it is going DOWN. My parents are putting in a pool so ya know I gotta look 1/2 way decent in my skivvies. (a swimsuit is skivvies, right???) haha. So far it is the best diet I have tried because you can eat whatever you want as long as you count the "point value" for each thing and don't go over a certain amt of points per day. So I don't feel so depraved and I am forcing myself to learn to eat smaller portions. So it's all good, 'yo! That's all for now. Tomorrow and Friday are cleaning days, Sat. is Mahna's 8 month pics and sunday is Jarrod's 27th bday. ADIOS!

no title

Well I was very close to getting a free king size bed but darn! The ppl had already given it away last week. Oh well. Casey got out last weds. Things have been fine. We are all getting along great. He rigged my dryer so I didn't have to do laundry at my mom's this week. Should be a relief to her since I have been over taking her laundry room every Monday for a couple months now. I have nothing interesting to say so I will talk to u later!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

news!

Casey is getting out of jail on Weds. I am hopeful that things will be fine. It is really good to hear that he will be out of jail. I know it will be a big relief for him and his family. We all got along fine before, so hopefully it will still be the same. Things will be different for him. 2 1/2 years of missing out on daily happenings and not driving etc. Lucky for him he has a very supportive family and an uncle who just started a new company which he will be offered a decent paying job at. Now we just need to get him a BED. hmmmmmmmmmm......

I think I am goign to go get a haircut this week! Tomorrow I have a new house to clean in Irving and then I get to spend my earnings on my cat Nina's shots. Joy! One of our neighbors is making Mahna a pole thing to hang her new swing from! She loves to swing. This morning while I was making my bed she crawled from her bedroom to mine. It was so cute, and she was so proud of herself!!!

Well Jarrod is home for lunch so I better go!

coated?

Today I actually made it to church. I am sorry to say I really got nothing out of it. I enjoyed the singing but came away with no deep thoughts. I wonder if I should have just stayed home and read more of "messy spirituality" my new favorite book.

We spent the day w/ jarrods grandparents and it was magical. I saw a rainbow that was vivid and purdy purdy purdy.

Jarrod starts a new job tomorrow. I hope that he will be relaxed and confident and do a good job. Mostly I hope that this new company his uncle signed him into is going to be successful.

Casey should be out in a couple weeks. I wonder how things will be for him. For us. Hmmm. I wonder how much longer until we get a house of our own. I am anxious.

like the new look?

Yes as you have probably looked in on my blog for the last two weeks you have noticed the new picture and design of my blog. Thanks to my talented friend Cynde I have a whole new appearance to the sight. My friend not only does this website for me with her own design, but she is also an inspiration to me. If anyone on the planet should be a personal trainer it is her. All my life I have wanted someone to say get up and go DO and she does. So yea. THanx CC.

Last weekend as you may know if you read Kendra's blog (www.crylaughsnort.blogspot.com) my parents, Jarrod, me mahna, anna and my gma went to Austin for Easter. It was oh so fun. Maybe double fun for me because I had extra help with Mahna and therefor got to partake in some fun activities I usually don't. Hee hee. I also bask in the warm feeling of being with MANY family members. This part of me wants to have many children. Then I snap back into reality. Haha. My favorite time during childhood/teenagehood was goign to the Lake of the Ozarks to my Mimi and Papa's lake house during summer. There would be lots of family members just swarms in the kitchen then on the dock, and swimming, watching tv. It was a safe, secure and always fun environment.

Mahna learned to sit up by herself!!!!!!! I am so proud of her! I know EVERY baby does this but it was so cool to watch her try and try for about 3-4 weeks and finally one day...... POP she got up by herself. Too cool. She is also on a steady twice a day babyfood diet now, although most of her food is still Mama's Milk. I hadn't blogged about this, but I was having a hard time getting her to eat any rice cereal etc. and the DR said "it was time". Well I read part of my new favorite book "NIGHTTIME PARENTING" by Dr. Sears and his advice is every child is different and just let it happen when it is good for them. So I completely quit with the baby food fight for a week straight. When I started up again...... she loves it! She is so funny and cute to watch eat. She makes sounds for everything and I swear this child has electricity in her blood. Crazy crazy cool

I did honestly have intentions of goign to church this morning. I stayed up til 2 am doing digital picture stuff and then when I woke up at 8:15 I realized there was not much chance of getting me and Mahna ready in time for church. Then I was going to go to the later service but when it was time to take a shower Mahna and Jarrod were playing in the bed and it was just too cute to leave....... Ugh. I really gotta work on this section of my life. At least I have MOPS. I am very thankful for my mom's friend signing me up for that. It is good to have other people who discuss spiritual things, things that are real. I don't know why the rest of the WORLD doesn't, since it really is an important thing to so many... Hmm I dunno.

Well Stephanie had her baby! I am so happy for her. She had to have a C section which sucks but I am glad her baby and her are okay. I can't wait to meet little Addy. I wish I had money so I could go buy her a cute little preemie outfit>.. She is only 6 pounds!!!

Thanks for reading! Come back soon.

OKay I am just a big puss. I talked to "boss lady" today and didn't even tell her I didn't want to clean for her anymore. ( if this makes no sense read yesterdays blog) I guess I will wait and either call her or just clean for her again and see what her "list" consists of. My momma says I shouldn't be doing someone's house who just stresses me out. Hmmmmmm.... Well anywayz

today is a good day. I pretty much finished the taxes! WHOO HOO! Self employment + baby = complicated taxes. Mom held Mahna while I did them and Anna kept me silent company. She is staying w/ me for spring break so it should be FUN! She got her braces off today and looks like a whole new Anna! :) We took Mahna for an adventure walk today in a new snobby unbuilt $400,000 house neighborhood close to my parents neighborhood. Crazy that ppl pay so much for houses so cramped together. How great can they really be??? EEK

Well Casey supposedly gets out in 2-3 wks. Wow is that going to be a big change in lifestyle. I have been getting lots of new cleaning offers lately which is pretty groovacious. I am thinking a about joining WEIGHT WATCHERS. It is the only place/gimmick/fad diet I have found that offers something for breastfeeding mothers other than "eat healthy and small portions". And we all know if I could do that I would not be a heffulump.

ADIOS!

VENT

Today I busted my ass cleaning a house. I literally worked to the point of being sore tonight. I strive to always please my clients, not only for the reason of their satisfaction, but for myself to feel that I did a wonderful job and am a good cleaning lady. I know that I am good at what I do and I enjoy it and I love to make people feel good about their home and brighten their day with no dirt in the corners, etc. It makes pretty much anyone feel great to come home to a clean shiny house. If someone asks me to do something, I do more than what they ask me to do. For example if someone asks me to dust their blinds, I will dust them and wipe the dirt off with a wet cloth. I enjoy serving people. I like to be a flexible housekeeper who can adjust to each individual for what they personally want for their money. Now for the lady I cleaned for today. First of all her husband has a problem with how much I charge. Before me they had a hispanic woman who stayed for 6 hours every Saturday to do whatever Boss Lady told her to (for less than I charge). I explained during our initial meeting that I charge a certain amount for four hours of work and I will get their house cleaned in that amount of time and am willing to do whatever else she might need once I finish the main cleaning, IF there is extra time. I am very prompt and am known to stay 10 minutes extra, even. If I say I will be there at 9 a.m. I will be. I also agreed to do this womans house every other Saturday which I am not really fond of working the weekend, but I agreed, since she works out of her home. So the second time I cleaned for her she came in (while I am scrubbing her toilet, I might add) 1 1/2 hours before I was to leave upset that I might not finish cleaning the whole house. She said her husband was worried they were paying me this large amount of money and I would not be finishing their house like I promised, and that I had spent TOO MUCH time cleaning their kitchen. I pushed down my hurt feelings and told her nicely that I would definately finish cleaning her house within the allotted time frame and resisted the urge to remind her both sides of her sink had been overflowing with crusty dishes. So okay then today I was there over my four hours, their vacuum quit working, so I had to sweep all their floors with a broom that was basically a worn down nub. I mop the floors then dry them with towels to prevent water spots. I offered to bring my vacuum over tomorrow for free, if they couldn't get theirs working. So I get a message on my answering machine tonight (in a sweet as sugar voice) that they would really appreciate if I could bring my vacuum over tomorrow, oh and also they need to "go over a few things with me" because I didn't finish all they wanted done today and she guesses she just "needs to make me a list" because I must not be used to their house yet.

Okay I am just irritated. I don't like being talked down to and I just want to tell this woman to go get her cheap maid back again if that is what she wants. I am not a slave and if she and her husband don't like what I charge for CLEANING than they can find someone else! I have a few other people offering me work right now and everyone I clean for compliments my work and no one has EVER treated me like a lower life form or something like that. I do this job because I want to and I enjoy cleaning and making things beautiful. I do not HAVE to do this. I am not some brainless person waiting to be talked down to.

So I am thinking about quitting her house. I am going to load up my vacuum and my baby and vacuum her house tomorrow for free. I will listen to her side of things and what she sees. I will decide whether this business relationship is worth it or not. Maybe I am being too touchy, sensitive or defensive? If you have read this far, tell me what you think.

finally!

I swear Mahna has been against me blogging this week. Every time I have sat down to answer these interview questions she has needed something! Well here is my attempt, one week later...

1. What 5 CD's would I have if that is all I could have?

Sarah McLachlan Fumbling Toward Ecstacy (high school)
Chemical Bros. Exit Planet Dust (kendra)
Venus Hum (or) Apoctygma Berserk (sp?)I can't choose !!!!!!
Tori Amos To Venus and Back
City of Angels soundtrack (this is a must b/c it is what I listened to in the hospital over and over when Gold was born)

2. What's the thing u like best about your parents?


They are very generous and don't expect anything in return. They are innocent and cute in a lot of ways. My mom is one of my best friends. Most of all I think I like that they love me no matter what and forgive me for my numerous and repeated mistakes, and don't remind me of them or rub them in!

3. Based on your experience in Highschool what advice would you give to current high schoolers?

My initaial answer is NOTHING because most teenagers don't want to hear any advice because they can figure it all out for themself. Haha! I don't mean that to be mean, it is just true.

But if they would listen, I would say

DON"T HAVE SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think that if more kids could/would abstain they could find themselves easier and figure out what they really wanted after highschool better. Also, to take advantage of "extracirricular activities" such as drama, sports, clubs, volunteering etc etc etc to just broaden their horizons and experience MORE and not just pigeon hole their life into a social experience that won't even matter in a few years.
(I may continue this answer later)

4. What has being married taught you thus far about yourself?

That I am freakin lucky to have not ended up with an abusive freaky loser!!!!!!!!!!! haha

It has taught me that I am strong and determined! It has made me realize that I really am able to be a "happy person".

5. What book influenced you the most at this point in your life?

Hm....... The book I think about the most is either certain bible verses, or books I have read about babies. I also really enjoyed Anne Lammott "Travelling Mercies" which sort of gave me a new view of being able to have strong faith and spirituality without expecting myself to be someone else or be 'sinless'.

Thanks for the questions, Brent. Sorry it took so long to get around to answering!