MuzAc MemOriez

I woke up thinking about music and my own personal awakening to it. I remember being 8 or 9 years old, living in Aurora Colorado, and listening to the radio for long periods of time after school, waiting for my favorite songs to come on the radio so I could record them on blank tapes. Did anyone else do this? I am guessing that not everyone does, because I asked Anna to make me a tape for Christmas and she didn't know how. Then again, I was a kid in the age of tapes, not CD's. I remember my "papa" bought me a boom box I guess when Iwas about that age and that boom box (does anyone else know what I am talking about when I say boom box) was my best friend until it died and I got one of those stereos w/ the record player/CD player/ Two tape deck and separate speakers, probably around 8th grade. Papa might have bought that for me,too, he used to spoil me at Sam's club. :) I remember the first tape I owned, at at 8/9 was "Tiffany". I can't remember now how I first heard of Tiffany, but I listened to her over and over. Anyone remember "I think we're alone now"? Okay well me and my "friend" Megan, used to make up choreography dances at recess. All the boys loved to watch her and usually made fun of me. But I won't get into that. When me and Kendra would visit our cuzins in Kansas City (Adam and Ryan) we would listen to Tiffany and other stuff too, I just can't remember it now. We would jump on their trampoline I remember that, it was fun. Fast forward to 7th grade, I remember listening to "Z-ROCK" when I went to bed every night> We lived in Belton, MO by then, and I shared a bedroom with Franky temporarily. My dad didn't appreciate the sounds of Guns N roses and Metallica coming through the walls late at night so he gave me headphones to use. They were the BIG headphones like they use in recording studios (I think he had them since the 70's) and I couldn't lay on the side of my head with them. But I listened to Z ROCK religiously on an A.M. radio station, until they got taken off the air. I heard they were in Dallas for a while, too, and had the same cultish following. At this time in my life I grew very fond of Metallica and Guns N Roses, this was when the BLACK album was out and the Use your Illusion albums. I got my Metallica tape confiscated repeatedly by my dad, who read the lyrics and saw things against God in them. He put the tape in his sock drawer every time he took it away, and I would go take it back. I lived for that music, the words seemed to explain to me how I felt. My parents did not understand who I was turning into, wearing black, makeup, and that early 90's high bangs look... but I won't go into that, either. SO next I was in a house in Belton, with my own bedroom in the basement listening to Guns N Roses "Don't Cry" and "November Rain" and "Coma" over and over... By this time I was friends with Nikki and Kimmy and was getting in trouble with my parents constantly...... I had also made great friends with my neighbor, Brett, who was a grade above me. We used to sneak out at night a lot to smoke cigarrettes and walk around the dark suburbs. He gave me a Motley Crue CD with "Home Sweet Home" on it, which he stole from the guy who lived next door, that we picked on a lot. Fast forward a couple years..... summertime at the lake of the ozarks, Kendra, me, Adam and Ryan listening to "Scorpions" over and over......... "Send me an angel" is the song that sticks out in my mind the most. Listening to that tape on the dock, while tanning with baby oil on our skin, in the top of the shed, while carving our names in the wood and sneaking cigarrettes. I also remember listening to Metallica "One" at the lake with Nikki up in the camper trailer we sometimes made our temporary bedroom... I remember Kimmy introducing me to Garth Brooks, who I did grow to enjoy over time... My parents sent me and Nikki on a youth group trip when we were in 8th or 9th grade and we listened to Nine Inch Nails and tried to get a tattoo at a place near the dorms we were staying in. Nine inch nails was a long time obsession that sent me into "loving" Marilyn Manson, which I was very INTO when I moved to Texas in the middle of my 10th grade year. I would look forward to coming home from school just so I could listen to that CD over and over again... There were lots more, but I do not want to lose any readers who might still be here with me... I am not sure what the point of this blog is, except memories that overwhelmed me so I wrote them down. I could go on for another hour, but maybe I will just do a continuation. I have horrible memory loss, so to me, remembering this much makes me really happy.

So my question to you? Do you remember the first music you were passionate about? Do you have a fave CD you listen to now, for days or weeks, then move on to something new?

Thanks for reading! XOXO

howdy again

Okay, I have been slackin on the blogerooni. I always think of things to write about then by the time I get to my computer they are poof gone.

Being pregnant comes along with strange dreams that I REMEMBEr every single night. It is so strange. Last night I dreamt of going to the hospital in labor but I hadn't taken birthing classes yet. I was absolutely TERRIFIED like havng an anxiety attack in my dream over having to give birth. It was crazy. Then the baby was born and it was a boy and they handed it to me and I was all goo goo and then they said oh we haven't brought your baby in yet, that is Deborah's baby boy, yours is a girl. Who is Deborah??? Anyway, so they bring this little girl, who has a developed face of a 3 yr old but is the size of a premie, and can TALK. Last baby dream I had the baby PURRED like a cat, so I guess my brain is slowly catching on here, I don't know. It was wacky though. The baby kept saying I don't want a diaper change, I want some different clothes, I do not want to take a nap, stuff like that. haha.

Well Happy Saturday to anyone who reads blogs on Saturdays!

xoxo

howdy again

Okay, I have been slackin on the blogerooni. I always think of things to write about then by the time I get to my computer they are poof gone.

Being pregnant comes along with strange dreams that I REMEMBEr every single night. It is so strange. Last night I dreamt of going to the hospital in labor but I hadn't taken birthing classes yet. I was absolutely TERRIFIED like havng an anxiety attack in my dream over having to give birth. It was crazy. Then the baby was born and it was a boy and they handed it to me and I was all goo goo and then they said oh we haven't brought your baby in yet, that is Deborah's baby boy, yours is a girl. Who is Deborah??? Anyway, so they bring this little girl, who has a developed face of a 3 yr old but is the size of a premie, and can TALK. Last baby dream I had the baby PURRED like a cat, so I guess my brain is slowly catching on here, I don't know. It was wacky though. The baby kept saying I don't want a diaper change, I want some different clothes, I do not want to take a nap, stuff like that. haha.

Well Happy Saturday to anyone who reads blogs on Saturdays!

xoxo

update

Today I had my first dr. appt. It was not as exciting as I expected. i don't know what the heck I was expecting, though. I guess I need to realize that the doctor is dealing w/ a lot of pregnant women each day, and I am not some amazing miracle! :) Oh well! Anyway I got to see the baby and the heart was beating, so that is good. I know that (might) sound wierd but I was seriously kind of scared, ya know! Anyway I found out I am only 11 weeks. So I am due Sept. 13. My grandma will be excited since her bday is Sept 16! :) haha. I am feeling nervous and faced with a lot of reality today. I am about to go workout. That will make me feel better, then I am off to study study study and take a math test. JOY

Happy Monday! CAROLINE

hooray for Friday.

Today is my "alternate" Friday, where I only have one house to clean. These are the days that I love! Yesterday cleaning Evelyn's house I got SO tired. I just wanted to pass out while I was VACUUMING! This is crazy, I am only about 3 mo. pregnant, and I feel so tired and worn out. I have gone back to my healthier eating habits. I was off of them for about a week, and I felt REALLY crappy then. I am down to only exercising twice a week, and I need to do more but the bed just feels a lot better in themorning these days!

Well I did my insurance paperwork, and decided on Dr. Franklin, and a hospital. jarrod and I had pretty much already ruled out an at home birth, and Lewisville hospital is like 2 minutes from our house, so technically I could probably walk there. haha. I think it will be better this way, hospitals feel safe. And last pregnancy, I had a midwife whom I loved, BUT then when I got sick with Toxemia she couldn't do ANYTHING for me and I was introduced to a whole new doctor who did my surgery, after care, everything. So I dunno. I hope this will all be okay. I got an appointment on MONDAY!!!!! I am so excited that I booked the 7:40 a.m. appointment! haha! so much for sleeping in on monday! I am also scared that they will not be able to hear the heartbeat or something awful like that. Ugh...... That is a horrid feeling. I am such a worrywart, I just can't help it. As for being pregnant, well I don't feel much different except tired and sometimes getting cramps if I get out of bed or off the couch too quick.

Yesterday I was on my feet for 12 hours straight. I was so exhausted by bedtime, I cleaned Evelyns house, came home, made enchiladas (which takes HOURS!!!!!!!! and then cleaned my house then jarrods' parents got here I served them, played w/ my neices, did more dishes, cleaned up my nieces mess, tried to help Jarrod fix the dryer (does anyone know someone who fixes dryers???) and we finally went to bed. Does that count as one workout for the week? :)

Thanks for all the comments people! I love ya!
CAROLINE

happy belated V day

Okay, it was a few days ago, but not much has happened in my world since then. I did thoroughly enjoy having Kendra around all weekend. I miss her already. I wish she would move to Austin, but I know it is not just up to her, and she has a lot of other reasons for moving somewhere else, since they are actually school shopping and not looking to move closer to the fam. I hope that Anna and Franky always live close by. It sucks having a sibling far off in never never land. I know almost every family is split up by miles, but it starts to suck more the longer it goes on. It especially sucks when you want your sister to be there b/c you are having a baby! :)

ANyway as for V day, well I usually HATE valentines day. But this year, it was pretty darn great. I didn't get any extravagant gifts (3 yrs ago my red mustang was my vday present... that was our first married V-day) or any chocolate (luckily I went to my parents house that night and pigged out on their stockpile) but Jarrod and I woke up EARLY (9:30) on Saturday morning which we NEVER EVER do and enjoyed the snow, and eachother's company. We cooked, drove around a little bit, watched a movie..... It was a goood romantic day.

As for PREGNANCY news..... I got my insurance info today. It is very confusing, i have tons of pperwork to fill out and only 8 days to do it!!!!!!!! YIKES!!!!!! I have to choose a doctor, and I am not allowed to change it once I choose it. SO I have to decide between a dr. I went to a long time ago about 2 minutes from my house, and delivering at Lewisville hospital. OR a nurse midwife and delivering in Grapevine or at home... This is seriously a tough choice. Any advice is appreciated!!!!!!!!!!

XOXO

happy Friday Everyone!!

Kendra is in town! woo hoo! I got to see her for about an hour last night. That was fun. She is all grown up looking with nice clothes and wearing earrings... looking more like a college grad everyday. She is in Austin today and tomorrow, but I look forward to playing games w/ her on Sat night or maybe scrapbooking or sewing??? No drinking for me. :(

Well I made it through yesterday! Hallelluiah! I hate thursdays. Next Thursday I don't have skewl so I told Evelyn I would clean her house weds instead, so next Thurs shouldn't be soo bad.

Yesterday I ate entirely too much chocolate. I think I am daring my body to turn into a blimp. It will hold out maybe another month and then go POP there u go Caroline! I don't know why I am being dumb about what I eat. I eat pretty healthy except for sugar binges. Now I know why I went on Atkins. I am seriously a sugar junkie!!!!!!!!!!!!! So if anyone ever wants to buy me a present... any $2 bag of chocolate will do! haha!

I want to COOK something yummy for Jarrod for V-day. I might make him Mimi's recipe for banana pudding. He really likes that. WELL actually he likes HIS grandma's recipe for it, but she passed away, so we can't get it from her. So...... advice for the day..... if there is a recipe you like of someones get it NOW. My auntie Lynne got me the most AWESOME present one year..... it is a blank recipe book (spiral type) with little dividing sections and pockets. I have about 5 awesome recipes in it so far, and I am only putting in the ones I really like!

Okay, well I am off to clean 2 houses. Talk to you soon!!!!!!!!!!

super long, but i think these are good! (20 rules of life)

1. Faith is the ability to not panic.

2. If you worry, you didn't pray. If you pray, don't worry.

3. As a child of God, prayer is kind of like calling home every day.

4. Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.

5. When we get tangled up in our problems, be still. God wants us to be
still so He can untangle the knot.

6. Do the math. Count your blessings.

7. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts.

8. Dear God: I have a problem. It's me.

9. Silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted.

10. Laugh every day, it's like inner jogging.

11. The most important things in your home are the people.

12. Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.

13. There is no key to happiness. The door is always open.

14. A grudge is a heavy thing to carry.

15. He who dies with the most toys is still dead.

16. We do not remember days, but moments. Life moves too fast, so enjoy
your precious moments.

17. Nothing is real to you until you experience it, otherwise it's just hearsay.

18. It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be
sure to flush when you are done.

19. Surviving and living your life successfully requires courage. The
goals and dreams you're seeking require courage and risk-taking.
Learn from the turtle, it only makes progress when it sticks out its neck.

20. Be more concerned with your character than your reputation. Your
character is what you really are. While your reputation is merely what
others think you are.

#2 blog for tuesday

Well here i am again...... HOORAY! I got approved for medicaid. One less thing to stress about!

Besides that good experience this morning, my day has been POOPY. I do not understand my math class whatsoever and the teacher teaches really fast and I am way behind. I understand Matrices but that is about it. I understand the elimination method, but not what to do after that! And I came to the conclusion today that most people do not take their job seriously whatsoever. #1 when I was at the math lab (free tutoring provided by the skewl) there is 2 tutors and neither of them wants to help anyone unless you are 17 yrs old w/ your boobs hanging out and a really cute hairdo (not on your boobs). They pretty much blew me off a couple times today and I was to the point of almost crying b/c it is frustrating enough not understanding the math, but then when you want help and are making the effort and ppl ignore you or just blow you off........ NOW do you see why my blog is called bitchyassblog? Ok #2 I went to the grocery store to get habanero and poblano peppers. WELL the signs are all mixed up and I do not know which pepper is which, so I go all over the place asking people who work at ALBERTSONS and no one knows, no one knows, Oh I think that pepper might be a jalepeno??? Ok so finally the guy who is in CHARGE of produce shows up and tells me this is this and this is this... well when i went through the checkout he was completely mixed up and I got pretty much all the wrong peppers. GRRRRRRRR I am so on edge today, I am severely annoyed w/ a lot of people obviously that I came in contact w/ today. I am just a grumpy PMSy pregnant chick I guess. Now everyone who reads this will probably avoid me if they see me! haha. I will say that Ice Cream makes everything temporarily better!

tues

hello, i am sleepy. i got enough sleep, more than usual, but I am still sleepy. Today I am going to find out if I get medicaid. I am going to my interview in an hour or so. First, I am waiting for Jarrods' dad to bring me a car to borrow for the day cuz mine is still not fixed. Yesterday Franky drove me around... we went to my school where I bombed my math test and studied rocks for geol. and had to leave early cuz i felt sick> i keep getting nauseous in the afternoons. It really sucks on thursdays cuz i get sick feeling at the same time I am cleaning Evelyn's house. Anyways..... other than that life is fine and dandy. me and jarrod had a fun night... we watched our two tv shows (fear factor and las vegas) and went to the grocery store and got ingredients to make my dad's green chili, which i cooked in the crock pot all night and my mimi's enchiladas which i will probably cook on weds or thurs. Fun fun. Well not much else. Thanks for readin!!!!!!!!!!!! XOXO

can't nobody take my pride... can't nobody hold me down...oh no

haha....... my long lost cuzin Ryan would be so proud of my quotation of p-diddy. Speaking of p-diddy, I read a lil sumthin sumthin about how his ex is suing for 35,000 dollars a month child support cuz his OTHER ex gets that much. HAHAH how funny.

Anywaysssssssss has anyone else seen "THIRTEEN"? I think this was some kind of artsy attempt at what rebellious 13 yr olds might be out there doing. Well let me just tell you that I was one of those 13 yr olds... I was even one of those 12 yr olds.. so the idea of the movie is SUPER believable. BUT they did such a cornball job of portraying it. For one they made BOTH moms white trashy and not so great moms. They could have showed both sides of the story by showing one middle class ma and one ghetto ma. That is just my opinion tho. And the manipulation of the brown haired chick well that is totally believable and I totally think that the worse of an influence you have the worse things can be. But a "worse" influence in a parents mind is the absolute most fun person on the planet to the 13 yr old being influenced! As for the sex, drugs and injuring themselves... watch out parents of females going through puberty. BIG reality check here. Girls seem to snap at the drop of a hat. One day they are sweet little girls w/ stuffed animals in their room, the next day they have black eyeliner and cut themselves. The thing is that to an outsider it seems like something that happens suddenly, and that is what I also didn't like about how the movie portrayed it... like suddenly she wanted to be like that. I can say from my point of view, I wanted to be bad from the time I was about 7 or 8... I was already thinking "bad stuff" when I was probably younger than that... I just had to wait til I could aquire the right look. Well a lot boils down to the look, the clothes, the makeup, hair etc... I look all cute and innocent in my pictures from age 10-12 but I wasn't. I even have diaries from age 9 that I still keep that I was so depressed and wanting to abuse myself already. Anyway, I guess the movie "13" was not too horrible, but I was sort of expecting it to be like what I experienced at that age, and it wasn't. It was a different kind of culture, and I dunno, it made it not so much about "FUN" like it was to me and my friends at that age......and more about the outward effects: sex, "drugs", sneaking out, lying... I think I am talking in circles now. I have lost my train of thought. ANyway, it is not a total waste of time, but is sort of disappointing. And if you weren't a wild and rebellious angry 13 yr old then you might watch it and say ya right anyone is like that in SEVENTH GRADE!!!!! Just to warn ya!

Okay enough for now. Tonight I scrapbooked w/ my mom and Anna for about 4 hours. It was so fun! I did 8 pages in my mom's scrapbook.... Cuz I didn't have my scrapbook over there! I want to make the baby's baby book a scrapbook instead of the regular baby book. I just need more housecleaning jobs and a winning lotto ticket! WOO HOO!

love you all who read, thanks so much! Don't forget to leave a comment saying Hi Caroline I read your blog. XOXO

best vs. worst

the best things about being pregnant (so far) are
not cleaning out the catbox! woohoo
had a good reason to quit smoking (and succeeded!)
making people excited

worst things about being pregnant (so far)
getting fatter faster
worrying about more stuff.....
back hurting

nice list EH? well I am seriously thinking about the at home birth. I haven't talked to aprofessional about it yet, but the way Lindsay described it it sounds great. only bad thing......NO DRUGS! Yikes, but hey I can probably take the pain! And I really do not want to have a C-Section again. YIK. That was horrid pain and plus theyjust rip the baby right out, so medical instead of natural. Did not likey! Jarrod was pretty hip to the idea about the at home birth, too, which made me even more encouraged. he likes the idea of being at home waiting instead of in an icky uncomfy hospital. UH HUH! I agree w/ that. Now for the funding... we shall see!

Today I cleaned Cindy's house. I lisetened to Moby twice! LOVE IT! Then I went and paid part of my ticket at the Lewisville court, which was a 40 minute line, and then I realized after I got home that I could have done that by MAIL!!!!!!!!!! UGH. Anyway... tonight I am either going to scrapbook w/ my momma or go to a movie w/ her. Movie sounds fun. I remember last time I was pregnant, once I got to about 5 or 6 months, movie theaters were no longer comfortable. So I should do it while I can! Plus Jarrod is not into going to the movies, so it will be fun to go w/ ma. She might even get me some popcorn.....mmmmmmmmmm! You know what they should sell at theaters? Diet Limeades!! Sonic's are so awesome and I don't understand WHY movie theaters can only sell caffienated or full-o-sugar stuff! No fair. At least the world is getting more ATKINS FREINDLY tho. That makes me happy, even tho I am not exactly on Atkins anymore, I plan to be after babykins comes. alrighty well thanks to anyone who read this. Leave me a comment so I dont' think I am typing to myself> XOXO

boo hoo

Aw, no comments yesterday! Was it a boring blog? Or did everyone quit reading? Well today I went to skewl, then cleaned Evelyn's house, then went to my ma's house to hang w/ franky/anna for a while who are in trouble HA HA and then me ma and anna went to a baby shower which was cool. i ate lots of sugar which made me feel like total shnikey. But it sure did taste good. I saw Lindsay who did an "at home" birth, which I think sounds really interesting! It costs about $2500 total to have a mid-wife and do at home birth. HMMMMMMM... I will have to refigure our finances and see if we could pay that out. Who knows....... Maybe I can just find a good regular doctor. I will know a lot more after my medicaid appt. next tues. Anyways happy night everyone!

hungry and pregnant

I think I felt the baby move today. I am having a hard time believing that is possible since I am only about 3 mo. along, but I swear it was not a butterfly feeling, it felt like something moving. WIERD! I just finished watching a "volcano" video at skewl, for geology. NOw I need to do math homework but I feel queasy so I might just go home. I did do some studying today, although not nearly enough. Tonight Jarrod, me and his dad are driving my mustang out to Decatur where Jarrods' dad's friend has a shop (1 1/2 hour drive) that they can "pull the frame" of my car. UGH... I screwed that car up pretty bad. Mom called me this morning to see how progress on the car is going... since I borrowed money from her to fix it and also am borrowing dad's convertable while he is out of town. Well mostly she probably just cares, but I can't help but feel guilty and loserish for borrowing from my parents still at age 24. I have to go pay $95 court costs this week then I have 3 mo. to take defensive driving which costs another $50 or something. The other night I did our taxes "for fun" b/c we hadn't got all our forms yet... but doing our taxes for fun, I think I might actually BE an accountant someday. Who knows! I just don't want to miss out on my kid's life by going to skewl and getting an accounting job. Where is the balance? Well I suppose with lots of praying the answers will come. Jarrod is stressed out cuz he doesn't like his job and the pressures of being pretty much sole supporter of our soon to be threesome of a family is kicking in. He will be fine, he is strong and smart. I just can't stand seeing people uncomfortable or nervous and want to cure it for them. Well anyway! That is all for today. Today I am thankful for the 3 house cleaning jobs I have, that I have not had morning sickness, that my parents help us out and that they put a Subway in Northlake college (those atkins wraps are AWESOME!!!).